I smile at everything she is
She is every Disney Princess
There ever was
And I'm in love.
She has the strength of Mulan
With a Beauty like Belle
The defiance of Ariel
And a voice like Aurora
She has kindness like Cinderella
And can cook like Tiana.
She is my very own
Disney princess
The best there ever was
All their perfect qualities
Rolled into one.

✨BITTER SILENT CRIES

LETTER TO MY LONG GONE CHILD ,

Dear child,

You came as a surprise,
By turn out of events,
Everything happened so fast,
Mind-blogging and my fears came to reality,
The planned surprised us with the unplanned.

I feel guilty, mirthless.
Disguised by my actions,
Yeah, I did wish one day I'd have a kid,
I hoped and desired to one day fill it with love and affection,
I hoped that one day I'd get to feel him in my arms and feel it with warmth,
I did hope that one day, he'll be the reason I wake up smiling and inspired to live for a lifetime.
I hoped for a better life.

But what did i do,
Instead of being elated,
I became the terminator,
I killed all my dreams,
Rushed to an absurd decision,
My desires turned out to be my nightmares,
My expectations became the catalyst to my destruction.

Everyday I swim an ocean with no end,
With sharp ends that pierce my soul with sorrow,pain and remorse.
Get to feel the breeze with no significance,
Doomed light that gets me tripping,
Faded sunshine that reminds me that you are long gone.
This load inside my heart's so heavy,
Like a rock permanently placed.

My child,
Will you ever forgive mama?
Are you safe wherever you are?
Do they give you the kind of treatment I failed to give you?
Do they wake up early to check up on you and kiss you goodnight?
Do they teach you how to pronounce words I failed to?
Please talk to me,
Give me a sign,
I really miss you.

Letter from mama

#tortured☆soul...

©tiana...💔😪

What if the fairy tales happened today?
Would they still live
Happily Ever After?

What if Belle asked the magic mirror to show her the Beast and when it did it revealed that he wasn't there alone?

What if Jasmine found out that she wasn't the only one Aladdin was taking for a ride on his magic carpet?

What if Ariel checked Eric's phone and discovered Facebook messages which proved he wasn't over Ursula?

What if Tiana learned that Naveen was still a slimy frog, catching anything he could with his tongue?

What if Snow White wasn't the only who the Prince was Charming? Following and charming as many princesses as he could on Twitter!

What if Sleeping Beauty woke up to find Prince Philip Tindering while she slept!?

What if Mulan found out that all Li Shang really wanted was to come over for nothing more than "Netflix and Chill"!?

What if Pocahontas kept in touch with John Smith through snapchat and all he wanted were photos of her wearing nothing but the colours of the wind!?

What if Rapunzel was left in the tower because Flynn Rider wasn't bothered to climb the tower, suggested they FaceTime instead!?

What if Cinderella discovered dancing at ***** was just a one time thing? That her happily ever after was just cooking and cleaning for the Prince in a bigger castle!?

What if living Happily Ever After is as old as the fairy tales that created it!?

becareful Cinderella
your sisters want your fella
there is no umbrella
for the amount of years
you'll spend in tears
Sleeping beauty, keep on dreaming
Don't wake up to princes scheming
you'll find yourself lost in things not worth believing
Ariel, adhere to the truth
don't trade the Ocean for feeling blue
You shouldn't have to change who you are
If the man is really for you
Repunzel, don't let down your hair
be your own hero, let that dragon know you're not scared
Snow white be wise with whom you dabble
better to starve than eat from rotten apples
those dwarves are small but they're your brothers
let them help you re-discover
all the things about yourself
you won't learn from a prince or someone else
Jasmine listen
has anyone mentioned
better to have a man thats smitten
then a man who's simply full of riches
Belle be aware with the beast
he is only half a man to say the least
Tiana don't you find it odd
that your kiss could make him a prince
instead of instruction from God
oh the fairy tales we tell
do not buy what they try to sell
you're better off without that loan
finance your thinking on your own
what you produce will be better for your story
and worth hearing if it includes God getting the glory...

