"withdrawls" poems
I'm addicted to you
And everything you do.
All the pain you put me through.
It's like a drug you put inside me.
Trying to keep me same
But instead your driving me insane.
I stayed up late last night
All because you started a fight.
I'm addicted to you
And everything you do.
All the paid you put me through.
It's all because I stay with you.
I hang on by every word you say.
As I inject you straight to my veins.
The way you kiss me.
The way you move your hands around me.
It's so seducing.
I can not help but wanting more.
Without you I can feel my withdraws.
Breaking all of the laws.
I'm addicted to you
And everything you do.
Even with all the pain you put me through.
I just cannot be without you.
The words of your mouth.
Hatred and anger.
The touch of your hand
Sends me a tingling sensation.
I keep going back to you.
Even though I say I am through with you.
As I inject you.
Withdrawls without you.
Is too much pain to handle.
I'd rather be with you.
Just hold my hand.
Please understand.
I'm addicted to you
And everything you do.
All the pain you put me through
I still come running back to you.
Sep 3, 2014
Sep 3, 2014 at 6:41 PM UTC
This addiction
has the worst withdrawals.
They leave you feeling
completely empty and
alone
until you get
the next hit.
Shaking in anticipation,
preparing for the next fix.
Face forward, inhale.
Hear your heart race through my head.
Pounding anxiously,
waiting.
Finally,
the collision creates a moment of pure ecstasy
in my addict body.
Pressed in close
to confuse your heartbeat
and the motion of your lungs.
The worst withdrawls,
but the best high.
Jul 22, 2014
Jul 22, 2014 at 6:22 PM UTC
I was riding high until some thoughts passed by.
Saw a few pictures and memories flooded the very limited space in my head
Levees feel like they're about to break through tear ducts, yet still afraid to cry.
But now, at this point there's been many I shed
Very sensitive connections kept us together.
You couldn't speak English, but still spoke through your action
Came by my side during storms that I could not weather.
I wish I knew how fast your time was passing
Sometimes I took your companionship for granted
Often not investing thought in the moment.
Stood by me, even when life.. I couldn't stand it
Now I'm thinking about your fate and how I wished I could've controlled it
Anytime I was home, you made me conscious of your calls
Whenever I was in my own bed you made sure to join me
It's as if now, without you, I'm getting withdrawls.
A bond beyond brotherhood draped in comfortability
The week I house sat for my mom, will remain with me always
Laying on the floor depressed, not only because you were dying
Still get choked up, knowing we showed each other love, before your next phase
But to keep you alive, some witnissed to see how hard I was trying
Weeks later after I moved, I woke up in Nevada thinking "where'd Austin go?"
I swear I felt you, and thought you were there, even though it may've not made sense
Know you're still in my heart, and were always so blissfully pleasant to hold.
I still feel you, and will always make room for your presence
You were the one cat I knew that would actually jump into my arms from the floor, on command.
You held on, never scared as if you didn't wanna let go
Literally wrapped your paws around my neck in a hug-like embrace, or should i say - little hands.
Spent more time together than most of the humans I know
I miss you buddy, and the feelings haven't changed.
Some may think caring this much about an animal is strange.
Truth is we're all animals, and I'll see you at the next stage <3
Dec 9, 2013
Dec 9, 2013 at 4:45 PM UTC
Step 1: Be as anxiety ridden as possible.
Get a bladder infection because you are too scared to ask the teacher to use the restroom.
Fail your Algebra class because you fear that if you tell her you are confused, she will laugh at you.
Everyone will laugh at you.
Wear dresses and frilly skirts because you are scared to come out as transgender.
Your mind will mock you with thoughts along the lines of,
“ You dont deserve to be a boy.”
Just go along with it.
Let the words bounce in your head like children in a bouncy house.
Do not reach for the ibuprofen bottle.
You see your mind will need to be as messy as your heart.
Therefor your heart will have to crumble into an avalanche.
DO NOT PICK UP THE PIECES.
You will need to be addicted to starbucks and body modifications.
Do not get anything less than a Venti because if you do not get your daily dose of caffeine you will go into withdrawls.
You need to modify your body because it is the only thing you can control.
Step 2: Make your hair as colorful and bright as possible because then maybe your mom will understand the fact that you are gay.
Maybe if you turn your head into a walking pride flag you will not have to see the look of disappointment coat her face when you step out of the closet.
I know what youre thinking because I have been told this before.
“But honey, the closet is made for clothes.”
Yeah youre **** right but the closet is also the only place you can hide your chest binder and boxers,
They will sit right next to your pushup bras.
