Today (a rather brisk, chilly,
and otherwise sat
tiss factory twirly delightful
December 18th, 2018) matte
her of fact quite
refreshing noontime, while this fat

tend plot of Earthen surveyed terrain
situated over ****
herd modest suburban tract,
(actually yours truly some watt
urbanely sprawled out) at

Latitude: 40.2538 Longitude: 75.4590,
where I sit pat
and think to write
about some reading material flat
touring my "FAKE" status
as king of agitprop for chat

hurrying class gussied up with
artistically crafted rat
tilly done up snazzy
(approved by Willard), this expat
lapsed Peterson harried tailored script,
asper previous peculiar

swiftly styled idée fixe
literary unnecessary, rat
tickly ****** superfluity)
interspersed with dollops of splat
hard logophile, nonetheless gentle
on the eyes, yet feeling totally flat

and devoid of meaning, and quite
convincingly desperate idea this pratt
tilling far amore in the dell doth
expatiate, expound expressively, gnat
cheerily witty, (i.e. hint- please
pretend these humph fat

tickle lee meandering, rambling,
and warbling words) taxing
on mental faculty as bat
tan gruelling death march
physically, when circa
April 1942 Japanese forced

76,000 captured Filipinos,
and Americans Allied
soldiers to march about 80 miles across
Bataan Peninsula (province
in Philippines), where they died
enroute to...during World War II

on island of Luzon, espied
as a spiritual sanctuary hosted
by a knowledgeable tour guide
named Matthew Scott hood dons
genuine (musty smelling)
Tory wig to hide

as an alien alias (from the outer limits
of the twilight zone) incognito
even to himself, and especially the bride
of Frankenstein, who evinces a strong crush
toward said nondescript gentrified
vested gentry groundless thinker with pride

though, dirt poor (at least on the surface),
but deep down rich with
Schwenksville well watered
history harkening back to 1684,
when hoodwinked, jilted and lied

Lenni-Lenape Indians got fleeced
then taken for a ride
this land ceded to (stolen from) William Penn
nestled along the Perkiomen Creek.

Yo...over here in Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
all the other ones (that follow below)...
them guys imposters I write – every ƒµ©** one.

Curiosity and discretion
got the better part of me valor
as mined fingers typed Matthew Scott Harris
(quite some time, but I felt compelled
to share today March 13th, 2020)

into google search bar, lo and behold and
much to my chagrin and amusement,
others with mine namesake constituted
roles in various walks of life
carrying out their whiles and ways, sans
existence covered the realm

from administration of President
Dwight David Eisenhower
the celebrity circuit, where his
claim to fame and fortune
as movie Producer

(born in Jacksonville, Illinois)
for silver screen cinematic
debut enterprise finished
regal Dimension far
off beaten track sans degree

(from University of Illinois)
in Civil Engineering. After practicing
as an engineer for several years,
a decision made to open a restaurant
in Chicago with nary a har
binge er - After operating
popular eatery for more than ten years,

a whim directed destiny
viz hit time to make movies
curved renown skyrocketed quest
analogous to aligning skill sets
into stratospheric isobar
which exertion pitched
head stone carvers to acquire vital context

where next of kin content
with obituary hiz death
unexpectedly Tuesday morning,
Feb. 24, 2015 of Loudonville),
tomb epitaph incorporated passion
as avid outdoorsman,
who loved fishing, hunting
and canoeing. I aced as supervisor with

telecommunication company,
Telecom Towers Inc.
yet by some stroke
of premature pronouncement,
whence during funeral
the coffin lid rose a jar
scaring the st out the

backsides per mourners,
where demise found sights
drawn to undertake
a totally tubular career
as graphic artist from Buffalo
(Educated at RPI), who
constantly looks for work

today and tomorrow,
out of necessity to pay bills,
and as prodigy with numbers
attained plaudits as

financial solvency ****, and par
for the course irresistibly
tempted forging credentials -
with self crafted faux pas star

re: expert as a fraudulent
Loan Officer NMLS # 240801
but Youngblood’s hired fretful
dexterous dude for extra cash tip play *** tar,

while police got tips from
wagging tail, and unfortunately
butter field bursar ruse
landed rising star into clinker
sans Cook County Inmate at age 49