When it’s too early to sleep but too late to cry
And everyone else but you seems to care when it’s appropriate to do either
The skin just above your lips tastes of salt
Your nostrils and skull under the same pressure
Clogged with mucus and doubt, both trying to escape
Can’t seem to get out
So it sits there building up until you draw in
swallowing
Mucus, doubt, confusion, all absorbed into your body, filling the empty spaces from the last time you cried
You drift off to sleep, and pray the sheets are not drenched with the leaking mess when you awake in the early afternoon.


I wonder if you know how much that song affected me
I know I called you and told you how timely it was, that text in the middle of talking to Tiana
Lauren? Lauren. So out-of-the-blue, it was like you knew.
Still, I wonder if you know just how much it assisted my decision...
How I walked for hours wandering Brooklyn listening to that song on repeat hoping for a sign
How my world stopped when I first heard it
How I kept it from anyone who might have needed it because I thought I needed its magic all to myself.
I thought that song would give me an answer. Maybe it did.
I might have known the answer from day one. Sometimes I feel like I did, and I just didn't know how to handle it.

All it really takes is one line and I’m in
In like
In lust
In love
"I’d rather you give up on life in the city then give up on life too."
The connection convinced me it’s mine because I understand
And no one else
But that city chews up and spits out more people than downloads of that song
I don’t know that for sure but I bet it’s true.
Still, when I heard that line and a few others before it, I felt it was God singing them to me
This could have been because I was looking for a sign. It could have fit so perfectly into my situation because I am not different at all in this aspect of my life; a lot of people go through this (and possibly even the band, resulting in the song itself)
I haven’t listened to it since I left
And right now, I’m thinking that’s a good thing.


Call it selfish, delusional, illogical,
Call it what you want but sometimes
Like I told Laureen in the St. George dorm
Sometimes, a lot of the time, I believe
The world revolves around me
Isn’t that normal though?
Everyone’s view of the world is through their eyes
So their life is, well, them.
Maybe it’s bad to think my life will be a movie or a book one day
Maybe everyone thinks that, or maybe not
Maybe I’m a narcissist.
No. I’m too fragile. I’m too caring. I’m too understanding.
Wow, I might as well have said, I’m just too great to be a narcissist.
Haha, got a laugh in, that’s good.  


Alison wrote me a letter the night before she left
And gave it to me that morning, standing on the concrete sidewalk outside our building
100 Henry Street. Room 336
The hostility I had been feeling for months vanished, replaced with too many emotions to decipher but guilt leading strong
Her letter may not have been three pages long
It may not have been written with multi-colored sharpie markers
It may not have been as visually pleasing as mine
But it was perfect. And she was the only one who wrote me back.
I read it when I need to, which is probably too often.
One line.
"To be honest Haley, you are very ******* yourself and sometimes you simply cannot make a choice and I want you to remember to keep breathing."
One line.
And more than one tear.
Every single ******* time.

Maybe because it’s true.
The second I read it, I realized she was right
While all year I loved to prove her wrong
Alison, congratulations, you’re right.

But you’re also wrong (see you can’t win)
It’s not that easy to keep breathing when your
Nose is filled with mucus and your head is packed with confusion
And your nostrils are stuffed with the leaking confusing from your head
It’s not so easy to keep breathing, then again you didn’t say it would be
But it’s not so easy to keep breathing when you don’t even care if you stop.

