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"vigils" poems
Muted, muffled, dull thud on concrete, Staggered, drunken, half conscious nobody, Starved, seeking, worried about payments, **** in hand, knocking on the wrong doors, Fire and brimstone stoked in the belly, Mad, strange, appetizing burlesque eyes, Obnoxious smacking and licking of parched lips, Rolling on half rationed legs, Quiet, sullen, mournful footsteps, Presently placed awkwardly one in front of the other, Memory serves correctly, destitute, reprise, Thunderclaps and crashing roars, Almost forgotten, with great relief, Soon, very soon, to be lost forever, Candlelight, sobbing vigils, no power, Nail, Nail, Nail, Praise in the box, graffiti walled, Like a bathroom stall, just as ****** Docile dissolving vessels, Brought to the commonplace dropoff, Settled down and greatly relieved.
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Nov 15, 2012
Nov 15, 2012 at 11:38 PM UTC
DEADBEAT
I am from New Jersey. From the paradise of small towns And the inferno of concrete jungles. I am from truck tire playgrounds, Porch Clubs, and the whistle Of the Riverline. I am from divorce. From alcoholism and denial, From broken doors and hearts. I am from next to hell. From pouring out full forties For one's homies passed away. From too many candlelight vigils And sidewalks littered with fourth grade pictures. I am from the garden state. From cows, corn, and Clinton, And tractors in the parking lot. I am from tradition. From pasta and seven fishes, From "Mafiosa!" screamed in the streets And "No WHOPs" pasted on storefronts. I am from love. From three parents and four siblings, From six dogs and duplicate holidays, And the smell of tulips and holly.
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Jul 2, 2017
Jul 2, 2017 at 10:09 PM UTC
Where I'm From
[Dedicated to Austin Osman Spare] Have pity ! show no pity ! Those eyes that send such shivers Into my brain and spine : oh let them Flame like the ancient city Swallowed up by the sulphurous rivers When men let angels fret them ! Yea ! let the south wind blow, And the Turkish banner advance, And the word go out : No quarter ! But I shall hod thee -so ! While the boys and maidens dance About the shambles of slaughter ! I know thee who thou art, The inmost fiend that curlest Thy vampire tounge about Earth's corybantic heart, Hell's warrior that whirlest The darts of horror and doubt ! Thou knowest me who I am The inmost soul and saviour Of man ; what hieroglyph Of the dragon and the lamb Shall thou and I engrave here On Time's inscandescable cliff ? Look ! in the plished granite, Black as thy cartouche is with sins, I read the searing sentence That blasts the eyes that scan it : **** and SET be TWINS." A fico for repentance ! Ay ! O Son of my mother That snarled and clawed in her womb As now we rave in our rapture, I know thee, I love thee, brother ! Incestuous males that consumes The light and the life that we capture. Starve thou the soul of the world, Brother, as I the body ! Shall we not glut our lust On these wretches whom Fate hath hurled To a hell of jesus and shoddy, Dung and ethics and dust ? Thou as I art Fate. Coe then, conquer and kiss me ! Come ! what hinders? Believe me : This is the thought we await. The mark is fair ; can you miss me ? See, how subtly I writhe ! Strange runes and unknown sigils I trace in the trance that thrills us. Death ! how lithe, how blithe Are these male incestuous vigils ! Ah ! this is the spasm that kills us ! Wherefore I solemnly affirm This twofold Oneness at the term. Asar on Asi did beget Horus twin brother unto Set. Now Set and Horus kiss, to call The Soul of the Unnatural Forth from the dusk ; then nature slain Lets the Beyond be born again. This weird is of the tongue of Khem, The Conjuration used of them. Whoso shall speak it, let him die, His bowels rotting inwardly, Save he uncover and caress The God that lighteth his liesse.