CB NUMBER 19043182,
when arrest occurred Tuesday,
January 13, 2015 11:53 AM,
and released the next day due to first        
time misdemeanor plus absent
recidivist incarceration possession
of 5000+ grams of Cannabis,

which exposure to magical, miracle
and mystical herb set sites
to become a professor
Clinician of pharmacology
“bushed” to help fight
the so call forever "drug war".

bohemian rhapsody parades
     amidst greensward moored
erupting profusely toward cerulean skies
     ushered with invisible rip cord
this Earthling self assigned to an (elder)
     box office catbird seat - hoard
ding a secluded nook
     upon premises of Highland (highly adored)

Manor Apartments nestled
     within bucolic (cost wise, a ford
double) Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
     (40.2562° N, 75.4638° W) explored,
sans (founded in 1684) 
     pleasantly assaultive stimuli 
     conducted brake upon metaphysical ratiocination,
     where sunshine poured
upon variegated mother nature

     arrangement, viz spectacular
     vernal suite scored
a top ten hit orchestrating
     exquisite (August) May day presentation,
     which mutely roared
bedazzling this sensate
     being overwriting gourd
     fully stocked, when brittle

     winter snowy firmament forced accord,
     asper overlaying habitat
     palimpsest akin to (sic) ward
before an a may zing exuberant poly

     chromatic onset splashed vibrant
     brilliantly colored palette, toward
this captive observer,
     where choral symphony courtesy of flora
and fauna sensational

     encore performance
     (day at the) opera captivated ensured
fixated this tethered primate royally
     impressed and allured
by aural and visual

     regalia fit for a lord
and tailor, while solar orbitz
     directed by Helios,
whose journey across
     deep purple celestial sea deplored
noiselessly casting lengthened shadows
signaling luminous hued dusk
     chariots of fire earthly dome ceiling ablaze
     pearl jam disappearance,
     when daylight blinks adieu

til the morrow, when dawn
     betakes the reins to reign cosmos chose
zing emergent rays announcing
     morning haz broken
     nudging, prodding, rousing from doze
well rested body electric,
     where energy flows
as attested from me noggin glows
nsync, sans panoply
     of soundgarden crescendo propose
zing ideal material sharing circadian rhythm
     thru the time stream yours truly rows.

GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT QUEST

Pixar could nada pay enough
   for this trainer of apple chomping antz
so I wonder if any chance
   hello Morris the tender vittles

commercial kitty cat whisker of employment
thru contrived virtual toy story
   qua ratatouille poetic brew
could materialize into a likely chance

such outcome would generate me
   to shrek out with excitement and dance
just in case a glimmer of some prospect exists
   for this self anointed bard,

   who dislikes formality
   of Schwenksville, Pennsylvania,
   now presents technical skills,
   I wooly cotton to enhance

this chap offers poetic expression
   common in differ france
     so take a glance
to help this intuitive **** sapiens
   sharp pen mental acuity like lance

which byte size bit torrent humor
   might cause ye to soil pants
after misinterpreting mishmash
   as raven shrieking twittering rants

even part time income would buoy positive stance
subtle intent to place me as worth hiring,
   with mop pa trick sway zee
   au currant electronic charge hypnotic trance
in consideration to ad-vance.

I betcha never read a pseudo cover letter reply
   like this iambic pentameter electronic wire
from a boyish looking blood muggle father up in years
   (whose nonpareil courage

   to face Voldemort never does tire)
deux darling northern belles,
   would consider him a worthy hire
less to rake in gobs of money,

   but to satiate unquenchable hunger and thirst
   for further bits of computer
   know how to acquire
in tandem aim to present the write stuff.

This faux pas whey to ripple eye conveys an itty bitty
     raw bit size actual work experience
(from this chap, who lives (Kenye bull heave
   ~ 40 miles north
   west of the Philadelphia city) via dashing car
nonetheless, i hanker (NOT to be confused with HACKER

though offset by merely one different third letter)
   prompts the following ditty
per computer trouble (making)
   and shooting abilities

   some may ascribe as nitty gritty
on par with the secret life of Walter Mitty
whom destiny protected and took pity
meant to be silly, yet also attempt to be witty.

No matter how many miles by car
(your company might be
   within dead man walking distance)
   this opportunity would not be considered to far
hoops responding in rhyme
   being considered nada mar

gin hilly atypical to use ecumenical interest
   and technologically spar
using graphical user interface programs
   to get unstuck from virtual feathery tar.