I am Tiana
On my feet until I can't go any longer
Promising myself everything will be worthwhile
And that all my dreams will come true.
I am Merida
Trying to find my own path
Desperately trying to evade my fate
Staying brave for everyone, including myself.
I am Rapunzel
A little bit conflicted sometimes
Dreaming of an adventure
But not to betray what she knows.
I am Mulan
Willing to be unconventional
And ready to protect her home and family
From dishonor and shame.
I am Belle
Making the best of seemingly impossible situations
Searching for knowledge and beauty within words
Spreading light to the darkest of souls.
I am Elsa
Who just wants to be free
To be able to use her gifts
Without hurting the people she loves.
I am me
The girl who sang into a pink-and-white plastic karaoke machine
To "I Won't Say I'm in Love"
Who saw these women as strong and beautiful.
I am a princess
The author, main character, and narrator of my story
Dancing to the beat of her own drum
Taking life's problems and turning them into lessons.
I am a heroine in my own right,
Disney or no.

✨√SIGNED_FATE

I looked at myself in the mirror,
Smiled,  but hit back with a frawning reflection,  
My thoughts lingered on the darkened soul,
Where the black suit sheltered pain, deep sketched scars of a tortured heart...
A place they found as comfortable as home,
A place they cry and mourn.

Daughter of fate as written,
Happiness buried deep within my soul,
Screams and cries of the vengeful beasts inside,
Wanting to be let free,  
And ***** the whole situation up.
Echoes of the defeaning silence,
Sending me to hades...

They watching,
My every move tracking,
Leading me on a journey there's nothing like retrieving,
Where I hope to have an unerrinng ******* life,  
Where I wish they lull me to eternal sleep.

Their voices becoming louder as I pootle in,
Gravitating deeper in the gloomy atmosphere,  
Wild thoughts circulating in my mind,
Suicidal thoughts taking the better part of me,
with a force greater than centrifugal,  
dismantling whole of my right mind.

Their open arms luring me to hug back,
No one can save me now,
No one can unhitch me from these chains of torment, condemnation,
My mind is all frozen,
My heart is all broken,
Nothing's right,  
Maybe signing my fate is the only real thing,
Maybe I'll no longer feel this emptiness,
loneliness,
Just like leaves gyrate slowly to the ground.

Everything happens so fast,
In nick of time, blade in my hand,  
Gashed both of my wrists, half-arsed,
Gush of blood flowing,
I pass out,
In a pool of a blood,  I lay helplessly,
Waiting for my flipping Will to be read out.
Signed fate...

©tiana...😭

✨SOMEONE I LOVED...

Dear heartbreaker,

Why are you chasing something that's already gone?
Why are you realizing your mistakes when it's all too late?
Why are you apologizing when I've already made up my mind?
Why are you giving me your time when my clock long stopped?
Why?

Why are you showing your concern, when every mistreatment is packed up and on replay in my mind?
Why are you trying to make things right when I don't care anymore,
Why are you finding it so hard to let go when I've already given up?
Why?

You knew a day like this will come,
You knew one day I'll get fed up and find my way out,
You knew one day I'll untie all the knots and set you free,
You knew one day I'll stop begging for you to stay,
You knew one day I'll stop apologizing for your mistakes,
You knew one day this love you called 'desperate ' will fade and turn out to an illusion.

You were my life,
But the blades of rejection cut deeper than a knife,
You were my breathe,
But that air we used to share, chokes me now,
You gave me reasons to live,
But now, no amount of threats can shake me with a life I no longer care about,
You gave me reasons to smile,
But nothing is genuine now, the smile I give is just a reflection of my pain.
Happiness, joy, were my particulars,
But now, pain is just part of me,
Sad songs, my comfort,
The hole you dug, my home.

Please, just don't follow me,
Don't ask how am doing,
Don't try to stop me from what I'm about to do.
Let the fire that kept our love burning,
Consume every piece of memory to ashes.
You are just a little too early, to say goodbye,
But a little too late, to save a life...

#brokensoul...
#shatteredheart...

©tiana... 💔

In this lonely Saturday evening,
I want to tell you a story..

I want to tell you about
what will happen to Cinderella if the Prince Charming doesn't find her..
what will happen to Ariel if she doesn't have a courage to be human..
will Belle marry Gaston?
and if there's no true love's kiss, Will Snow White and Aurora sleep till forever?
what if the Prince can't find Rapunzel's tower?
what if Jasmine will never open her heart?
and what will happen if Tiana **** the Prince Frog instead of kissing him?

