put me to sleep dear valerie
quench me with dreams so sweet
kiss me goodnight dear valerie
i'll wake up with cold feet
let's dance in trance dear valerie
held up in the sky so high
take my hand dear valerie
let's march toward the blue sky
stun me wih love dear valerie
i long to feel that warm delight
mend the bond dear valerie
you make the wrong seem right

to hell wih your ****
what about my *****
throw your breast cancer fits
ignore my testicular calls
pink ribbon products all around
no ball cancer ice cream anywhere found
my sack has no chance
in this pseudo equality dance

....as the lights dim, from deep within, I ask our lord and savior "where have I been?"
Have I walked a path of good? Have I formed a way of resent? Have I learned to be selfish? Have I lent a hand to a old friend?
I don't smoke anymore but I feel so high
It's like the air is laced with hallucination, blurred visions through my eyes.
Crazy by surprise, I've already lost my ignorant mind
To place judgment on a man, simply because he was blind
As I picked a black rose, representing someone had died
Who died? It was me! Myself! And.. I..
reincarnated
I know it's all in a matter of time
I will see him again, you'll be my lost road with all the signs
That point in my direction, teaching me lessons, of confessions that helped free the soul inside that grab hold of a message...to be at your lowest point and change it all wih wishful leverage, while the drought of poetic thinkers simply thirst for a inspiring beverage.  (WRITERS BLOCK!)
Drink away your fears, take shots for the pain
Support your own mistakes, stop looking for someone else to blame
Indecisive actions never lead to good, your hesitation only leads you to pain.
See me as a sky high, dry eyed, ironic angel with a dark side, who won't hide cause he wants you to see his story from his side, with no lie, as I sit down and get my...thoughts, all back together
Gambling on my self awareness, hoping my optimism will make things better.

By: Cedric McClester

From *** galore
To abstinence
Isn’t easy
When things get intense
But I’m enjoying
All the suspense
To me it just makes
Perfect sense

Don’t wanna engage
In casual ***
Which leaves most women
Quite perplexed
But not if they understand
The full context
And they begin using
Their intellects

I don’t want ***
To be at the core
Of what we have
No I want much more
A binding commitment
Unlike before
See when I lie wih you
I want to be sure

I sincerely hope
That you understand
Even if I’m different
From the average man
I don’t wanna do it
Just because I can
I hope you can wait
‘Til I ask for your hand




Cedric McClester, Copyright © 2916.  All rights reserved.

When you first said "hello", I confessed my newfound love for you with an acknowledging smile.
When you shook my hand, I pulled your body to mine in the form of a slight squeeze of your fingers.
The moment you told me your name I asked you to never leave my side through the words, "Oh, I like that".
I conveyed my undying love, desire, hunger, and fondness of you wih the blush of my cheek and the ring of my laugh at your jokes that weren't that funny.

And even though I wasn't sure if you could hear me, I swear when you finally said goodbye, I could hear you.

He dealt me a hand
that was sure to lose
Slick and quick
wih the trick of his fingers,
shuffling fifty-three cards
in a tainted deck

Jacks and Kings
with a nasty wink
A queen of red hearts
that was really pink

Not your usual poker
I was the joker
He was the ace of spades,
a devious cheat
Never could I beat
him at his own game

Until one day
I called his bluff
Enough was enough!
And I threw in my chips

All or nothing
In or out
His hand was loser
I had a full house

The gospel of Christ
My hand, life
The devil's, death,
designed to draw
my last breath

So the *** was mine
but it looked like hell
I left it behind
My soul is not for sale!