Iambic pentameter might not constitute
   traditional genre for a debtor
no reason why my non-establishmentarianism
     cannot serve as me own mode to communicate pursuit
     as computer repair technician go getter,
which honest to goodness confession
   hopefully affects responsiveness a bit better.

This pure breed mud half blood muggle prince
bona fide seeker for challenging income
   does reckon poetic way
not necessarily follows formalities
   to reply most would readily say

why adhere to conformity,
   whereby paradigm frowns on creative hoo ray
which atypical modus operandi
   viz positive reply and job i pray
even if interest turns out to be nay
mien hometown nada abbott may
cost 'hello far west where Philadelphia lay.

The resume (quite slim as jail grub gruel –
an extended hiatus taken
   for medical reasons) shows dearth,
yet versed inducing byte size mirth
of requisite technical expertise,
   i do possess attributes well worth.

If you might allow me to boast
and blithely use rhyme without reason to coast
given cents and sense ability opportunity to eradicate
Re: exorcise any binary elusive ghost
and offer bytes of helpful information from pc host
with brio and confidence, i respond to your post.

Without further ado, i will slightly brag
to tell of ability to conduct understand dos
manage common system utilities (non passe)
   such as scan disk and defrag

installed, resolved dsl issues, performed
scan-disk and troubleshooting glitches
   such as removal of dos files, installation
and/or removal of hardware

   likewise uninstalling software,
   running registry sweeps
   in an attempt to remove bugs and errors
   mice, or roaches, that cause machine
   to cough and gag

invariably impede processes
   as downloading, sending, uploading, et cetera to lag
and if chance smiles on further consideration
like a happy pup his tail will wag.

Oh...and by the way i would accept a starting
negotiable/competitive salary as starting wage
to support this self proclaimed sage
whose role can double up
   as court jester, joker, or page

hopeful this poetic synopsis
   offers favorable gauge
in tandem enriching fount of know
   ledge valuable at any advancing age.

Y'all might think this reply balderdash and rot
which may matter Bo diddly squat
no matter i herald from royalty
   with salient strengths being prestigious Scott
butta masta Harris

Does not smoke ***** nor drink from a chamber ***
a student of the establishment he is not
yet ad foxy, hocks moxie by proxy, this poet doth got
might elicit salient characteristics similar to humanoid bot
and, oh by the way, I lived
   in montgomery county, penna for some years quite a lot.

prior to this day March 13th, (Friday) 2018,
     the local climate (here in Schwenksville,
     Pennsylvania) did accord
with weather more aligned

more apropos with late winter so summery spike
     of Mercury thermometers
     for those of you old enough to remember
     (Careful NOT to chomp

     on fragile slender tubular glass),
     whence silvery liquid metal would poison...
     like sting of a scorpion, anyway
     (regional forecast by meteorologists)

     attested by the outsize
     outside electronic bulletin board
(situated on the property
     of Perkiomen Valley High School)

     where space doth a ford
to envision a spectacular sight, this gourd
jess scenic tract, nonetheless registered
     over eighty degrees, and hoard

of wives, sans special treasure re: bond
     courtesy viz Mother Nature Spring time bounty
     on the verge to yield ample harvest
     to fill cornucopia horn of plenty

     Omaha lore dee Lord
ah...the picturesque setting found me eyes moored
thus temptation pitched perfect game of LIFE
     where fauna and flora sub woofing audio-
     logically roared, and this **** Sapien

felt his psyche scored
with the golden radiant sear ching,
     transcendent, transparent transient rods,
     whereat thy face turned toward

cerulean vault - a cathartic, electric,
     and fantastic panacea to ward
off lingering late winter moody blues
     as many a lan yard
flush with excited children of a lesser god.