*What if?

Anxiety..
Sometimes it ***** to be you,
Losing everything you knew,
Earning nothing,
Feeling useless, becomes the daily dose,
Fake life, fake living,
It's all we are left with.
Nothing feels right,
Everyone becomes boring,
You can't do anything right,
Perfection becomes a fantasy, a dream,

Thinking we moving forward,
But in reality taking a step backwards every time,
No one seem to notice your efforts,
Not even a single achievement,
Because we are ****** up,
Living a life that's far from normal.
A loner,
Soon, a goner.

Over thinking turns to anxiety,
Anxiety to stress,
Stress to depression,
Depression to Self-harm,
Suicidal thoughts creeping in.
Life's worth, doesn't make sense anymore,
Nothing is working out,
Just fake smiles and bleeding hearts.

The blade becomes your friend,
Because all you want to feel is pain.
When you look at yourself in the mirror,
You just wanna convince yourself you not pretty enough, you wanna see all the scars,
You wanna look at all your imperfections from a complete, different, cold level,
Just to get those tears,
Getting into a fight with your friends,
Just to convince yourself you are alone.
Looking for trouble everywhere, because you wanna feel the mess,
More reasons to hate life,
To hate you.

Victim of Insomnia,
Late nights, your daily routine,
'Cause you wanna feel the silence,
You wanna get your demons to speak out,
You wanna drown into your ocean of thoughts,
Swimming in the waves of negativity,
Sad songs spicing it up,
Just digging deep and rethinking,
Meditating on whatever you wished would happen to you.
Because all you see is death in every corner,
A car running you over when on the road,
A fire outbreak when sleeping,
All you see in your problems is making use of that blade under your pillow.

It's already 3am,
Your monsters calling out on you again,
Like a bittersweet rhythm,
The voices getting louder,
The bed becoming colder,
Holding on to your pillows for dear life,
Screaming in silence,
Wishing for someone's presence,
Someone who could just understand how you feel,
And not tell you to be okay,
Or do this or that, cause you've heard all that **** before,
Someone to hold you, and not try to make you feel you can do it, because you can't.
You just want support, not assurance, not hope, not encouragement, no nothing.

Anxiety, like a wrecking ball
Crushing down my efforts,
Losing more than am winning.
Low self-esteem knocking,
Failing in every success,
It's too much to bear,
It's okay that you care,
But i can't have it fair.

Tired of hoping and waiting,
Efforts are fading,
Yet the forces am facing,
Are doubtfully strengthening,
My demons awakening,
Can't bear the noise,
Most in a high voice,
Freezing me like ice.

Tryna be alone,
Only to be lonely,
Tried congregations,
Only found them boring,
In love with constellations,
Counting a million stars,
Just for the night to pass,
Castles in my mind,
With angels singing hymns
Finally peace in the cold nights.
Anxiety at its Peak.

©tiana💞  ©Nml💎

✨I fear the unknown

I'm walking down the aisle,
Looking all beautiful and elegant,
Maybe all this to impress the man standing infront of the altar, waiting for me.
But it doesn't feel right,
Something's missing.
Unlike other brides,
I'm not that happy.
Maybe that's what it feels like,
The congregation seem happy for me, for us, but my heart ain't,
Its frowning, I'd have thought its jealousy 'cause someone else gonna share it, but no, it's a strong feeling, tag war between the heart and mind, instincts and the 'love' I think is there.

I'm closer to the altar,
He's ready to take my hand and lead me to the journey fate planned for us,
But ****, my mind is strolling on a different lonely path,
A lane of no return, of looking back, a lane that...
I'm worried now,
With questions in my heart,
Maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm too nervous, but where is this trust I claimed to have,
Where is this love?
Is this a mistake?did we rush things on such a short notice?
Am I really lucky like my girlfriends say?

