You avert your eyes
From anywhere I could be
You look away unless in trial
Of ways to try to change me
You point your blame, I only hope
This will grant you some reprieve
I'm sorry life has been unkind
I'm sorry good people leave
I'm sorry we've been dealt the cards
Laid on this wobbly table
I'm sorry life so often feels
Like walking on a cable

I can see this doesn't settle you
You want to walk away
Well darling, if it helps you
You can give me all your hate

Go on, travel the whole world
Let your eyes breathe in the scenes
Hurt again, then learn again
That the world can be so mean
Come to the conclusion at
The bottom of a beer
Smashed or pieced together,
I will still be here
You can break me in a million pieces
And shatter all the rest
You can promise me no more
But you can't make me any less

So my darling, let me stay by you
And wipe away your tears
I share your thoughts, I share your hopes
I know the endless fears
I can't promise you perfection
But if we make amends
I'll show you how broken things
Can still learn how to bend

You hid it in my laugh lines
Painted rips into the canvas sign
So smile for the camera man
Who knows when I’ll be yours again

If I’d been resentful
It should’ve been a surprise to none
Love was a million things I could’ve known
And I would have settled for just one

And I’d have taken all the essence
Let it fill me up inside
Felt the earth shudder beneath my feet
And held on for the ride

With white knuckles I’d clutch the single rose
Thorns piercing in my skin
That which grew in sunshine, in rain
Knew miracle and sin

It taught the ocean how to toddle
Back and forth across the shore
And even in its tantrums
It never kept a score

I taught my eyes to blink and welcome
As it does with every night
The sleep that replenishes wonder
With the darkness in my sight

You can determine a gust upon the breeze
But the wind knows no direction
And you can battle with the skies
While the earth has no detection

But I teach my heart to dance
And steady for a while
No one needs to be alive
No one needs to smile

But I taught myself to care
Although the world taught me indifference
I taught myself to live the journey
Instead of focusing on the distance

And when I saw you,
Over a million different things,
I saw technicolor beauty
And I taught my soul to sing

I kept in mind that you were life
And ever-changing and free
But I thought happy would be enough
For you to choose to be

So maybe I don’t understand
Why good people walk away
I breathe in heavy wind gusts
And in the receding water wade

And if I’d been resentful
It should’ve been a surprise to none
Love was a million things I could’ve known
And I would’ve settled for just one

Dark, crystal blue
Aquamarine
Tide pools that lie to the side of the sea

They carry the waves
People surf to feel free
But eventually they became
Like tsunamis to me

Your eyes held the sky
And all it’s potential
When you thought of me well
I deemed myself special

When raindrops fell from the clouds
And crashed on the ground
My eyes, like the earth,
Took them in safe and sound

From the day you arrived
I thought I was alive
Blue lightning lit up the gray in your eyes

If I were smart, I’d know better
Than to ignore the storms that it hides
And the winds that would influence
Every thought in my mind

You push and you pull
Until you get your way
And I let you take me
Out past the waves

When you let me go
I might have thought to swim
But with no end around me
I wouldn’t know where to begin

The ground seemed warm and inviting
I let myself sink under the water
But as the depth stretched out farther
I think it only got colder

Although I was thrashing around
I swore I was okay
I knew that by then you didn’t want me
But I insisted that I stay

By the time I stopped fighting
You were already gone
So I cried and I cried
And all that I saw

Was blue, shining blue
Bright, hopeful blue
The gift of the unknown tomorrow, blue
The only color I could’ve sworn that I knew

But it’s been a long time since that meant anything to you

And it was a long time
Before I realized I’d stopped breathing
I figured it’d be a longer time yet
Before I could feel my heart beating

For the first time ever
I wondered what was in your sight
When you looked at me
And your eyes held that light

I wondered if it had meant anything at all
Before I decided it didn’t matter to me
You were loving and you were hateful
But more than that, you were free

With you, I don’t know any more than I dream

So I won’t try to analyze
Any more than I see
I know blue, only blue
As b. l. u. e.

You made me swallow down these words
Only for them to come back up when spurred
At the tip of my tongue, my thoughts
Shout out angrily to be heard

You think it all as meaningless
When you wash away my sound
Now you're gurgling your excuses
And maybe I'll let you drown

I smile through your babbling
And grant you my silence as you prompt me
I know what you want to hear but oops,
I guess I choked again

I never felt like I depended on you
I kept my feet on solid ground
We coexisted and took time to listen
To our vastly different sounds

But you learned how I take my coffee
And all my favorite brands
The little things that live between
Our well-choreographed dance

And before I knew it, you'd become
A vital part of the song
So now I misstep with uneven breath
Because the notes are falling wrong

The daffodils will grow in the yard again

Now that the last of snow will melt

My dear, I think we're older now

And we must grow as well
.
.
.
.