Step 3: Feel everything.
Feel every single thing as deeply as you can because if you do not,
Then how will you get a messy heart?
And to have a messy mind your heart must match like the couple shirts he bought you on your one year anniversery.
Do not love him.
He will break your heart two years in and cram the words
“I simply dont want you” down your throat
And you may not cry.
You may not show him you are hurting because then he will know you care.
Then he will know you are wrapped around his finger as tightly as you can.
Step 4: Do not fall in love.
Even if it is simply with the brush strokes on a canvas.
Do not fall in love with anyone before you fall in love with yourself because for the past two years, toxic waste has filled your veins.
Do you know how much it hurt to bleach him out of your mind?
You have to scrub his fingerprints off of your body.
You will become raw.
It is okay to be raw,
You just have to learn to heal yourself.
No more coating the burn wounds with promises of forever.
No more temporary treatments.
For the sake of your sanity,
You must fall in love with yourself,
Before you can learn to not love him.
Sep 23, 2015
Sep 23, 2015 at 12:00 PM UTC
Red shoes on black carpet.
She skips across the floor, hands together pulling her small body forward.
From room to room she hustles, skirt all about her, not bothering to fix her hair.
I can see her in my dreams, with unclouded eyes she looks back at me.
She smiles at me in my dreams, and when I dream of her withdrawls do not wake up.
She is my *****
She is more beautiful than the flower
and has the *** appeal of the powder.
Feb 18, 2014
Feb 18, 2014 at 11:44 PM UTC
She was so young and alone
Trying to find her desperate way
Doing whatever she could,
whatever it takes
Impressionable, fragile
Hurting inside with an ache in her soul
Crying behind the smiles and jokes
Wanting to love and feel real warmth
running for shelter from her storm
Lightening and rain never cease
Her attempts at freedom deplete
She reaches out for hope
And gets a handful of dope
Using whoever to get strong
As if to win you must be on top
Too bad, she didn’t know she was wrong
I wish I could hold her warm hand
Hear her soft voice
Hug her again
I want to go back and do more for my friend
I lost you and I mourn
Lying awake, I wonder
“could I have done more?”
What if I never gave up on you, friend?
Where would you be?
Alive again?
What if I had the words to heal your heart
I had them locked away to never depart
I wish I could know and know for sure
That heaven is your home
It breaks my heart
To think of you
In an eternity of pain
Your life was so young
And death is so final
I hold breath and wonder if it’s really true
It’s taken me ten months
To finally cry over you.
I avoided the facts
And ignored the truth
But here I am now
And you’re heart doesn’t beat
I said things I regret
I hurt you behind your back
I looked at your life and didn’t understand
I stayed away from you after you burnt my hand
I told others to be careful
We’d shake our heads in wonder
We wanted to help you
And you shut us out
Did we try hard enough?
Did you need us to shout?
If me shouting would have saved your life,
I would of shouted til my voice went dry
If me running after you would show you you’re loved
I’d run and run and never give up
If I knew your life was coming to an end
I would of sought you again my precious friend
I would of invested my time to see that you’re safe
I would of spoken truth and not have been late
I would of held your hand through the withdrawls
I would of shown you love when you felt empty and alone
I would of given you anything that you might need.
I cry in silence and breath slow.
I miss you and I want you to know
I’m really sorry for not being what you need
Jesus loved you and he wanted to set you free
Wherever you are, I wish you could know
That I’ll never be the same
I won’t talk about a person like it’s a game
I’ll always try and never give up
I’ll treat my friends like they’re worth the time
I love you. I love you. I’ll always love you.
Feb 4, 2013
Feb 4, 2013 at 11:37 AM UTC
Framed.
I surround myself with an abundance of its glorious aftermath.
A cheap thrill for the night.
Let a half hour soak in the wrath.
I've continued to overdose myself with an endless cycle of euphoria
a sinful, deadly deception-
a vindictive vice.
Where manslaughter may be the only token for temporary happiness.
Be hypnotized with me, no pressure
as I am eager to embrace a mouthful of its alluring poison
like candy,
sweet candy.
A marigo-round of dileberate madness.
I spin around;
it's the sensation that brings me back every **** time.
knowing I wont come back every time.
I'm addicted.
So very addicted,
atleast I can admit it.
It's the sweet taste of cotton mouth,
it's the beautiful realization I figured myself out.
Spin me.
Let the drug seep through my pores
and bless you all
Hold me.
Let your sensation be my only amusement for the night.
I crave it.
I wont let myself go through withdrawls.