We are already here,
My dad is handing me over to him,
Instead of being elated, I'm feeling scared,
Is this the right thing to do?
Am I really on the right path?
Why am I so insecure?why do I think he's gonna forget all this, and see me as a nobody someday?
Why do I feel he's gonna fall out of love,  and no longer treasure what we have?
Why am I too engrossed to the thoughts that he's gonna hurt me, he's not gonna show me respect even infront of our kids,
****, talking of kids, what if he leaves us, what if he finds a perfect lady and think all that we have, the family, is all a mistake?
What if I confront him someday and he decides that its over for us, what if he raises his hands on me,
Will I take all that?
Am I really ready for this man, for this new phase for me?

The ring is already on my finger,
Now I'm not just the girl they used to know,
I already have his second name,
He owns me now,
There's nothing like looking back, escaping this,
I've owned up to it,
So maybe, just maybe, I should shun these thoughts away,
And be happy, or that's what I think,
Let me laugh, smile, love while it lasts,
Cause the future is uncertain, not even my insticts can define it or predict what will happen,
So I'm looking back at this man, I smile,
My heart praying and hoping, this is the best decision I've ever made!

©tiana💞...

I am not a Cinderella
I don't need a ball gown or glass slippers

I am not Jasmine
I don't need a magic lamp or flying carpet

I am not Ariel
I don't have a fish tail

I am not Tiana
I don't need to kiss a frog

I am not Snow White
I don't need dwarves or poisoned Apple's

I still want that romance though
I want my prince charming, my Flynn Rider, my Eric
I want love..

I am a girl, a woman
I need someone to look at me with that look
I long for someone to hold me close
I want someone who will love me, for me.

That is what I am..
What I need.

You were a fresh breath of sunshine
To subside the clouds and fog
Cluttering up another day in my mind
The careful charisma
Carried by your charming smile
Very well may have saved my life
I'd like to take time to properly thank you

Offering my small words as tribute
In exchange for the large favor
You aren't even aware you've given me
I can assure that it's there
It's in the air of your inquisitive nature
That caught me by surprise
As I casually discussed my dreams
Because they've already died
You stood there beaming
Leaving me to question your intentions
As is my modus operandi

And yet you pressed on singing along
While I grew anxious of how long
I'd been standing in line
I studied your face for a hint or a trace
Of some ulterior motive or priority
Pertaining to the duties of a service soul
Yet there was nothing to find

No designs or crafts aft of the smile
Behind your eyes
As you took my hand and said goodbye
That you were happy to meet me
Hoping to greet me again next time
I decided then and there a firm resolve
To not let my mind spoil or absolve
The innocent felicity
Or serendipity of simply meeting you
with love.
Tiana-Kai

✨WAR OF HEARTS

At chasm,
Far deep abyss of despair,
Soaked gloomy atmosphere,
In a vague sparkle,
Arrested were my eyes to see,
My numb feelings jolted,
Salvation without sanatory,
I felt a new being resurrect,
Couldn't hold my feelings anymore,
Submissive,
I wasn't in control.

I was flummoxed,
Something I couldn't explain in fistful words,
Something hadn't felt for long,
Something my heart had long lost tune to,
Nearer I drew stuck,
Pootled in with mixed feelings.

With a gaze of his eyes,
I saw him,
Charismatic inclination,
I could no longer fight my thoughts,
A nightmare all was like alike,
A place of no return in flames,
In his world, I buried my thoughts,
In an ocean of love, lost I was.