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6k
The Twins
[Dedicated to Austin Osman Spare] Have pity ! show no pity ! Those eyes that send such shivers Into my brain and spine : oh let them Flame like the ancient city Swallowed up by the sulphurous rivers When men let angels fret them ! Yea ! let the south wind blow, And the Turkish banner advance, And the word go out : No quarter ! But I shall hod thee -so ! While the boys and maidens dance About the shambles of slaughter ! I know thee who thou art, The inmost fiend that curlest Thy vampire tounge about Earth's corybantic heart, Hell's warrior that whirlest The darts of horror and doubt ! Thou knowest me who I am The inmost soul and saviour Of man ; what hieroglyph Of the dragon and the lamb Shall thou and I engrave here On Time's inscandescable cliff ? Look ! in the plished granite, Black as thy cartouche is with sins, I read the searing sentence That blasts the eyes that scan it : **** and SET be TWINS." A fico for repentance ! Ay ! O Son of my mother That snarled and clawed in her womb As now we rave in our rapture, I know thee, I love thee, brother ! Incestuous males that consumes The light and the life that we capture. Starve thou the soul of the world, Brother, as I the body ! Shall we not glut our lust On these wretches whom Fate hath hurled To a hell of jesus and shoddy, Dung and ethics and dust ? Thou as I art Fate. Coe then, conquer and kiss me ! Come ! what hinders? Believe me : This is the thought we await. The mark is fair ; can you miss me ? See, how subtly I writhe ! Strange runes and unknown sigils I trace in the trance that thrills us. Death ! how lithe, how blithe Are these male incestuous vigils ! Ah ! this is the spasm that kills us ! Wherefore I solemnly affirm This twofold Oneness at the term. Asar on Asi did beget Horus twin brother unto Set. Now Set and Horus kiss, to call The Soul of the Unnatural Forth from the dusk ; then nature slain Lets the Beyond be born again. This weird is of the tongue of Khem, The Conjuration used of them. Whoso shall speak it, let him die, His bowels rotting inwardly, Save he uncover and caress The God that lighteth his liesse.
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68
Perhaps there are 100,000 forms of darkness, 100,000 forms of what they call depression. I know one or two of them. There is no suffering scale, no way to compare the suffering of one human being, or one illness to another. So we hold candlelight vigils build totems to gather the universe and pull back clarity around one another’s edges But I can't burn sage inside me. It may attract the bad you hide from. Or is it the good that scares you? The world beyond the bond of hearts is a town without pity. A dull inhumanity of systems failing the people we don’t look at. In this way the brittle tethers of association are tested. Hand in hand greeting the blackening sky, bearing down like the face of a missing child’s parents, staring at one another knuckles clasp tight. Your smile the remaining mirror at the end of the world. If you were here, or I there I’d be home right now. On the inside we’re both waiting for one another still. Because I’m the same, but not. I am ruthlessly forgetful. Names, birthdays, work schedules. But I know the way your hair looks in motion. The way your face looks refracted through a cigarette ember. How when your mood shifts, the church in your eyes becomes torn, battered, and bare. If we could just give another go-round. It would be different, Remember, your best. Where you are, might be, may go. When it used to feel so good.
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Apr 27, 2018
Apr 27, 2018 at 11:58 PM UTC
Distracted, But Not Changed
O Solitude! if I must with thee dwell, Let it not be among the jumbled heap Of murky buildings: climb with me the steep,— Nature's observatory—whence the dell, In flowery slopes, its river's crystal swell, May seem a span; let me thy vigils keep 'Mongst boughs pavilioned, where the deer's swift leap Startles the wild bee from the foxglove bell. But though I'll gladly trace these scenes with thee, Yet the sweet converse of an innocent mind, Whose words are images of thoughts refined, Is my soul's pleasure; and it sure must be Almost the highest bliss of human-kind, When to thy haunts two kindred spirits flee.
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O Solitude! If I Must With Thee Dwell
The houses of my Babylon lean upon each other. They will not fall, not until the last hard hand quits the last hammer, not until misfortune loses prey, not until the least last child is gently packed in wool and sent to play. Sooner will you hear their see-saw hinges wail. Will you then ask of them a song of home? The windows of the houses of my Babylon lay bear the walls around them. Who but gray grandfathers marking time press their noses to the glass? The visions of their lonely vigils fade, half life unrecorded, shadows on parade, whispered secrets kept secret. You will never know with what intent they overlook your passing through. Rain tears on the windows of the houses of my Babylon, the bath of unattended panes dropped free from heaven. They will not wash clear. They will ever wear the haze of tainted air. You think this stain the mark of unrepentant sin. Who, then, gives the absolution of so many brown-burned fingers that will not scrub up?
