He's the memory she wants to forget.
A Summer Fling;
The one that still makes her wonder.
She opens her eyes this morning,
It's been awhile since She thinks about him.
In her dreams last night, everything looks so vivid.
Everything looks so real.
Are dreams made of what we want to happen?
Or is it just don’t actually mean anything?
She promised to stop thinking & talking about Him.
Let her break her promise just for today.
He looks so handsome in her dream.
He smiled at her. and she smiled back, awkwardly.
He drove her home & they talked about many things
Things that she cannot remember when she woke up.
He drove her home & smiled.*
Thing that is never happened in the real life.
If she insists that she didn't love him before,
then why is she still wondering?
She talks to you a billion times,
just to make you understand.
She is for sure super complicated
& She herself is as confused as you are.
She's a mess.
But she wants you to know that no matter how crazy she is,
she knows what she wants.
She tries to talk to you.
First with a smile in her face..
Patiently explains to you.
& when everything happened again,
she repeatedly explains.
Finally she's sick with it. & explains to you in anger.
But still, you don't get it.
Communications between two lovers is the most important thing in the relationship, they said.
Maybe this time she'll let her tears to speak,
hopefully you'll understand better.
Both are speaking in two different language.
Nothing really connects.
Both cannot put themselves in each other's shoe.
It has no rendezvous.
then, what for?
Life taught me hard,
To love myself more,
To stand alone,
& To be enough with myself.
I learn to take care of myself,
Even if the world is against me.
I learn to enjoy myself more than I am with people.
I learn to prioritize my insanity than anything in the world, just because I deserve to be the priority of myself.
I am the one that all I’ve got.
All I have is myself.
& That should be enough.
I've been swallowing the bitterness & *******,
what could be more bitter?
My heart has been broken multiple times,
what could be more painful than that?
I've been tricked on,
It is life.
One thing people should remember,
at the end of the day, all you got is yourself,
No one should & no one would ever help you.
2019 almost come to an end.
I start off with some things that are new in my life;
a boyfriend, a new business & a partner.
& also I realised things that I forgot these past few years.
to not take things for granted & be more grateful,
to cherish & finally read some books,
oh, and to write.*
& I want to end this year well.
I have a letter for my 25-year old me that I wrote 5 years ago;
& surely I will updated it next year,
I will talk to 19-year old me; update her with my life.
Well, I got 7 months to do some heroic stuffs so she won't that disappointed with 25 year old version of herself.
Time do flies.
& sometimes I don't know how I got here.
I don't know how I finally can overcome my problems back then.
2019 is a much better year.
but yet, I haven't get used to this adult life.
I ramble for no reason & I got no point.
I just updating about how 2019 treated me.
I'm still hanging, guys.
We have been really caught up in the World these days.
All we’ve been watch or read or think about are all about terrors;
We let our mind busy,
We let ourselves think & worry too much.
We often forget that we need to feed our mind to keep it sane.
We deserve to get our time alone,
To just breath, to just contemplate about life.
To seize the day.
To be grateful.