February 28th, 1968 marked the date
Boyce Brandon Harris
(my octogenarian widower father)
purchased a small tract of land
  
constituting shadowed sliver
once hailing, hallmarking, harkening,
glorious vast "Glen Elm" estate,
which circa 1910 encompassed

a hundred plus acres of woodland
Pooh would Winnie
(including a pond frequented
by migrating Canadian Geese)
eventually zoned for commercial,
  
industrial, and residential development
(all in the name of productive land use)
particularly put into motion
courtesy Donald J. Neilson,

who transformed expansive woodland
rivaling shutterfly
sprouting like mushrooms towed stools
booming explosively

after ample precipitation
little houses on the hillside
little houses made of  ticky tacky...
popped up overnight

transforming landscape
displacing flora and fauna with vinyl city
(minus spit of property papa bought)
manicured bumped uglies with wild wisp

reduced pristine niche leftover jot haven
squawking disoriented geese instincts
thwarted, where drained wetlands
a Arcadian past suburbanization

overlaying (palimpsest like) rural setting
trademark bucolic print Currier And Ives  
stock in trade signature prints
landscape sparse human population
  
country aire sprinkled with family farms
fresh dairy, produce, vegetables
butchered animals free ranging
without synthetic injections

nostalgia faintly recreated here
Highland Manor Apartments
Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
a slip of country revered

against a Paul Ling urbanization
nothing appears familiar
retracing roadways now major highways
frequent moments breeds alienation
familiar ground confusing, frightening, and perplexing.

would what that be junior? senior? sophomore?

since this brother in law rarely emails,
     ye may scrunch countenance puzzled,
     or on verge of emitting flatulence,
     that if a ripper got let loose (by Jack),

     would possibly find ja propelled,
     thru Edgar Allan Poe's churchly
     sepulchral tintinnabulation
     (where for greater effect

     yukon envision imagistic ravenous bats
     in belfry resonating air,
or perhaps blasted back
     to the House of the rising sun),

     BUT...gnome hatter,
     no win tent may starkly appear
explaining inexplicable reasonable rhyme,
     why aye dash communique

    minus virtual trumpeting blare
(sorry, but in the interest
     of belated birthday cheer,
without computer generated imagery)

     rendered hoop fully readable,
     sans black and white Scottish matted pixels
constituting beloved appellation
     unsure how to address ye perfectly clear

while sitting atop padded office chair,
pondering as already writ,
     how to acknowledge thee, whither with dear...
meanwhile, this scribe experiences

     comfortably numb derriere,
now scrambling, resorting, and toying
     to fetch acceptable, catchy light hearted endear
mint, that seems tolerably acceptable

     (of course) with flair
acutely perceptive, though NOT overboard with glare
ring obeisance, NOR USE ALL CAPS
     TO SCREAM so ye kin hear  

soap hull ease excuse this incurable
     Harris scribe with thinning heir
yes...oye gevalt, infantile regression finds me
     burrowed in Schwenksville, Pennsylvania lair

still emotionally inchoate, though grown a mere
speck within the flotsam and jetsam near
to boyhood Collegeville abode NOT saved by a prayer
re: home companion bachelor Norwegian farmer

replaced instead by vinyl city
     all in the name of progress
which (once a pawn a time)
     open farmland did dis app pear

so...a gam bulling gambit
     to avoid moseying down Level Road...
may NOT seem queer
for insufferable sadness

     with eyes bursting with many a tear...
(gulp) tis best to veer
away from topic uh viz er rated razed homestead,
     and mainly wish ye another birth year!

adieu...from math tha hue

I imagine little house on the prairie
(bordering Lake Woebegone),
a place to hang cloak
most bucolic, edenic, idyllic...
apropos place for this poetic cowpoke,

who at present day trumpets
himself as token panhandler
of Perkiomen Valley, a
genteel, gentile, and gentle
Semite with friendly okie doke

demeanor easily mistaken
for dishabille and disheveled drunk,
nonetheless harmlessness, I evoke
espied by any man, woman and child
in these parts predominantly

non kosher festive folk,
(especially at Old Pool Farm
August 16, 17, 18 2019)
quick witted with zealous
wordplay, quips and/or

oy gavalt hexameter innocent joke
adroit, capable, das strict
test electrifyingly
faux gerrymandered,
incredible ventriloquist

nsync with karaoke
reaching within my
rabbinical bag of tricks
succeeding with flying colors
par excellent masterstroke

or sometimes more'n one ministroke
never abracadabra prestidigitation
to insult nor poke
fun at anybody but yours truly,
though even lampooning

self could provoke
unwittingly etiquette revoke
king welcome as town
pauper, inscrutable hobo
(phobic) figure, beggar

pummeled By George with
thoroughly good soak
king courtesy rotten tomatoes
if gibes overly saucy

subsequently shuffling off into sunset
emulating Charlie Chaplin
encountering wealthy patron
as blessed thunderstroke
before getting struck by lightning!