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Nov 10, 2012
Nov 10, 2012 at 1:21 PM UTC
Babylonian Exile
I'm sick of burying my friends. I'm sick of saying that I'm sick of burying my friends. I'm sick of planning ******* candle light vigils. I'm sick of funerals, sick of grief, sick of the hole in my chest that keeps getting bigger. We are so young. How are so many of us already dead? Why is it that every few months, someone that I love leaves this Earth? It's not fair. I'm sick of saying it's not fair. I'm sick of "I wish i got to see you under better circumstances, but I missed you." I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of watching friends and parents and spouses and children cry. I'm sick of reminiscing on stories and looking at photos from lifetimes ago, when things were simple and we were happy. I'm sick of "they'll always be with you." I'm sick of "they live on through us." I wish they'd just live.
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Aug 5, 2022
Aug 5, 2022 at 8:48 PM UTC
Sick
How many more? I ask you, how many more? How many more are we going to sacrifice? How many more vigils will we light? How many more poems will I write? How many more of my country men will die? How many more hash tags and black displays? How many more have to pay? How many more coffins will we lift? How many more? I ask you, how many more, ****** When will this end? When will this stop? How many more tears will turn into blood drops? How many more? I ask you, how many more? Please have some mercy, have some mercy oh God!
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Feb 13, 2015
Feb 13, 2015 at 8:39 AM UTC
How many more?
in the un-mechanical nature of nature's fist crashing into mankind's attempt to stand firm against everything we can't control there are vigils, and there are tears, tears in the veil that is the idea that we are rulers of this world, that thin, ethereal fabric of existence that we put over our eyes to give us comfort makes us blind to the hurricaine. pride tells us we can let our faces weather the acid rain, leaving us scarred in lieu of granduer that is no delusion. our mother smites for insolence. we are students never meant to be teachers. our baby steps and teenage mind are going to get us killed. and father time will forget us after we are washed into the sea that we tried to claim as our own.
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Feb 19, 2013
Feb 19, 2013 at 2:26 PM UTC
We have the technology but Momma's gonna spank us anyway
In the middle of weekends of drunkenness I cry over what I see. I cry over the man I gave a marlboro too, as he bumbled and shook to get it too his mouth, I leaned in and gave him a cover for his light. I cry over the deaths and vigils in the projects, cry over the fact that there are men who have been killed over menial **** I cry over my mother and grandmother, because my love tools away in the darkness of my soul and I am not useful. I cry because I have not seen my best friend in years, and I will perhaps never see him again, even when we kept neighborhood ****** away, back to back swinging at the world just to keep our heads clean. I cry over love. I cry because there is something warm inside me, as warm as this gin. So keep me in your prayers I am a man crying, because it roils inside of me, because I can't keep my emotions in check, and don't want to. I was raised around a strong woman with even stronger emotions that could be felt like velvet and pebbles, and she taught me how to be a man and not lose my heart.
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Feb 25, 2012
Feb 25, 2012 at 7:39 PM UTC
My attitude.
When the dark comes down, oh, the wind is on the sea With lisping laugh and whimper to the red reef's threnody, The boats are sailing homeward now across the harbor bar With many a jest and many a shout from fishing grounds afar. So furl your sails and take your rest, ye fisher folk so brown, For task and quest are ended when the dark comes down. When the dark comes down, oh, the landward valleys fill Like brimming cups of purple, and on every landward hill There shines a star of twilight that is watching evermore The low, dim lighted meadows by the long, dim-lighted shore, For there, where vagrant daisies weave the grass a silver crown, The lads and lassies wander when the dark comes down. When the dark comes down, oh, the children fall asleep, And mothers in the fisher huts their happy vigils keep; There's music in the song they sing and music on the sea, The loving, lingering echoes of the twilight's litany, For toil has folded hands to dream, and care has ceased to frown, And every wave's a lyric when the dark comes down.
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When the Dark Comes Down
O solitude! if I must with thee dwell, Let it not be among the jumbled heap Of murky buildings; climb with me the steep,— Nature's observatory—whence the dell, Its flowery slopes, its river's crystal swell, May seem a span; let me thy vigils keep 'Mongst boughs pavillion'd, where the deer's swift leap Startles the wild bee from the fox-glove bell. But though I'll gladly trace these scenes with thee, Yet the sweet converse of an innocent mind, Whose words are images of thoughts refin'd, Is my soul's pleasure; and it sure must be Almost the highest bliss of human-kind, When to thy haunts two kindred spirits flee.