Love at first sight the moment,
but wished to be a forever sight,
For in the stars in his eyes,
Was the forever in my heart,

My eyes craved his to see,
My heart wished to rewrite what I thought was lost,
My mind desired to rescript new memories,
To see the beauty in his soul,
Stretching out deep into him,
Dancing in our love,

In his cologne,
He became my body best scent,
Everyday, wishing he'd touch me more and more,
Dining in the thoughts of,
the grab that  I would give him when he is digging deep into me to satisfaction,

An overdose of him I took,
An obsession in my addiction,
That derived me numb,

He was the star that shone among the moons,
A star that had come to recollect my heart's broken pieces together,
To recolor my planet with colors of hope,
To refill it with diamonds where nothing fitted in,

But, the more I fell for him,
the more we drifted apart,
The more it hit me,
we were of two different World's,
Flowing in a whirl of perplexed events,

War of hearts, 
Clashes of cerebrations,
Fight between reality and delusion,
Conflict between heart's feelings and mind's instincts.

Reflection of his face,
Oceans and skies,
Space between fate and destiny,
Fantastical design,
Delusional exception,
Deception world of thoughts,
Dinning imagination,
Mental pictures,
confined behind my desires and wishes.

#brokensouls

©tiana..❣ ft. Abdu_l💎

I know a place where happy ending always do come true.
Narnia? I don't think so,
Hogwarts? my answer is still no,
Disney land? I love to say no.

I'm not Snow White,
that if I eat a poison apple you will come and kiss me.
I'm not Cinderella,
that if I left my slipper you'll search to find me.

I'm not Aurora,
that if I pricked my finger in a spinning wheel you'll give me a true love's kiss.
I'm not Ariel,
that if you found out about me being a mermaid you'll accept me with my fins.

I'm not Belle,
even if I'm the most beautiful in town you're still not my Beast.
I'm not Jasmin,
even if you have the lamp I'm still not the one who you want to wish.

I'm not Pocahontas,
it will be hard for me to paint the color of the wind.
I'm not Mulan,
it will take me hundreds of year to follow my own heart beat.

I'm not Tiana,
but I know my dreams will not be completed without you.
I'm not Rapunzel,
but if I can I will treat your broken heart so you can love again.

I'm not Merida,
I can't shoot any arrows but you came straight to my heart.
I'm not Anna,
I can't travel in a cold just like her but I can endure the coldness living in your part.

I'm not Elsa,
I don't have any super powers but I have a fear, a fear that you will leave me.
I'm not Moana,
I don't think that the ocean will choose me but I decided to chose you.

I'm not a Disney Princess,
but I want to live in Disney land.
I'm not as good as they are,
but I still want to stay for a while.

I'm a lost girl from wonderland,
I'm a lost girl who wants to live in disney land,
I'm a lost girl who loves to be a princess,
I'm a lost girl who chose you to be my prince but you disagree.

I'm not a princess,
you're not my prince.
without having our once upon a time,
I got my own first tragic smile.

✨YOUNG LOVE

Your tears are my weakness,
I'll never wanna see you cry,
I'll always try my best to make you happy ,
To see that beautiful smile displayed on your face.

Calling you a princess is an understatement ,
Coz you run my empire,
You the reflection of real beauty ,
You the only flower I'd always want to **** nectar from,
I wanna age to see you bloom to fruitful success.
I want to blindly follow that sweet scent all the way.

You twinkle like a star,
You blaze like fire,
You illuminate light way through my heart,
You give me meaning,
And a title that is unbeatable,
It never hit me that one day I'll afford gold,
For your worth is equally the same.

Be my lioness,
In our jungle, we rule,
That whenever my strength fails,we gonna use yours,
That when my pride fades away,you gonna be by my side and not on the other side
That when my mane has no signifance,our young love still gonna glow,
That when my claws wear out,you still gonna see me as your strength,your one,your love.
That when i make mistakes or go astray,it'll never be too late to apologize.
Let me die every minute fighting for what is mine.

Be my reason to everything,
Let not an ocean separate us,
Let not a mountain discourage you from climbing,
Let not this fire consume all the moments we've shared together.
Let not distance **** our love,
Let not petty arguments dismantle us.
Instead,let nature be the definition of building us and not tearing us apart.

Promise me you'll play your part,
You'll fight for our love,
You'll always smile for me,
You'll forever be my eyes and bring out the best in me.
Let our young love forever glow...