The only light in my room is the blue of my skull lantern, red of my lava lamp and flicker of candle. It's hard to explain but it's surprisingly beautiful. The blue is making colors normally left unseen in the daylight pop off of my fuzzy pegasus blanket. The red glitter casting lights around my room like a million little supernovas. The candle is flicking light across my black curtains sweeping through my room pushed by the night winds like the souls of the lost. Will i become on of them? It's raining hard against my open windows and i can smell the damp earth a ****** throw away from where i sit under my luminescent posters and black and white photos depicting people torn and broken finding redemption. Will i ever be one of them? I have the overwhelming need to walk out into the dark blanket of the night, let my bare feet sink into the soft green blades beneath me, these ones wont cut me. I want to walk under the heavy moon resting like a jewel in the fabric of space, I long to wander these 23 acres wading through ankle deep currents, crawl through sharp thorns, run with the deer and howl with the lonely coyote. I want to treat the stars like old friends, tell them my woes and lost loves, my regrets and deepest fears, confide in them my scariest dreams, insecurities, joys, sorrows, loves. I'll beg the universe to put it's faith in me, ask it to recognize my existence because it sure as hell know i recognize its. But I'm not out there wih the rain washing away my fears. I'm lying naked atop a fuzzy blanket feeling the swirls of wind licking the skin of my legs, stoumache and face raising goosebumps like an old lover. Half of me shrouded in cold half warmed by the softness beneath me lulling me to sleep the other is begging me to stay awake, keep observing the world aorund me. I wont give into the warmth. I'll lay here awake ears flooded with the sound of sad guitars and tired voices, looking at the illuminated colors smelling the soft earth and nights perfume, feeling the dark run it's hands over the half of me i give it. Maybe I'll give it the rest of me, I wonder what I'll find? Only now do I feel at home under fluttering feathers of broken dream catchers, next to faceless angels and fantasy heros. They say everyone has a happy place, I finally found mine. In the middle of the night surrounded by pale light while only those who think like me are awake, looking at the same stars begging them for their own forgiveness. This is my place of peace how long will it last until somone finds it and taints it or takes it away like everything else? THis is the only place soft on my brittle bones, tender on my aching muscles. Yhe only place with enough air for my colapsing lungs. The night swoops me up in it's arms twirling me in the moonlight, dipping me in the stars. When I'm with the dark I dont have to confront the empty side of my bed because it fills it. The night is my lover and I'd give anything to stay in it's catastrophically beautiful embrace. The bittersweet dismay is I cant stay. So tonight I'll crawl into the warmth of my bed, drift into a deep sleep and pray to one day be nocturnal and join the night until the ends of my days. When my body gives way to the dust, I hope the night absorbs me, turns me into a shining star for wanderers to pray upon, and welcome me home.

I am not alone here, these words accompany
Always close at hand, sitting right next to me
Ringing in the silence of the room behind closed doors
Bouncing off the walls and off of the hardwood floor

Tenderly caressing what is left of my heart
Nudging my hand to the pencil, telling me to start
Wiping tears from my eyes and connecting the drops
Presenting the painter poet with a vision of art

Not today, oh not today, the sore is much too deep
The artist in me cries that the fall is much too steep
But inspiration beckons me this grim and lonely night
Inclining me, between the tears, are the words which I must write

Goodnight, Goodnight

Each and every etching is a tearing truth to me
Falling again and again into a tragedy
But on I go as pain does grow and ease at the same time
Escaping my mind and etching on my heart with every line

This is not depression, this is a cleansing thing
See how the words choose to echo love to me
A losing game, a crying shame, a message wrapped in tears
A courageous allegation surrounded by constant fear

I will be done wih my sitting with my words soon
As they float in the midnight sky up to the moon
I will never see you again inside the tears I cry
Only in the words on paper that you left behind

Goodnight, Goodnight

A legend—
Deep within the forest
filled with treasure
endless, glistening, shining

Then, greedy seekers are on—

Deep within the forest
covered wih green leaves
dank, lush, breathing

Carelessly, excited hands are off—

Deep within the forest
dancing thousands of spirits
primitive，smiling，and
shining

Just don't mind me.
It's alright, I'm just exploding here.
The stress, the schoolwork, the drama.
Everything.
It is way too much.
I cannot deal wih all of this at once.

You captivated me wih your simple hellos
I fell for you then you caught me
Until you mouthed the words I was scared to hear

'I'll love you forever'

I made myself believe that what you said was true

Our soul chained to each other
Our hearts beating for each other
Our lips pressed to each other

You and I against the world
You and I we'll last till forever
You and I we'll always be together

But they said that there's no forever
Oh how foolish am I to believe your bittersweet lie

But what we thought was forever lasted for a while

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16- i was 16 when i met you- sweet 16-
when my whole life turned around
you gave me a reason for living-
and you still do.
every breath i take, every day, i'm taking so i can spend my future with you-
so i can live my life wih you.
up- down- up- down- up-
up-up-up- UP!
that's what my moods were like-
16 and i was ready to end my life-
16 and an angel showed up in my life.
16 and saved by a man 10 years my senior-
16 and i did not care at all.
16,16,16- lucky 16.