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2.3k
To Solitude
Tall tales of Death and misfortune Appalachian nightmares of pearly rune When the musics over and all is out of tune Be sure to check out of the hotel Before the clock strikes noon Wear your plastic earrings and your shiny silk Be careful when you open the fridge not to spill your milk A heart shape tattoo in a burning building rises No lover ever likes to see the other in ****** surprises Touch the crystal fountain, but let not your hand waver Horse tracks are aflame and no angel gives a favor Green jade rests under clear rushing river savor A father loses a son to a shot transformed to fever After the vigils we cremated the afternoon in hand held pairs The mourners pushed their thoughts out their minds and stared Even the mountains and the trees and the wind made no sound - they did not dare At peace a foreign thing for a family and friends who did so care In time we are hurtling toward the end of life Either to cease or to once again begin All these theories of holy faith and sin Falls to the wayside when a brother loses his kin I give my thanks for the life that I feel around me In my pores, my hair, my toes, my throat and eyes Money, fame, power - these are material prizes A friendship of love, respect, and trust is what binds me We walk the trail We read the signs The road splits There isn't much time Do not fear to go alone There will be others Along this beaten road Do not fear to venture forth Into the foggy unknown For all that will be sewn Has been sewn before You will always be you Whoever that may be Turn the coin, The sapphire, Mysteries laughter. You will not be alone Hear your own hearts tone There will be many things You'll wish to atone Before you put down the phone Head South, East, North, West You will know what is best
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Jul 29, 2013
Jul 29, 2013 at 11:30 AM UTC
At a Crossroad Fortune
Tall tales of Death and misfortune Appalachian nightmares of pearly rune When the musics over and all is out of tune Be sure to check out of the hotel Before the clock strikes noon Wear your plastic earrings and your shiny silk Be careful when you open the fridge not to spill your milk A heart shape tattoo in a burning building rises No lover ever likes to see the other in ****** surprises Touch the crystal fountain, but let not your hand waver Horse tracks are aflame and no angel gives a favor Green jade rests under clear rushing river savor A father loses a son to a shot transformed to fever After the vigils we cremated the afternoon in hand held pairs The mourners pushed their thoughts out their minds and stared Even the mountains and the trees and the wind made no sound - they did not dare At peace a foreign thing for a family and friends who did so care In time we are hurtling toward the end of life Either to cease or to once again begin All these theories of holy faith and sin Falls to the wayside when a brother loses his kin I give my thanks for the life that I feel around me In my pores, my hair, my toes, my throat and eyes Money, fame, power - these are material prizes A friendship of love, respect, and trust is what binds me We walk the trail We read the signs The road splits There isn't much time Do not fear to go alone There will be others Along this beaten road Do not fear to venture forth Into the foggy unknown For all that will be sewn Has been sewn before You will always be you Whoever that may be Turn the coin, The sapphire, Mysteries laughter. You will not be alone Hear your own hearts tone There will be many things You'll wish to atone Before you put down the phone Head South, East, North, West You will know what is best
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49
molten i woke to your understated outro song crowded at the corpse door with the curtains drawn and only briefly wishing phantom pain on endless vigils for a swollen soul sealed the crypt your moonlit recital ceased to no applause
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Jan 21, 2018
Jan 21, 2018 at 12:24 PM UTC
song for falling dust
second match lit and gone cinders burn and hearts forlorn the curse it summons haunts the head with terrors of happiness that could have been yet light seeps in through half-open eyes though distorted with tearful disguise as pain brings no warning, leaves none secure as jealousy hidden in palms, submerged the blush leaks in, roses bloom in the fall the demise of your companions the source of it all as you dream of the kiss you exercised on your lips with the faint gossamer trails of a butterfly's bliss the chill of winters creaks in your bones the scratch of a pencil strengthening your woes no amount of perfume will cover the cologne no amount of tears shed with forget what you've known four times the curse has struck the heart and bled loves juice through every part through wrecked veins and bruised bones metastasizing, leaving you all on your own through love's gentle heart brings peace to the world a violent disguise for the pain it truly burns candlelight vigils carry sorrow no longer for love's vicious hand strikes down younger and younger given sunshine rays to be brought to the soil trotted on by millions worrying of their sorrows problems; as if they have so much insulting those who dare not live, dare not touch the shreds of life they hold so dear and those in tow they hold so near tears. wet drivers run dry is it always truly better to try? sk
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Sep 10, 2013
Sep 10, 2013 at 6:19 PM UTC
curses hung by empty hangers
Sister and mother and diviner love, And of the sisterhood of the living dead Most near, most clear, and of the clearest bloom, And of the fragrant mothers the most dear And queen, and of diviner love the day And flame and summer and sweet fire, no thread Of cloudy silver sprinkles in your gown Its venom of renown, and on your head No crown is simpler than the simple hair. Now, of the music summoned by the birth That separates us from the wind and sea, Yet leaves us in them, until earth becomes, By being so much of the things we are, Gross effigy and simulacrum, none Gives motion to perfection more serene Than yours, out of our own imperfections wrought, Most rare, or ever of more kindred air In the laborious weaving that you wear. For so retentive of themselves are men That music is intensest which proclaims The near, the clear, and vaunts the clearest bloom, And of all the vigils musing the obscure, That apprehends the most which sees and names, As in your name, an image that is sure, Among the arrant spices of the sun, O bough and bush and scented vine, in whom We give ourselves our likest issuance. Yet not too like, yet not so like to be Too near, too clear, saving a little to endow Our feigning with the strange unlike, whence springs The difference that heavenly pity brings. For this, musician, in your girdle fixed Bear other perfumes. On your pale head wear A band entwining, set with fatal stones. Unreal, give back to us what once you gave: The imagination that we spurned and crave.