just moments ago, a dawning realization
     arose within this sol son begat
from ma late mother
     and octogenarian widower father,
     oh..no nothing cat

tuss strophic, boot merely the revelation,
     how fist bumping dee clocks hour hand ahead
     remembered by dat
dog gone refrain spring ahead, and fall back,

     this unemployed chap doth down play eclat
attests that his quotidian schedule minimally effected
     holed up here in Highland Manor named flat
roomy enough for thyself, the Missus,

     and buzzfeed ding fruit flies
     each approximately the size of a gnat
a minor nuisance, though tolerable
     within this appealing habitat

where minor inconvenience experienced
     by this Schwenksville, Pennsylvania resident
cuz as a recipient of social security disability
     (social anxiety) this psyche didst get rent

which fixed (unearned) income budgeted
     and predominantly costs of living money spent
hence no need to arise bright tailed and bushy eyed,
     a freedom akin to folks camped out in a tent,

which exemption immunizes
     this doodle ling middle aged
     muddle brained chap subject ranting
     early morning drivers,

     who angrily rant and vent  
thus, the tendency, piquancy, and lunacy
     to twitter (for the Yardbirds),
     and keep company with night owls, who went

a hooting for all the world wide web
     to hear, whence dawgs Bach
the exact number of hours, yer oblivious
     to the tight rigorous mortised schedule
     manned by Mister Clock,

essentially foisting on Bread Winners,
     an abstract artificial construct spurring
     madcap commuters to scurry in the rat race,
     lest tardiness could cost

     more than paycheck
     (to ap pier with permanent dock
hue ment aye shun),
     an unwonted blot add hoc
king worry about getting canned -

     i.e. on permanent furlough,
     perhaps forced into a life of crime, yet if caught...
wasting away in a jail cell
     as warden turns the lock

one redeeming factor,
     would offer opportunity to mock
management, and more pertinently
     mandate to rock
and roll to the incessant muted,
     yet devastatingly loud tick tock.

though thine wife gladly
     (and long time ago)
     verily swept passed
     her final child bearing year

this house broken husband
     genuinely hankers to father
     (yes sire re:to set sea men
     "NOT FAKE," nor NONGMO
     free and reduced)
     and longingly participate
     in parenthood again

     donning baby proof couture wear
analogous (as aye imagine dragons
   fire breathing worth tolerating),
     those who fervently veer

yearning to undergo
     *** reassignment surgery (SRS)
     with unintentional surgeon's delicate tear
aye  thru thoroughly anesthetized flesh,

     (especially genitals under going
     transformational substantial removal
     via said - bravely bite ting the bullet -
     sharp pinching shear)

contemplating, formulating, issuing
     personal specifications to cutting crew
     validating, testifying recapping re: questing
     genitals do not reappear

since significant surgery purport, some hetero
     ****** person might **** sitter queer
yet no doubt a homosexual
     and/or lesbian would ap pear

to understand completely if he/she
     didst unwittingly accidentally overhear
confidential conversation,
     yet warmly reassured the speaker,

     they did not intend to get near
enough to glean enough information
     that said transexual could reduce wardrobe
     with women and/or menswear

and this once distraught,
     distressed, and distributed
     without willingness unfairly
     fated to live stemmed,

     undoubtedly wrought from ****** misalignment,
     would post surgery
     hover off the ground and modestly
     swagger off into the sunset

     (this scenario projection strictly of mine)
anyway he/she could map out in one direction
     destiny describing,
     an upswinging trajectory linear

once future freed where gender now nsync
     with physical gonadal accouterment
unconcerned if urge arises
     to swivel derriere with flare.
-------------------------------------
matthew scott
highland manor apartments
schwenksville, pennsylvania
19473
USA

that will neither revolutionize whorled wide web,
   nor pollinate like fecund human loam
viz - it mine neurological nuances here
   within Schwenksville, Pennsylvania,

   my present home,
town pulsating with
   so called "butterfly effect" ineluctably
fluttering microscopically
   like dust motes or invisible foam