I can't control its endless cycle of euphoria
After all,
my addiction is to be
chemically happy.
Feb 22, 2012
Feb 22, 2012 at 10:23 PM UTC
I got lost somewhere along the way
while I was frolicking through the lunar glow
carefree
and
intoxicated;
the scent of half-smoked cigarettes
and sweet perfume.
nostalgia
gets the best of me.
I crave happiness
and I'm having withdrawls,
taken over by adverse thoughts
and
an immutable, stabbing
pain in my chest.
I want to run,
but
I don't want to leave.
Jul 30, 2014
Jul 30, 2014 at 10:11 AM UTC
days and months
and years gone by
I never stopped
To wonder why
we thought we could
runaway that day
And somehow we could
Make our way
me? I gave up
everything
my heart was all
that I could bring
but you were hungry
for something more
wanting all, I could
never afford
friends turned enemies
turned aquaintences
Love turned to hate
turned to indifference
Now we act like we
didnt exist
chalk it up
to naive innocence
the parts of me
that were once you
Im sweating out
like a stubborn flu
I was addicted,
but i guess its true
withdrawls come from things
that're bad for you
Sep 26, 2011
Sep 26, 2011 at 10:35 PM UTC
Why, we say with perished thought,
of taxes, blood, and groans,
that mortality would be so tedious that
it carries no life of its own
and tunnels through the silken earth
but blind to the unknown?
Mysteries of adrenaline thieves
that pause not in thought but dismay
and ventures through TVs
and cares little of the day
and grinds each crooked tooth
on chemicals that disintegrate.
Words fall to white noise
silence in the ambulance siren's cry
office buildings tumble down
earthquakes blink their eye
but little learnt of each tragedy
is forgotten with every day go by.
Settled and careful, intent on contempt
dull faces, dull pencils, and stars
with dying fires eat our hearts,
numb our minds in taxi cars
hell bound or heaven sent,
each dream left in precise shards.
Demolitions, wars of attrition
the unborn turn in their graves
fighting for freedom and return
not knowing they too are slaves
manufactured like machines
holes in souls we call caves.
And I'm not cut out for blood lust
or sex-and-drug life ecstacy
or thinking that a little violence
is what sets a man free
or caged up by withdrawls
in mind's shattered harmony
I'm not cut out for half-assed heartbeats
faked smiles, sold by the pound
frozen footsteps, weighted measures
eyes digging deeper in the ground
or highway lullabies choked down
or dying in life without a sound.
Nov 18, 2012
Nov 18, 2012 at 6:30 PM UTC
Cold sweats and cuss words
Body weakened and defeated
To long for something that you dont want
To desire a quick death
My head, rings louder than a mobile phone during sunday service.
Stress seriously stirs within my day.
My will disintergrating litte by little,
I will fall
But I refused to break
Everyday, every step, every breath
a test against my myself
I wont give in,
I wont give up.
Aug 28, 2014
Aug 28, 2014 at 6:44 AM UTC
If every poet wants to be loved why do they need every feeling but love everything that is essential becomes contradictory find every word in the dictionary to send our message fully infused With the subsequent substance with a enveloping past that you give power to with each glance a symbiotic connection hungry for attention a powerful grip with feelings of strong misguided blinded moral film that covers your skin irresistible until you come back to your writing and you realize what you just wrote dig deep down and see your true depth in a paradox of perspectives thoughts bounce off waves of reflecting inception overloading my cornea flood of images I spill into text what's the imprint that was left try so hard to fit in thinking they're excluding you when it turns out I'm really excluding you corrupted excess of expression poisoning cycle of nervous thought of my inner dialogue separate me from a clear view with the greifing fog try to hide try to distract but never dodge three the highs and lows even and odds I always see the effect just hopelessly blind to the cause shocking withdrawls lost in the in flames dowsed a brave heart with callouses made of cowardice after everything a poet really does just want to be loved....
Dec 13, 2017
Dec 13, 2017 at 3:54 PM UTC
I'd pull every ******* tooth out of my head
if it would solve anything at all
but I would just bleed
and hurt more than I do
it wouldn't stop the any of the withdrawls
I hereby declare war
on anything I've ever loved
Which isn't a lot
because I still haven't found
that much worth speaking of
so I'll just sit in my pile of teeth and blood
and try to remember
where these feeling come from
If I could follow the roots
all the way to the source of the problem
then what's the point of existing?
if it's all so simple so solve them
if I knew who made me feel like this
I would shake their hand and kiss their ring
because that's the person that taught me how to sing
how to write
how to live
what to die for
though I may never find
the origin of this sickness
that's allright
because that one person doesn't exist
yet I hate the one
that taught me to resist
whoever you are
one day you'll be the death of me
and wherever you are
I hope you're safe and breathing
because I'll be the one
to hear your last breath leaving
and on that day
you'll be buried
with all the burdons
that you've carried
every storm you've braved
will be right with you in that grave
because no one really remembers the dead anyway
bless your heart
and **** your actions
free your thoughts
don't fear reaction
live like you died yesterday
not that it matters anyway
because we'll all be dead soon too.