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1.7k
To The One Of Fictive Music
Sister and mother and diviner love, And of the sisterhood of the living dead Most near, most clear, and of the clearest bloom, And of the fragrant mothers the most dear And queen, and of diviner love the day And flame and summer and sweet fire, no thread Of cloudy silver sprinkles in your gown Its venom of renown, and on your head No crown is simpler than the simple hair. Now, of the music summoned by the birth That separates us from the wind and sea, Yet leaves us in them, until earth becomes, By being so much of the things we are, Gross effigy and simulacrum, none Gives motion to perfection more serene Than yours, out of our own imperfections wrought, Most rare, or ever of more kindred air In the laborious weaving that you wear. For so retentive of themselves are men That music is intensest which proclaims The near, the clear, and vaunts the clearest bloom, And of all the vigils musing the obscure, That apprehends the most which sees and names, As in your name, an image that is sure, Among the arrant spices of the sun, O bough and bush and scented vine, in whom We give ourselves our likest issuance. Yet not too like, yet not so like to be Too near, too clear, saving a little to endow Our feigning with the strange unlike, whence springs The difference that heavenly pity brings. For this, musician, in your girdle fixed Bear other perfumes. On your pale head wear A band entwining, set with fatal stones. Unreal, give back to us what once you gave: The imagination that we spurned and crave.
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36
this is not your typical cathedral hurling damnation and touching you this is the gristle of igneous rock grinding your wings to an absolute stop bad things have shadows that would rather fall than never leap in the first place this is hard to understand but i forgive you for keeping me alive.... this bright spot that follows rabbits into new holes churning the placid Samadhi to favor the whirlwind of a stillness you are one of those things-     all impossible between dreams. handing me volcanoes and ice screams i'll just die if i live through this, i'll be one of those blithering kisses affixed to scarecrows of dead laws ! i'll  have the moon enslaved to vigils of contempt to fibrillate  the zombies in my Disneyland but you will have to  confiscate my happiness to spite your grace
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Oct 9, 2011
Oct 9, 2011 at 11:48 AM UTC
I'll Just Die, If I Live
my purpose of those yearly vigils was primarily as an effort for Colton to hear through the grapevine in one form or another that he was not only not forgotten but that he was extremely well loved and sincerely missed and to show Colton that whether his leaving was unintentional as in afraid to come home for missing curfew and 1 day turned into 2,3,4 and by that time he may have felt that he had painted himself into a corner and I wanted him to not feel embarrassed or humiliated that this had gone on as far as it had because, hell, the whole world that knew him or at least his family and friends were willing to have a party and he was the guest of honor!!!! No, it's not like I ever had that fantasy that in the middle of pizza the first year or grilled burgers that last year that he would come walking up and join us although it was a comforting story we all let run through out minds at least once or twice as we planned these events ea September although my once upon a time story usually had Colton walking in the back door as i'm doing dishes (see, it really is a fairy tale) and in typical Colton fashion he tries to play it off tries to play me with a "Hi, Mom" and act like nothing had happened and I am torn between hugging him and grounding him But actually I know I would have done what I always did to all of my children whenever they came back from camp or being with the other parent or whenever I had gone away from them for any length of time was sniff their head and get that scent of them just like when they were babies although teenage head is not the same smell especially if they haven't washed their hair it's a mom thang (Did you kids know this or was I slick when I did this) Or had Colton purposely planned his get away in an effort to start a new identity knowing in hindsight just how horribly stressed he had been with events occurring to him at such a young age of 17 and it was bittersweet to hear the new Shinedown tune playing at that time Second Chance where the singer tells his parents goodbye and I wanted him to find out that the Colton Ross Barrera that he had tried to leave behind was still very much needed to come home And at one time it used to scare me that my son ran away because he hated me now i am sad that my son hadn't ran away and now I know he didn't leave and that his life was taken from him and yearly candle light vigils (I didn't even know for sure how to pronounce that word until 5 yrs ago) are not going to bring him back
