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Lisa Ann Rakow Jan 2014
I'm proud of who I am
I'm not afraid to show the world who I am
There's nothing wrong with my sexuality
I talk about it,
But I don't show it...
Don't call me a ***** just because you're the one who is insecure.
Don't attack me because I'm an open book...
I don't like secrets.
That's why I talk to people about life.
There's no need to attack me.
So knock it off.
Lisa Ann Rakow Jan 2014
Oh snap...
We're losing!
HOW can we be losing?!
I'M on the team,
So we're guaranteed to win!
There's no excuse for this madness...
The only plausible explanation for this,
Is the team.
YOU are the ones who are terrible!
I'm a winner,
Put on a team of losers!
What on earth is this about?
I deserve better!
I could win without you guys.
See ya later, losers!
I'm off to win it ALL.

Maybe not...
Lisa Ann Rakow Jan 2014
I lost the pounds.
I dyed my hair blonde.
I joined the volleyball team.
I stopped wasting my time at church.
I gave away my virginity to the first guy who asked for it.
I dropped all of my AP classes.
I created a Facebook account.
I started wearing different clothes.
I swapped out my lame friends for a new set of popular and pretty friends.

Do I feel better?
Of course I do!
Sort of...
I mean,
Yeah, I lost my college scholarships.
Yeah, I hate my new friends.
Yeah, I'm not going to graduate on time.
Yeah, I'm stuck with a kid that I'm not ready for.
Yeah, I have to live on the streets.
Yeah, I hate my job.
Yeah, I've lost everything that's dear to me,


I should be happy, right?
People said that I needed to change,
So that's what I did.
I was sick of hearing that I could be better...
Sick of hearing that I was too innocent for life.
I took matters into my own hands.

I gave in.
Lisa Ann Rakow Dec 2013
I waited for too long...
I watched the papers pile up all around me.
Day after day,
I basked in the wonder known as nothing.
Now I must do it all.
Do it all,
And accept the consequences.
Why did I wait so long to get started?
Because that television program was providing me with fabulous and life-changing opportunities?
Because that computer game was going to educate me until my brain became scrambled?
Because that bag of potato chips was helping me live my life to the fullest?
Those were some great choices...
Lisa Ann Rakow Oct 2013
Time goes by,
And I get even more drunk.
When I don't have a bottle or flask in my hand,
I crave the alcohol.
I want the alcohol.
My addiction is free in terms of money.
But in terms of life,
I'm being ******* over...
My grades start to slip.
My friends and family notice that there's something not right about me.
I lie through my teeth.
I'm fine...
You're just being paranoid!
Everything is okay, I'm just having trouble with focusing...

Home alone,
Empty bottle in my hand.
4 empty bottles on the floor beside me.
I come to.
I ***** for an hour.
My head is pounding immensely...
Nothing feels right anymore.
I realize that I feel worse than before.
No matter how many bottles I empty,
It just doesn't make me feel better anymore.

Late at night,
Everyone is asleep.
I creep outside,
With a bag full of empty bottles.
I trek out past the house,
And head to the junkyard about a mile away.
All of my bottles scatter on the ground.
One by one,
I pound them with a baseball bat.
My anger pushes the bat to break each bottle.
Before I can finish though,
I fall to my knees.
Dear God,
What have I done?
I have gotten myself into nothing but trouble.
I need your help,
O Lord.
I can't do this by myself.
I don't want any more bottles.
Help me and guide me, O Lord...

I stand before you today a changed person.
A person who wants to change the world,
Because she has already changed herself.
Never again will I touch another bottle.
I won't touch another bottle because I don't need to.
I'm better than that.
I can make it in this world.
Times will be rough,
But I can make it.
One day at a time.
Sober all the while...
Lisa Ann Rakow Oct 2013
It totally ****** me up.
Not only life,
Boyfriends, and
But alcohol.
For the longest time,
I refused to admit that I had a problem.
Life for me just...
I felt alone.
Nobody was my friend.
I had seen too much death.
I watched them get arrested.
Problems became worse.
I was left for dead.
What other choice did I have?
I couldn't just commit suicide.
I'm too good for that...
I don't like blood.
Especially not mine!
Too expensive.
I don't want to fry my brain!
I'm too smart for that!
No, I...
Why not?
Why not drink?
I can get my hands on some for free...
Why not?

Bottle number 1.
I tingle.
I lose sense of reality.
I don't remember anything.
It tastes so awful.

Bottle number 2.
I can't feel anything.
Reality and life continue to slip away.
My memory weakens even further!
It's starting to taste better.

Bottle number 3.
Holy crap...
My vision blurs,
And my language slurs.
I'm where I want to be...

One day goes by.
I kind of want another bottle...
Two days go by.
I'm kind of thirsty...
Got any alcohol?
Just a drop will do...
One week.
One month.
I can't stand it anymore.
Where's the bottle?
Lisa Ann Rakow Sep 2013
He irritates me.
Bothers me,
Annoys me,
Angers me,
Talks down to me at times,
But I still love him!
There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think of him.
Not in the romantic, gushy way,
But rather in a best friend way.
He's sort of the older brother that I've always wanted,
But was never blessed with.

I never know how to act around Lesnau...
Will I say something to offend him?
Or maybe he'll think of me differently.
It's odd,
Because he doesn't know much about me.
I usually let my teachers get to know me,
And I get to know them.
But that's not how it is with Lesnau.
I want to know him better.
Believe me,
I do.
But Lesnau is somewhat of a closed book...
He only lets us in on certain things.
But why
Why be so secretive?
C'mon Lesnau...
Lemme in!
Because I'm knockin' at your door!
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