I haven't logged into my Hello Poetry account in so long and wow... I am so sad at what I'm seeing. I cannot believe that there was a time in my life where I hated everything. It amazes me that I'm still alive, after reading these forgotten memories, they bring me so much pain. Today I'm in a very different space and I can't thank you guys enough for all the kind comments you left on my worst nights. As I'm reading these entries, I remember all the hatred and darkness that fueled me. I feel the tears and the ache and I feel it all so intensely..
But I also feel the light now. I still have those days where I fall but these days I know how to pick myself up. I hope to anyone who is or was in my situation, I hope you all feel the same strength I do now. My sickness didn't **** me, I am alive and everyday I fight.
Everyday I'm surviving. I hope you all continue to fight with me.
And so I drowned, I didn't fight the fire, because that very same pain was my pleasure It was you
Nothing seemed more comforting than the horror you brought me and nothing could bring me back from the fire that burned inside me but your drunk arms And those very same arms that held me, hurt me And those very same lips that caressed me, spoke to me in different tongues And we were in ruins and disastrous, ***** and tainted by the lies our bodies whispered
And there was something you did to me, and now I'm looking for the pieces you ruined to fit again Because the worst thing I ever did was let you come in and sloppily hide in my heart
And there's times like these I think of you, and of the girl I was then and it amazes me that I once thought the devil was an angel I once thought you were my savior when all you did was condemn me to this small ****
And even with you completely banned from my soul You still linger You still punish my heart from being pure And know that I will never forget what you did But the worst part of it all Is now my future won't either
I'm in this beautiful new relationship and it tears me apart knowing that my lover is tainted by my past. I'm trying to trust again and be free, but it's not easy when you once danced with the devil.
The silence is the closure Hard to understand Till you get older Have someone treat you so bad That it takes years to get over Can't help but to feel sad Tried hard to stay sober Just to deny the fact That whatever it was It's over
Sometimes it's hard to accept things you can't change.