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Dec 23, 2013
Dec 23, 2013 at 8:34 AM UTC
yearly candle light vigils
my purpose of those yearly vigils was primarily as an effort for Colton to hear through the grapevine in one form or another that he was not only not forgotten but that he was extremely well loved and sincerely missed and to show Colton that whether his leaving was unintentional as in afraid to come home for missing curfew and 1 day turned into 2,3,4 and by that time he may have felt that he had painted himself into a corner and I wanted him to not feel embarrassed or humiliated that this had gone on as far as it had because, hell, the whole world that knew him or at least his family and friends were willing to have a party and he was the guest of honor!!!! No, it's not like I ever had that fantasy that in the middle of pizza the first year or grilled burgers that last year that he would come walking up and join us although it was a comforting story we all let run through out minds at least once or twice as we planned these events ea September although my once upon a time story usually had Colton walking in the back door as i'm doing dishes (see, it really is a fairy tale) and in typical Colton fashion he tries to play it off tries to play me with a "Hi, Mom" and act like nothing had happened and I am torn between hugging him and grounding him But actually I know I would have done what I always did to all of my children whenever they came back from camp or being with the other parent or whenever I had gone away from them for any length of time was sniff their head and get that scent of them just like when they were babies although teenage head is not the same smell especially if they haven't washed their hair it's a mom thang (Did you kids know this or was I slick when I did this) Or had Colton purposely planned his get away in an effort to start a new identity knowing in hindsight just how horribly stressed he had been with events occurring to him at such a young age of 17 and it was bittersweet to hear the new Shinedown tune playing at that time Second Chance where the singer tells his parents goodbye and I wanted him to find out that the Colton Ross Barrera that he had tried to leave behind was still very much needed to come home And at one time it used to scare me that my son ran away because he hated me now i am sad that my son hadn't ran away and now I know he didn't leave and that his life was taken from him and yearly candle light vigils (I didn't even know for sure how to pronounce that word until 5 yrs ago) are not going to bring him back
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112
Hot box a cigarette , sawmill gravy and country ham , Entrenched in the morning paper , dishes scrubbed , drumming of pots and pans ! Blue collar people with somewhere to be , buoy's chained to the bottom of the sea ! Sweet black ribbon covered in fire ants , May honeybees , wildebeest crossing the wild African plains.. White smokestack dens of endless toil , black tar factories , dead fish waterway , boiling star infrastructures ! Biscuit , tobacco , hot coffee welder , plumber and electrician Caviar , flounder , after dinner mint doctor and lawyer .. Goody powders ,  soda pop cures , work induced migraines for societies  'riff raff' , high atop steel skeletons , life hanging in balance . Xanax , blue cheese , marriage counselor soccer moms , yoga , wine party ..Young people lie in their own blood , candle light vigils are like all others . Repetitive anguish falling on deaf ears , billion dollar football stadiums , homeless freeze to death , Good Morning America focused on the Grammy Awards or someones *** , Miley's tongue , Scientology or Donny and Marie ! Bath salt possession , teenagers are shot full of bullets , Kelley and Michael promote Hollywood garbage , their so ******* cute !
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Nov 9, 2015
Nov 9, 2015 at 10:35 AM UTC
Monday morning spew .....