(bell leave me) metamorphosed
   mental whim, within cranial dome
(in valise case body electric)
   covered in 50 + nine slim shades
   of gray streaked brown dread fully medium
   length lockets i rarely comb,

   boot food for thought to set literary stage
before affixing my poetic missive -
   from this word wrangler,
   hoof hinds himself dumbfounded

   at **** bang of years cuz - just yesterday
   aye remembered being a boy,
   now i yam more than
   half a century since birth didst age.

without further ado
i offer literary missives enclosed
   within this body politic spooked
   me playful teenage inner child goes "boo"
fur ye to ponder and brew

of his small bread box sized lil motley crue
two daughters due
tee flapped wings, and flew the coop
whereby aye resemble offspring hybrid
   ostrich crossed with an emu,

whose deux progeny sired from personal
   super reproductive goo
swimming swiftly in
   harried styled, swiftly taylor made
   viscous tailored tulle lord hue

carrying miniature bin - laden
   genetic heritage predominantly Jew
wish with one late uncle Sam,
   who preferred to be called cra debt lou
who himself happened to be,

   a milch cow frequent moo
wing for bare naked lady gaga friend
   winnie mandy della pooh,
which induced inxs doth rue
what comprises Darwinian

   Origin of Species to be true
evolutionary biologists versus
   Bible thumping creationists claim
   with tangible proof as their view
perchance includes you
this chimp bull leaves humans
   originated from primate zoo.

NOW **** THE MOMENT TO PREPARE TO SCRUTINIZE
MY WRITTEN ATTEMPT AND HOPE MY OFFERTORY
DISTINCT FROM OTHER GALS N GUYS.

thankful to enjoy genesis of thoughts
from whence doth spring germ
of an idea, that either takes root
(exhibiting potential to live with
arms strong) when just a tender

vulnerable shoot (ephemeral as notes
issuing from a magic flute)
within fifty plus shades of gray matter
per this fifty plus year ole coot?

This need dull in haste tack
search for source that gave rise
per process to enable **** sapiens
to think doth nag horse sense
of this poet as he initially digs shallow,

yet sometimes forced to spelunk
into crawl space narrow and shallow,
or shine laser focus into a chasm
teetering on brink (hunting down

gamesome elusive dodging catlike whims)
out pace readied whorled wide net
to capture alive agile rat fink unseen
quiet as a mouse notion gives hardy fellow
(quite a chase) scurrying thru micro
cosmic burrow of Manhattan skyscrapers

at a blink, said quarry vanishes
without a trace just as quick mental cogs
and wheels generated riveting link
connecting bot sized tinker toys pinging

within cerebral cortex appearing random
as nonsequiturs conscious kinks via
distracting ability to latch onto awesome
fleeting mindspace inducing minor frustration
at lack of ability to nab (albeit painlessly)

zinc shimmering insight cognizant ability
likened to ode to Grecian urn vase frieze
depicting ever closely captured thought
process, cuz lifespan shorter than a wink
king third eye blind comfortably numb beatle browser.

cuz...well...this cerebral cortex lacks
ability to comprehend anything
   more complex than playing jacks
aware his severe cognitive ability hacks

away at such juvenile gibberish
   and most likely exacts
a prediction my intelligence
   on par with bracts

very much aware that
   without recourse to contrivances
   delineating the passage of time,
   wherever said out
   standing invisible essence
   which moments lapse just now ago

Now!
no just a moment ago Yaw
that, this or another instant
   did without so much as a wow
lapse, and lucky

   21st **** Sapiens to vow
and lay claim thee or thou
aware the amorphous ether
   one can ****** as a sow  

or any other animate or
   inanimate direct or indirect object re:
yule lie zing
   any analogy, metaphor, simile,
   et cetera a poor substitute to pre
sent every second, minute,

   hour...that doth nee
dull our attention akin
   to banshees, or comparison
   to something else
   totally tubularly off the wall lee
ving without a trace

   only prompt a feeble yet apropos je
ne sais quois, yet even then any primate a he
than (if individual couched in this free
to believe in any religion country, and cre
may shun versus burial predicated

   adherence to idea of a soul aie...aye
how write with frustration struggle to affix bye
and bye, some nebulous notion, that doth defy
tis a futile effort to codify, fortify,

identify abstract concepts, whose high
arc key eludes pinpointing a per jai
guru dev, place or thing (ha)
   even scrunching brow
   defeats and doth be lie
this one measly mortal well nigh