Jan 12, 2011
Jan 12, 2011 at 2:01 PM UTC
You are the drugs I inject in my veins
High and lost in your sweet haze
I never want to comedown from you, withdrawls would go on forever
Keep me here, hold me tight
Don't let me fall, it's way too high
You are the drugs I inject in my veins
& someday I will lose all control
Aug 7, 2013
Aug 7, 2013 at 10:24 PM UTC
He's only 9 years old
so his mother thinks being on the brink of suicide
which she thinks about as much as she blinks
is totally oblivious to her son who is actually more in-sync
Then she knows or cares to know
cuz it would hurt her soo much
to know that every time she left the room to cry
he knew that she was
But we tend to think our kids
are more out of touch
or maybe we just hope
So her son like her copes alone cuz
He's only 9 yrs old
and doesn't know what to say
But psychologically it's damaging
As his emotions get away
From his control without a father
To guide him like he shoulda been
And his mom says his father died
but he knows she lies to protect him
From knowing he's unwanted
And as time goes on
All of this pain has build up putting
A timer that after so long
will set off a bomb
So as her son comes home from school
he heard his mom crying
And it has made him feel like a fool
So as he musters up the courage
he Walks in the bathroom door
To see his mom curled up in a ball
Crying in the corner on the floor
Where he sees the blood dripping
Off her arm where it withdrawls
Infront of her and On her so
He runs to her and falls
in her lap knowing the act that
Was Tryin to be done
So as he cries with her he
Looks in her eyes and says "mom "
I'm sorry for everytime I heard u
Cry, it was dumb not to
come find you and hug You
and tell you I love u
I'm sorry I never said that
and dad Maybe gone
But I'm still here and I'm not leaving
So please don't leave me mom
I know you think I don't know
All the things that I know
But I know a lot I just don't know
How to help stop it so
Its ok and i know dad isn't dead
I know He left cause of me
And I'm sorry that I ruined things
Cuz maybe he wouldn't leave
If I wasn't born, and thats what
left her torn which was enough
To make his mom totally lose it
As she tries to say his dad leaving was
Not his fault but
She couldn't breath let alone talk
She felt alone for so long but this
Time her observant son Left her in shock
And as they sit on the Floor crying,together,
her son says I'm always here if you need me
But plz mom promise
You'll never again try to leave me....
Nov 16, 2014
Nov 16, 2014 at 12:42 PM UTC
At first I felt quite tingly,
when the withdrawals first set in;
Two days without my medicine,
I need my Klonopin!
~
Then I felt numb all over,
I'd bump into the walls;
I didn't even feel it,
though my bruises told it all.
~
I feared taking a shower,
that I'd encounter a Snake;
My fears were based on the withdrawls,
how much more could I take?
~
Nausea and Diahreah,
became my two, best friends;
For I had spent much time with them,
so I prayed, "When will this end?"
~
My appetite was no matter,
I couldn't eat a bite;
My appearance began to decline,
and I felt as if I would die.
~
I couldn't stand to be touched,
it actually made my skin sore;
I was at the end of my rope,
and I wondered, "How much more?"
~
But I survived the Hell,
that the lack of Klonepin caused;
I clung to my Heavenly Father,
and held His hand, because.
Apr 6, 2019
Apr 6, 2019 at 11:40 PM UTC
Warmth is not the only thing missing from my life
Seperated from my love by glass and ice
My heart begins to align with her frozen pulse if I stare too long
Withdrawls of your love keep my blood thawed
I will make a world for you to live in
No masked dunce or army will impede my icy wrath
Science and love is all I need to stop this world cold
Inch by inch I will reshape this planet with my frigid fury
It will be perfect for you my love
Every ice shard will be a fraction of my dedication to you
May my enemies never know warmth again
Those fools shall suffer like you did in frozen cocoons
And you my love . . .
Shall be in my arms once more
Together we will rule this frozen paradise that I created
Our love will be the only source of heat
I promise
Feb 24, 2012
Feb 24, 2012 at 1:21 AM UTC
I feel that last warm trickle, and
I feel that last warm breeze.
