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the anxiety has gotten worse,
but you're still here.
the chai from the library *****,
the chai from the student center also *****.
it makes me sad. it's very milky,
i'm lactose-intolerant.
i don't know why the chai *****,
but i do know that one full year of loving you
has felt like mere moments
sitting across from you in this quiet library
while we do homework,
i look at you and wonder-
how did i get so lucky to be loved by you?
6 months ago you asked me out.
6 months of pure happiness and love,
6 months of never once questioning if you do love me,
only knowing that you do.
and now, we look forward to the rest of our lives,
together.
loving someone has never been easier,
it's like second nature,
as simple and innate as breathing.
your fluffy brown curls,
stunning hazel eyes,
and adorable silver and navy glasses;
unparalleled intelligence,
kindness, goofiness, dorkiness,
lovability- my golden retriever boy.
you always take care of me,
especially when my adhd and anxiety get bad,
and i always take care of you,
especially when you're tired and dehydrated.
i love you
some of the most beautiful words
you've ever spoken to me
were about my eyes.
you said that they reminded you
of the waves crashing against the shore
on a perfectly calm night.
i've never been described like that before
every night,
you walk me back across campus.
and every night,
we sit in the back corner of the lobby,
by the laundry room,
where the vending machine sits,
and talk for at least an hour.
and we talk about
everything.
the big things,
the little things,
the easy things,
the stressful things.
and we both listen and talk.
hearing one another,
loving one another,
simply being there for one another.
the minutes and hours slip by,
and suddenly it’s 2am-
reminiscent of the first night
that we actually hung out,
i sat next to you talking until 7am,
fully knowing i was to work
an 8 hour shift that day.
and ever since that moment,
i have fallen even deeper
in love with you,
every single moment
of every single day.
i am finally comfortable enough
with myself
and
in my own skin,
that i, for the first time,
love sharing my life with someone.
we can talk about the serious things,
and 20 minutes later, segue into
being very goofy together. and
it feels so natural
and normal
and right.
caught in this grief
i've never felt before
unsure of how to react,
i do what i can to stay afloat.
unprecedented stress and anxiety,
overwhelming situations,
too much to handle on my own.
thank you for never leaving my side
dropping your class was
the best choice i ever made
there is such a peace
that comes with being
near you.
i have never felt such
love and adoration
from a singular person
ever before.
and i know that i will
never be perfect,
i won’t even try to be.
and i will never truly be able
to show you how much
i love you.
but i will spend the rest of my life
showing you.
and i know things won’t always
be easy or good,
but i am willing to make it work
no matter what it takes.

and do not doubt me
because i am young.
i am not yet twenty
yet i am sure of this:
you are my one and only,
always and forever.
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