#Lover_boy

©tiana...❤

I don’t believe in right person wrong time,
But I think with enough time we would’ve been just right.

I think, if there was more time to say more than simple “Hi’s,”
Goodbye would’ve been less painful.
And moving forward would’ve been easier than its current struggle.

There wouldn’t have been a “what could have been?”
And you wouldn’t be the ghost of senior past that haunts me like a bittersweet memory.
You would be you,
I would be me,
And we, would’ve possibly been a oui.

Delusional as it is to think that greetings would turn into romance,
I believe that had time been on my side, we would be just right,
Like puzzle pieces,
We’d be, Peter and Mj,
Tiana and Naveen
Me and you.

You make me believe in right person wrong time,
That if stars and planets aligned just right,
We could’ve been a story for the books,
That maybe, in some novel, our author does not yet want to introduce the story of us, and in due time, our prologue will end and our first chapter will begin.

That maybe, we need more character development before the age of us is to come,
That we are right.
In every timeline we are right.
It is written in the stars and set in stone that we are for each other,
But the time must be just as right as we are.

I don’t believe in right person wrong time,
But for us, I think that in time, we will be just right.

✨WHAT IF ...

What if they all behind this?
What if those I call saviors, are the terminators?
What if they know nothing about being loyal but betrayal?
What if they are just making a fool out of me?
What if by telling them my thoughts, I'm helping in their new plans?
What if they all just devil incarnates,
Wearing masks of Angel?
What if they are playing too cool but deep inside with burning thoughts of seeing me crashed?
What if I'm their own game?
What if things that are excruciating to me are exhilarating to them?

What if the events running in my mind are the perfect definition of insanity?
What if this state I'm in, is an excursion to my fate?
What if I'm just a broken record on replay?
What if with this dark poetry is the only way I can rhyme?
What if it's my best method to spit the taming lines?
Or what if I'm just throwing a hissy fit where not needed?
What if I'm just thinking too much?
What if all these are just delusions?...

©tiana... 💔

The healing process is long but worth it
As the 7th month is making its arrival I can't help but feel this incredible weight lifted off my shoulders
a weight I never thought would come off
I'll admit I was scared that I would NEVER get over that girl but suddenly my life is coming all together and happiness is seeking into my soul again
I'm loving the person I'm becoming and liking all the new people I've met and I seriously can't thank my circle of support enough, without them I don't know how I would have crawled out of that dark hole
Each person means a little something different but all giving me that same amount of love
Tiana - This girl I've cried and laughed with. She's told me things that I will never forget and she's been real. I seriously thank god for bringing her into my life. She's so amazing and doesn't even know it. We speak each others language and know what its like being a strong willed person coming from a mess. When she tells me she's proud of me I know it.
Katie - I was so broken when we met and she knew it. She checked on me days later and then I just knew that this girl is someone who I need in my life.
Sierra - Me and this girl are going through it together both hurt but both growing into these amazing women who will support each other forever. There had been nights that I wanted to die but I could just text her and just talking about it made it all better. This girl is special and I can't wait to see what amazing adventures life takes us on.
Emma - Emma is my life saver, first one to the scene and the first one to pick me up off the floor and to tell me that I was going to be okay. I didn't believe it then but I finally do. This girl and I have a long relationship and I know that whenever we go whatever we do we'll always be in each others hearts and minds.
Kai - I have never met a single person that has made me feel seen and appreciated more than her. She cried with me as a sobbed over a girl who I am way to good for. She has the kindest heart because she not only cried with me once but many times. I alway knew that she would be one to stay but now I know we will always be there for each other away.
Cailyn - this girl, weirdest meeting but a connection that is out of this world. We just get each other and this girl has helped me realized that absolutely nothing is wrong with me and that I am a badass ***** that deserve the world.
Athena - I literally told this girl my plans to marry that girl days before we broke up and she was really happy for me then but then when I texted her she had nothing but love and support for me. We've always been like this, always there for each other no matter what. No number of miles between us can stop the love we share.
Julie - this lady! She always is so optimistic for the future and so positive about life and always there to party, or talk, or both! I'm so happy she's in my life and I know she's here for good.
Sherrie - They say god made us cousins because our parents couldn't handle us as siblings and honestly I've felt more like a sister to this lady than I have ever felt with my brothers. She is always there and always has the best advice. I'm so lucky to have her in my life.
Annie - usually when you lose your first love your mom is your go to but when you have a mom like mine you don't share much, luckily my mom has an old friend who's been a lifeline to me. She kind of fills my mom void and makes everything okay after I talk to her. We have this strange connection that she knows when I need to talk. States away but something that connects us. Always reminding me that I'm special and amazing and never forgetting to tell me how proud she of me. She just gets it.