Its crawls across my skin
And it runs through my veins.
The last of Summer kisses the land.
No more trips to be had
As we watch the colors fade,
My Winter is now at hand.
What was once sun-kissed burned
Has now gone cold,
And what once bloomed Summer foliage full
Is now Winter's fare skeletal.
Mother Mary comes, Mother Mary Springs in time,
But in Mother Mary comes time,
Because it's frosty Father Time
That allows Spring to blossom in her,
Time, Time and Time again,
Year in and year out, he is spent.
So as Spring comes, so do I,
Doing my best to beware of Father Time,
Watching the colors bloom to Summer's trip
With the bee's sting to inject sweet toxicity,
Freed from this state of mind again
Until I feel the next Summer Ending's breeze.
Feb 19, 2012
Feb 19, 2012 at 1:10 AM UTC
I'd always been afraid of becoming addicted to drugs.
The kinds that will keep you hostage after just one use.
But nobody ever warned me about becoming addicted to a person.
The kind that keep you hostage after just one kiss.
I remember everywhere we would go, you always had to be touching me.
Drawing small circles on the palms of my hands.
Playing with the ends of my hair.
Hugging me.
Kissing me.
Hurting me.
I became so accustomed to your hands on my body that every time you left I felt like I was going through withdrawls.
So even after the third blow
And even after me screaming at you to leave
I would tell you to please just hit me one more time
Because i'd rather feel your hands inflicting pain on my body than not feel them at all.
But yet I would always tell myself,
I'm not addicted
And I don't need you
And this is the last time
And despite every wave of insecurity crashing down on my mind, one small thought stays afloat;
I cannot survive without you.
So where was my warning sign
My caution content is highly addictive sign
My run like hell in the opposite direction sign
My no amount of bread and wine can heal this pain sign
And jesus christ there is so much pain.
I'd always been afraid of becoming addicted to drugs.
The kinds that will keep you hostage after just one use.
But look at me now
****** and ******* have got nothing on me
I'm addicted to the newest drug and it's called losing your self worth.
Its called choking on any small shred of confidence you have left.
Its called hating the person who lives inside of your skin because they most certainly are not you.
But nobody ever warned me about becoming addicted to a person.
May 31, 2017
May 31, 2017 at 10:43 AM UTC
I need more than just a text
I miss it so
It has been weeks
The feeling of skin
I miss the reverberation of the voice
How it sends shudders
Throughout my body
Making even my bones pliable
I miss the eyes on me
Penetrating into my soul
Seeing what I try to hide
Not caring, searches for more
I miss the taste of mouth
The way it's salty and sweet
How it quenches my thirst
My being hydrated to bloom
I miss the scent
The one that is truly unique
How it lingers upon me
More than skin deep
So yes, I am a ******
Withdrawls I'm going through
My body yearns for it
I need more than just text
Mar 6, 2016
Mar 6, 2016 at 7:12 PM UTC
I've been trying to write for months
More desperate than junkies on city corners
Because the lines I write on my paper
Are better than the ones you take up your nose
Paper in this notebook is worth more than the paper that you brag about having on social media
You see I've taken to choosing words and phrases
Rather than choosing what strand to smoke next
Fancy words like abittor
Do more for me than Lysergic acid diethylamide
Withdrawls from pen and paper are worse than
Withdrawls from amphetamines
Being a writer
Is something you are never warned about
Because one day you will on top of the world
And the next day you will be on the edge
Just to get an adrenaline rush and motivation to write
Why do you think the best writers sucumb to alchohal stains, white noses, and scared veins
The best writer I know has shelves of prescriptions, like a library of books
My favorite poems are inspired not by writers lines, but rather lines I chop myself
Drinking your poems with ***** as a chaser
No one warns you about being a poet
Sep 11, 2015
Sep 11, 2015 at 11:23 AM UTC
Your kiss was venom that pierced my lips
and your eyes were like a shot of ***** running though my veins
that first kiss i was attached you were my drug,
and now that you've said that goodbye
i feel as if I'm going to die
mother always warned me about drugs
but she never warned me about the drugs
with a heartbeat and thrashing teeth
the ones that break down your walls
and cause you to become so vurnable
and the ones that when you don't have them
you start to get withdrawls.
she never told me that you would be my drug
my addiction
my passion
my worst feeling
my best feeling
she never warned me about boys like you,
with beating hearts and thrashing teeth
May 3, 2014
May 3, 2014 at 7:30 PM UTC