The thoughts of suicide riddle my brain,
They're around all corners of every word I say.
Every thought I think or memory I look back,
The symbiote of suicide leaks out of every crack.

Writing and romanticising all my bad habits isn't smart,
But it's the sacrifice I make to make sacrificial art.
There's beauty in trapping myself in a box of sadness and doubt,
Walls made of paper; so maybe I can write myself out.

As unhealthy and sordid as it may be,
I find self-solitary to bring out the best in me.
As unstable and morbid as it may seem,
I find thoughts of suicide to bring out the best in me.

i’ve been told
many times
that my eyes
are the color
of the ocean.
just like my
mom’s eyes.

the color of
the sky after
a rain storm,
young flowers,
a little lighter
than the blue
on a walmart bag,
a worn jean jacket.

i think i like
ocean the best-
i miss it the most.

you said she was your everything,
anything with her is in perfect timing,
life with her is what your dreams are made of,
everything for her you created with love.

you said she is the one,
your truth and your person,
you crave for her every minute of the day,
just the thought of her can make you feel okay

it was fairy tale..
but you lied!

Oh! How I love the swirls and swings the words make
In my world of words; the unusual reality I see.
A reality I make for myself, with the words I so choose.
The acrimony I retain,
The pain I let go by writing;
until the dark thumb of fate presses me to the dust;
I'll express myself with these words.

In the quiet of this empty room
Only the sound of our voices
Echoing to emphasize
The importance of our words
Vital to our sanity
And this endless back and forth
Love me
Hate me
Create and destroy me
But for god’s sake let me be
One way or the other
Allow me the ability
To move past this twisted torture
The one where you push me away
And then spill your kindred soul
So I have no choice but to crawl right back
As sure as the sun rises and sets
Falling right back into your web
And hoping you don’t devour me

All of your one word answers
Fall on deaf ears
I’ve fallen apart
Disconnected
And I’m back at the start
When we would talk for hours
And laugh at all the same parts

There is no forbidden fruit
Sweeter than your lips
No passion greater
Than the energy
That surges between us
You linger
Close to me
To feel the electricity
But only long enough
To walk away unscathed

I feel like I can do nothing on the face of the earth
as they fight on the other side of these walls
as my tears fall into the green pillow I hug to my chest
as their shouts echo their way into my room as a witness
as his cries fill my ears with pain and hopelessness
as I put a fist to my mouth to strangle my cries
as I try to silence their voices with my mind
as he hits him again with his knuckles or his belt
as they misunderstand and accuse for no reason
and I tumble down an empty hole that feels like no light
can pirece this cavernous, vast darkness I’ve fallen into.

And then I hear him beside me, putting pitiful tissues
on his scratched arm, tear stained lashes and tousled hair
bearing the testament of a spirit’s spite and anger.
And I wipe my tears away, and I open my mouth to tell you,
but I cannot say it aloud, for they might come for me.
But I promise anyway, “One day, I’ll make them pay.
One Day.”