17- relapse-
the worst birthday of my life-
17- anger,
regret,
betrayal-
17- realization-
forgiveness-
17- everyone makes mistakes.
17- falling in love all over again,
harder and harder-
deep, deep- deeper-
i no longer see a way out.
17- therapy- hospitals- medicine-
no, no, I'm jumping too far ahead.
17- visits-
you're moving?!
oh no...
you're not.
stupid ******* landlord
17- we're not speaking?
17- you're sick.
you're in a psych ward.
it's been weeks since we've spoke.
17- i'm in hospital.
17- i need stitches
i'm up to my eyeballs on medication
i'm alive-
i've survived- through my own hell
i have survived.
17- i've learnt to live without you-
each day is a challenge.
17- my mums a cheating *******.
17- you're- you're back?!
you're back!
my angel! my saviour! my prince!
up- up- up- up- up- up- up
my moods are up again-
my medication is working,
you're okay
I'M OKAY!

18- my story is still going....

I am alone
I am idle
I have nothing to do
I have nothing else to think of
Rhymes fill my ears from a distance
Sounds startle me often
My neck aches looking at the clock above
I count each minute
I am as tired as the hand that goes around in it
60 more rounds to go
I wish I had a fast forward button to press
I just wait for you to appear
All alone at the playschool lobby

Come to me
Fill my empty hand with yours
Fill my barren heart with happiness
Fill my silent lips wih a smile
Fill my lonely soul with a hug

Come to me my baby

I had convinced myself,

so long ago,

that the world was empty and coarse,

that I didn’t need anyone to share it wih.

I had told myself

everyday since,

that people aren’t worth it,

that being hollow is having control.

I had made myself believe,

in such a short while,

that escaping was the only option,

that this place was just not for me.

I had stopped looking,

never letting expectations form,

knowing things are better in black and white,

knowing feelings are fleeting, and so unstable.

I had to be leveled,

at all moments, in all places,

so I could stay above dangerous water,

so I wouldn’t make things harder for myself.

I had to keep going,

don’t stop, don’t ever stop,

or my world would shatter,

or I couldn’t escape.

I couldn’t look back,

not once,

because then I would realize my regrets,

because then I would want to go back,

because then I couldn’t survive.

it's so unfair that my head whiplashes, my eyes
dart as if it's an archery event and you're the only
target i found was worth releasing the bow from
its arrow to and that my heart starts its musical
number of blue songs and wild rock at the mere
mention of your name and of anything that reminds
me of you--and it's so unfair because i could easily
forget names and appearances as if they're painted in the background but your name seems to be
wedged inside my mouth, i have to look away from
mirrors because everytime i smile i see it and you
appear everywhere--in books, in journal entries, in high school buildings, in my living room
floor, in convenient stores, in old forgotten 90s songs, in the streets with warm pavements, in boys
who reminds me of you whose identities are now
covered wih your favorite color until i could only
see blue--and it's so unfair because i think of you
on days I've promised I won't and I'm writing you
another poem when you can't even text back

i know my worth, you never saw mine
i know your worth, and i bled everytime
you cut me down with your gold edges
because unlike how my head would turn,
yours would look away and while my
eyes searches for you, yours could see
past through me and while my heart wails
for you to notice, yours remain steady-paced,
unaffected, unstirred

it's so unfair, so unfair.
Can you tell me when i can taste victory?

True peace of mind
Lies in the work done wih honesty

THOUGH I Speak wih Tongues Of Men And Of Angels, but have not Love, I have become sounding Brass or A Clanging-Cymbal. And though I have the Gift Of Prophecy, and Understanding All Mysteries and All Knowledge, and though I have all Faith, so that I could remove Mountains, but have not Love, I am nothing.. And though I Bestow all my Goods to Feed thou Needy, and though I give my body to be Burned, but have not Love, It Profits Me Nothing.. Love Suffers Long and Kind; Love doesn't Envy; Love doesn't Parade Itself, Is not Puffed-Up; Doesn't Behave Rudely, doesn't Seek its Own, Isn't Provoked, Thinketh No Evil; Doesn't Rejoice In Iniquity, bu Rejoiceth In the Truth; Bears all things, Believes All things, Hopes All things, Endureth All things.. Love never Fails! But whether there are Prophecies, they will Fail; Whether there are Tongues, they will Cease; Whether there is Knowledge, it will Vanish Away. For we know in Part and we Prophecy in Part.. But when that which is Perfect has come, then that which is in Part will be Done Away... When I was A Child, I Spoke As A Child, I understood As A Child, I thought As A Child; But when I Became A Man, I put away Childish things.... For now we See in a Mirror, Dimly, but then Face to Face. Now I know in Part, but then I shall know just as I also Am known... And Now Abide Faith, Hope, Love, these Three; But the Greatest Of All these Is LOVE.... While GOD Is Love.... GOD With Us.!!!