The stars giggle
Drunk on the dust
In the Milky Way
They tip over
Turning a fall into a dip
When I squint
I see you just like this
Dancing at the end of a stick

I would like to say
I wake up in the morning
Refreshed and ready
But I just squint through the light
Pouring through my window
Trying harder and harder to see you
As you disappear

Somewhere in the madness, basking in the summer heat
I wish I knew the castles that would crumble at your feet
‘Cause when it’s cold here, I’m a soldier, getting too used to defeat
What a silly, helpless fool, remembering a time when I was queen

Sometimes I feel like your story book
The pages that you flip open on bad days
To relive some sort of angst only
to inevitably close and breathe a sigh of relief
Knowing it is not your reality anymore
And I am not real enough to you
To inquire about the sequels
The ones you haven't read
But are drenched in the aftermath of your actions

Living, breathing consequence

Do you believe that I've forgiven you
Because you've forgiven yourself?
Because you are better now for someone else?
Do you think I remember you fondly
Because I am always so kind?
And don't consider that, like you changed, maybe
I have too?

In a wave of nonchalance,
You ask me how I am doing

I want to ask if someone asked you to reach out
Someone who knows me and may have guessed
That I've had one of my fragile days
And knows that I might be more susceptible
To grace

And I say
I've been better since you ripped out my pages
But I still have days when I wonder
If you would have ever cared enough
To do more than borrow me
And return me here
To this dusty shelf

I don't want to burn down in flames
And say
Remember when it was just embers
And I ignored it?
Remember when I felt the heat
And I let it get away
As passion
And warmth?

Remember when the cracks in the floor
Were pretty little imperfections
And not the gaping ravine we see before us now
And long before it was able to swallow us whole
I had the opportunity to walk away?

Then would I save myself this agony
At the cost of your love?
Or would I drown myself in darkness
And lose the stars above?

Darling, I can't promise myself you'll stay
I can't guarantee at the end of the day
After all the things I've learned
I'll look at you the same

Because if I can break myself away
Before the waves drag me far in
If I could let go of my love for you
Maybe I have the chance to love again

Cornflower blue covered capsules
They turn the axles now
I know that you’d be scared too
If you surfed a furrowed brow

I could love the rain more if
I wasn’t made of wooden bones
And I would love me more if
I didn’t have such a fragile soul

If you need me, I'll be in my garden
Roots all imbedded straight past the margins
Ardently sated, like you could taste it
The honeysuckle horrors in all of my pages

Live with me away from here
Where the poppies wilt to nothing
I promise I caught these little secrets
in days when the roses caught me blushing

Cascading light on fallen clarity
Left for a past that'd gone indifferent
Isn't it something, we found infinity
And learned how little that it meant

I miss when love was easy to stomach
Your sweetness melts to caramel
Now too much sugar doesn't sit the same
And causes heartache just as well

There was a time before my muscles shook
From tensing in an embrace
It was a time when poetry came easy
Instead of causing stomaches

Am I letting my hopes get away from me
Because it's been so long?
I've forgotten that the right things
Can somehow still go wrong?

Because I've pushed away my options
And narrowed it all down
Now I think that this will work
Simply because I stick around?

What arrogance I've shown today
High hopes falling from their fever
I fall for you just to find that
I don't think I'd like me either

In depths too heavy
I held your hand
But it would never be enough

Carrying my mind
And weighted hearts
Across this vacant plain

I speak to the moon about you
And she's tired of hearing about your phases
We drink to you until the sunrise
When all your light seems somewhat faded

They dropped me by the side of the road
When I still had more to give
So I trudge on, dirtying the hearts
Of anyone willing to let me in

Had I served my own purpose, maybe
Life would be more kind
But instead, I simply became yours
Left for someone else to find

With hands that love to hold
And feet that love to run
I loved you, I loved you
As the moon would love the sun

I couldn't hear your voice
Above the raging silence
I figured you weren't saying much
Unbeknownst to my changing faces
That sees meaning in milliseconds
Seeking out a love that's chaseless
I'll find errors in complication
I'll find a way to erase us
I'll love you 'til you're empty
And claim I'm feeling wasteless
You'll raise an upper hand
And find us switching places

I laid my secrets in the shadows
That follow where I lead
But now my steps are growing weaker
And they're tugging back at me

I thought I spoke into oblivion
The words cut off at my teeth
I fed them to my shadows
And now my shadows feed on me