Honestly, I'm scared that I won't be able to say something you haven't heard before. I'm infatuated with everything about you, everything that is you. I remember first meeting you and constantly reminding you how much I didn't want a relationship and ironically I ended up with you. You made things so much better, I promise you. I've never really experienced the kinda happy I used to with you. It was an awkward kinda happy but it was something about it I craved and still crave. You're the best thing to ever happen to me tbh and recently I've been undeserving of you. I want you to be my babygirl again :( I miss the affection I used to get from you. I'm willing to go beyond the edge for your happiness. You're a goddess to me and although you're very pessimistic I want to show you otherwise. I want to show you a new perspective.  I want to show you that love can lasts forever and that people can be together without there being cheating and other unnecessary trash. I want to give you all of me and give you the love you crave, need, deserve, and always talk about. I miss you feeling secured and I want to rejuvenate the feeling tbh...I know I can do all of this. I'd do it all for you, I'd try and I know I'd succeed. I just need you to stay here and work with me and hear me out sometimes. I want to spoil you but I want to remain in a balanced relationship, not one where you're mostly in control of things. I love you  Tiana.

Good evening everyone!
It is a pleasure meeting all of you,
I am a Mala
if you couldn't already tell.
A name everybody else chose for me,
as if I didn't have one already.
My name is Joffrey, by the way :)
And if you don't know what a mala is,
it is short for Malaia.
A curse.
Like something out of a fairytale.
Like how Tiana was turned into a frog.
Like when Sleeping Beauty pricked her finger on her 16th birthday,
or when Snow White bit the poisoned apple
and they both fell into a deep slumber.
Only to have their curse lifted by a kiss from a handsome prince.
And I've had plenty of those ;)
So how long does my curse last?
Do I need to keep kissing more guys or
Have I just not found the right one?
But I'm not the only one you see
there is a community of us Malas,
So many cursed girls.
And they are just like the Princesses out of Disney,
Some are as honorable as Mulan,
Some are as beautiful as Cinderella,
but most of them look like Ursula XD
Me? I like to think I look like Hercules
A big strong man looking for a bigger, stronger man
Yet we're all so very beautiful,
and nonetheless cursed.
By our own people.
The people we serve and love.
The people who promise us unconditional love
But forget to mention the terms and conditions
in fine print at the bottom,
Whose print gets bolder and
Conditions become enforced when
We don't serve and love well enough,
Or by whatever fault we make
despite our very best efforts to find and keep love.
But I'd like to extend my love out to them,
My Princesses who always bring the boys to the yard
Who also have to clean the yard when the boys leave...
It's a weird thing to be reduced to just your sexuality everyday,
but I love the attention I get
Especially from all the prince charmings
Who kiss me but fail to break my curse
Yet I've never felt cursed
I love who I love, I love WHAT I love
And if it is a curse to you then you sound like the Evil Queen who gave Snow White the apple.
"Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"
Not you.
You haven't been very fair at all.
You've been so unfair
The mirror might crack and burn.
But until next time, everyone
Let's hope that the next boy I kiss will break this lifelong curse,
Even if it might take a lifetime to dispel