does my bladder
and dope my head
and poetry my spirit
love is my blood

I recall being
young and naive playing
downstairs wih Cindy
discovering

How girls and boys have
all different plumbing
how girls are slightly
ticklish
and giggle
how boys are supposed to
make things happen

How the encyclopedia had
weird words, National Geographic
posed Dark naked bodies
in front of us,

and feeling things in
lower regions ( we in the basement,
remember)
had no answer in the dictionary.

I remember positing with Cindy
the many things in common to the Lincoln
and Kennedy assassinations.

And hiding our pants pulled down under a cover
as my mom brought us dinner.

The dwelling place
Simply dark and uncomfortable
Yet shamefully well fed
And thoroughly misunderstood
Exactly like the inside of your
Mind way back when
Little chatterboxes with pink ribbons
Like iridescent peageons
Scattered around pecking at some
Laughable nonsense and you too
Perched next to them
Holding your breath
Tight enough to resist the gravity
Lifting yourself up by the
Corners of your mouth
Chirping along whateversomething it is
Insignificance of it.                              
Sprinkling the glitter
Over the gaping hole
As a matter of I don’t know why.
Not much food for the thought
Just a feeling of suffocation.
Wash it down wih despair
Down into the innermost
Of that empty drain
Now THAT feels like home
Suffering for the lack of misery
Or some
Miserable luck
That was named a fortune
Without a smile

I would love you if I could
To the edge of the earth
The bottom of the sea
Alongside undiscovered planets in the galaxy

I would love you until we're old
Until we start to see the wrinkles on our skin
Formed by the joy and the pain we shared together
I would love you through missing teeth
And through the forgetfulness in our last few years.

I would love you more than you've ever been loved
If you only bothered to look back
And see where I'm standing
Waiting, foolishly, to flash you with my best smile.

I would love you without end nor reason
With pure madness I would dance wih you
Spin you round and round until we fall in a circle of our entwined feet
And drown in fits of laughter.

I would love you if only you picked up the note I slipped into your pocket
And read the words I dare not say to your face
I would love you
In a way you've never been,
In a way she could never love you.

I would love you with every fiber of my being
With all my soul
If you only let me
I would love you behind the shadows
And reveal what you never seem to see
I've been right here all along
Waiting for you to let me in.

If only she can be anybody,
She wishes she wasn't she.
If only everyone could see,
How stupid she can be.

Hopeless, dumb and ugly.
No words wih beauty.
All she wants is to be free.
And sadly, that she is me.

like an ancient tree, cracked on the outside
but still strong in the inside
it holds on to things you least expect in an antique and dark looking creatures.
like the heart - our hearts,
it might look dark
feels heavy,
but you won't know what's inside unless
you look into it
struggle through it
wih gentle and care.
and darling,
you'll find miracles and kindness
which is the gem of one's heart.

Is that all we are
Numbers, a percentage
We're judge by that
Number
Either the one we're
Born wih or the one
We created to
Define us

here was a little turkey very fat was he

thinking maybe oneday someones dinner he would be

turkey ran away to a far of land.

to a desert island wih lots of sea and sand.



there were lots of birds to keep him company

turkey he felt safe.  now his life was free

and somebodies dinner no longer would he be

happy and content a happy chap was he.



turkey settled down on his foriegn shore

now the thought of danger has gone for evermore.

Supressed feelings, this is unimaginable pressure.
Roaming around with happiness, with the greatest treause,
Though I'm showing it slightly,
that never lets me get as loose.

Hiding it and hiding it, unintentionally and uncontrollably,
Creates the biggest void, and maybe leaves you wih some ruins of what you used to be.
It's hard living in a world where I'm not like I want to be...

I need some screws, a little help, to put myself back together,
And I have to be careful, to not make myself sadder.

I know, I know, somewhere under These layers I won't see a void,
But I'm going to be complete as I used To be.

I seen the sun this morning ,
But not like every morning,
This morning the sun greeted me ,
She looked down and smiled ,
At me .
She told me everything was going to be ok,
And that my future would be filled wih brighter days .
No more long , cold , nights .... She was here finally , the sun to melt away all the ice .