I will wait here. I will wait precisely in this cabinet, Until you prise it open In that delicate curiosity That is lost in ‘today’. My words are more patient than myself. I know that now, I think I always did. It is why I love and Why I love so patiently. I will wait so gladly in my place, Until poetry is fashion once more. It is a sure case In a sorry state. Hearts that beat too fast And breaths that are too frequently Forsaken for a foolish enterprise Of some invested individual Sat watching behind a blast screen. I will wait here and think back. To remember the fuzzy nothing Of my childhood mind. I recall little But the polarities. The spaces of life That intercede mere existence. I bask in these doctored images of a past That I never quite had. A fatherless summer Forgotten instantly in garage top vigils, Kicked footballs and years that were endless. I wonder if my words will last longer Than the etchings of your gravestone. I wonder more so whether you would Approve of them and how much I would Have cared if you did not. A father is lost And is abstract for me. Like God, An ever-present utterance of nothing at all Or perhaps everything that I am Or could possibly ever be. I wonder whether my love of words Is nothing but a longing for permanence In a world that has forever shown me Futility. I have read of it in your name Again and again through till now, And thenceforth years to come. Your name, How it needs to mean something, Your voice, your ‘I’ through the ages, For it envelops me within it - we are the same Mr. It is within your void that I search for a father. An ancestor to tell me who I am And from where I have come. The plight of the Ape-men that have been, their legacies Wrought in blood-stained gold But also in each yellowing poem And from the hand prints on cave walls. These are the will of my fathers, The trinkets on my mantelpiece. It is within you all that my words Remain patient. It is within you all That my will remains clear. For I know now (Or perhaps I always did) That there is a voice amongst us. It may sleep through the noise of today, All-talk and no communication. It may sleep Right on through until we awake. Our eyes Will burn for staring at the screens, But our hearts will sing for their reprieve.
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Aug 3, 2013
Aug 3, 2013 at 9:34 PM UTC
A Freudian Mess
I will wait here. I will wait precisely in this cabinet, Until you prise it open In that delicate curiosity That is lost in ‘today’. My words are more patient than myself. I know that now, I think I always did. It is why I love and Why I love so patiently. I will wait so gladly in my place, Until poetry is fashion once more. It is a sure case In a sorry state. Hearts that beat too fast And breaths that are too frequently Forsaken for a foolish enterprise Of some invested individual Sat watching behind a blast screen. I will wait here and think back. To remember the fuzzy nothing Of my childhood mind. I recall little But the polarities. The spaces of life That intercede mere existence. I bask in these doctored images of a past That I never quite had. A fatherless summer Forgotten instantly in garage top vigils, Kicked footballs and years that were endless. I wonder if my words will last longer Than the etchings of your gravestone. I wonder more so whether you would Approve of them and how much I would Have cared if you did not. A father is lost And is abstract for me. Like God, An ever-present utterance of nothing at all Or perhaps everything that I am Or could possibly ever be. I wonder whether my love of words Is nothing but a longing for permanence In a world that has forever shown me Futility. I have read of it in your name Again and again through till now, And thenceforth years to come. Your name, How it needs to mean something, Your voice, your ‘I’ through the ages, For it envelops me within it - we are the same Mr. It is within your void that I search for a father. An ancestor to tell me who I am And from where I have come. The plight of the Ape-men that have been, their legacies Wrought in blood-stained gold But also in each yellowing poem And from the hand prints on cave walls. These are the will of my fathers, The trinkets on my mantelpiece. It is within you all that my words Remain patient. It is within you all That my will remains clear. For I know now (Or perhaps I always did) That there is a voice amongst us. It may sleep through the noise of today, All-talk and no communication. It may sleep Right on through until we awake. Our eyes Will burn for staring at the screens, But our hearts will sing for their reprieve.
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65
sometimes i really wish i could disappear though everyone says they would miss me i really doubt it i don't know maybe they would think of all the things they've ever done wrong think of which one was the tipping point when did they cross that line? i can see it now the candle light vigils the peer speeches about how caring and loving i was the fake tears a shocked conversations "this didn't have to end the way it did" "I wish we'd known, we would've helped in any way we could've" but you do know you can help but oh i'm sorry i forgot it's easier to pretend than it is to care
0
Sep 21, 2018
Sep 21, 2018 at 7:38 PM UTC
a little too much too late
Throw the window open To bring cool air to a room Which gathered heat With all the thoughts Bouncing off the closed walls. Night. The sky, a bruised purple, The clouds faint, infra-red. The trees are cut-out silhouettes Placed in the foreground of endlessness. 1.a.m. The night is still. There is the hum of a plane in the distance, Last train now long past earshot. Thin blue curtains play at the breeze, Tickle my shoulder As I kneel at the ashtray, The windowsill altar. Ornaments reveal themselves In the black gardens below. The gnome with the broken tambourine That kicks up in the current, The wind chime on the Apple Tree; The bell on the house cat’s neck. Staring into space all night But with this view I do not have to strain my eyes. Do not linger on the details That are lost in the shadow. Always made time for the moon. The quiet one at parties, Only came alive at night, In the company of those who drink wine, Swallow pills in the morning To see the day through. Room scarred with scorch marks, Stains from drunken falls. All those endless nights, Dead bedsheets, Waiting for the chemicals To push my head underwater, To find sleep. Windowsill vigils, Awake with the moon. Kept myself alive For these pockets of time Where I do not need to talk. Where I do not need to move.
0
May 14, 2016
May 14, 2016 at 8:36 PM UTC
Stillness
I must fall alone on the harmful, wretched waste of everyday life, like a constantly shrinking, bloated, bloated dwarf; because not only the petty, predictable pair of opposites of goodness and evil has become a mysterious jungle - but the fist of bribery is hitting me in the head, since the star of the Universe that promises peace may not even be reachable. Like a shipwrecked ship, the petal-soul is constantly orphaned in it, which once wanted to trust in the One. A flood of disastrous sins will trample me to the ground if I am not careful. Human-bloods struggling for ends are screaming and shouting around me, tearing apart the secret chalice of selfless helping intentions to their heart's content, dragon-angry crowds-herds are drunkenly going to each other's laps, or are fighting. Who is in the mood for what?! The eternal child, always curious and ready to play, who I cannot forget and would never intend to let go, is still bent over in me, still sheepish. Is it necessary to crumble at the table of vigils, like millstones in the night burdened with nightmares?! I listen in silence to the beaks with iron hooks that cut life, in the mouths of half-darkness they were still forced to snap like cutting scissors; let the moonscape-loneliness be petty, let it be selfish, since they were at once primitive, unbridled restless wanderers, whom Zhivágoy winds, Jericho trumpets have torn, flayed, and whined enough. Even a believer in rainbow-foamy promises, I can no longer be completely happy. On the thin, rabbit-tail-sized border of a passing minute and eternity, it would be good for the sick, arrhythmic heart to know and feel when the judgment of mortality is preparing for its last supper, the one-Someone might still know here on this earth!
0
Sep 11, 2025
Sep 11, 2025 at 1:45 AM UTC
BLOOD-FEASTS, DWARF-CRUMBS
I must fall alone on the harmful, wretched waste of everyday life, like a constantly shrinking, bloated, bloated dwarf; because not only the petty, predictable pair of opposites of goodness and evil has become a mysterious jungle - but the fist of bribery is hitting me in the head, since the star of the Universe that promises peace may not even be reachable. Like a shipwrecked ship, the petal-soul is constantly orphaned in it, which once wanted to trust in the One. A flood of disastrous sins will trample me to the ground if I am not careful. Human-bloods struggling for ends are screaming and shouting around me, tearing apart the secret chalice of selfless helping intentions to their heart's content, dragon-angry crowds-herds are drunkenly going to each other's laps, or are fighting. Who is in the mood for what?! The eternal child, always curious and ready to play, who I cannot forget and would never intend to let go, is still bent over in me, still sheepish. Is it necessary to crumble at the table of vigils, like millstones in the night burdened with nightmares?! I listen in silence to the beaks with iron hooks that cut life, in the mouths of half-darkness they were still forced to snap like cutting scissors; let the moonscape-loneliness be petty, let it be selfish, since they were at once primitive, unbridled restless wanderers, whom Zhivágoy winds, Jericho trumpets have torn, flayed, and whined enough. Even a believer in rainbow-foamy promises, I can no longer be completely happy. On the thin, rabbit-tail-sized border of a passing minute and eternity, it would be good for the sick, arrhythmic heart to know and feel when the judgment of mortality is preparing for its last supper, the one-Someone might still know here on this earth!
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4
Under the tree Under the shade I sat me down and wrote my poem In the heat of noontide The braze of summer Reminiscence of my trials Under the tree Under the shade I stood and sat Stood and walked around Aimlessly in heaviness Wondering how, why and what for Under the tree Under the shade I sat with my pen And wrote my song immortal Recounting my quondam thralldom The genesis of my exodus The Numbering of my lapidation The Levitical ministry of providence The Deuteronomic prospects of victoire The Joshua-like expeditions and vigils That brought triumph on enemy And lead my feet to Canaan
0
Jun 18, 2012
Jun 18, 2012 at 9:32 AM UTC
The Tree Of Decisions