tuckered out on par with calculating pi
  
tangential to asking if and/or
   how i can access
   fullest potential...say to write
about with the aid of symbols

   i.e. letters to expound on an idea trite
or one that confounded mankind
   many millenniums or quite
sum indeterminate orbits 'round el sol,

   no ability within this mite
ova reproductive happenstance (yes me),
   whom ye could tell go fly a kite
for inducing confusion,

   but the nature of this har re: beast
   with a little insight
gripped, harangued, rankled,
   et cetera, thus communicates
   hello or goodnight,

which understandable
   simple words may not excite
as quotidian oft repeated philosophical
   mental challenges
   i didst expend effort to cite,

which mind exercises offers
   no exit, ouch that doth byte  
and if subjected to  a brain scan
   would blind technicians
   and set alight

frenzied uproar amidst **** Sapiens
   via intense thinking to induce blind
ness flailing at feeling trapped
   asper being teased at find
ding no beginning

   or end like a mobius strip
   analogous to space/ time continuum
   that little effort could
   blow a fuse in the mind.

adieu: from matthew scott harris
hook halls schwenksville, pennsylvania
hiz home tow win.

As par and parcel of being
    alive wire impossible aye
to maintain totally tubularly
     literarily celibate by and bye
with parochial restraint antiseptic dry
as dust poetic refrains
     asper this healthy older guy
devoid of physical whim zee

     unlike a inscrutable ******...so hi
there dear reader experienced
     by this self contrived Zen
minded nonestablishmentarian outlier,
     whose nonconformist yen
tries to steer clear of controversy,
     heresy, prurient wen
unless one happened

     to be eunuchized,
     i.e. sexless as a cold oven,
but similar to generic men
     this writerly hen  
pecked husband dully
     drumming, droning, and
     dribbling as a lix spittle
     aged chap housed within

     Schwenksville, Pennsylvania bailiwick
though far less inclined
     to whet ma lil atrophied dipstick
than some young buck
     at the peak of his ****** prowess
every now and again viz,

     aye feel a much slighter sensation
drubbing, crackling, and
     buckling mine body electric
and attempt to record
     re: font ten blue type
     boldface and/or Italic
such infrequently occurring
     fleeting Johnson magic

speculating why the
     hoo ha regarding mystic
spell binding codas,
     dogmas, and enigmas,

     an integral component naturalistic
within the calculus of life,
     when human species
     (parenthetically), naturally, inherently,
     and biologically opportunistic
akin to other organisms whose quixotic
antics allow NON GMO,

     MSG, and gluten free,
     and uncensored discussion
asper reproductive habits rhapsodic
with floral and/or faunal symphonic

emanations donning each their own
     "NON FAKE" trumpeting
spectacular humbly modest
     rubric, yet...universalistic
as being linkedin
     within the cosmic whirled wide web.

And in a pinch reluctantly talk to yours truly,
a very reformed Jew rarely attends Synagogue,
(he who cannot be named) hails from Prague
offtimes provides a wonderful monologue,
whereby his eloquence usually finds me agog.

Propinquity between scribe
of Schwenksville (Pennsylvania)
heavily shuns engaging in diatribe
loathes bombastic, egotistic,
imperialistic, narcissistic, terroristic...
zealot trumpeting art of the deal
if necessary even coaxing bribe.

I would be up to the task and not averse
to extemporize unless stage fright did curse
ambition to chat up intellectual conversation
and/or solemnly soliloquizing regarding
recent deceased driven away courtesy hearse
(yup another coronavirus/COVID-19 statistic)

despite heroic measures
exerted by selfless nurse,
whose tears trickled down flushed cheeks,
while her lips she did purse
methinks she wondered if pandemic
would get worse.

Oratorical predilections quake
these lovely bones, which at lxii ache
after lugging a load of Bananas
after me and the missus did betake
ourselves to purchase said fruit at Landis
(841 Gravel Pike, Schwenksville, PA 19473).

The main rhyming reason
for jaunt at aforementioned market
unquenchable thirst for riches to slake
aware improbable odds winning powerball
nevertheless bought two tickets,
fat and/or slim chance reality would wake
one average dirt poor Joe Biden his time.

A lofty song Enya doth sing
plying her lilting heavenly voice
titled "Marbled Halls"
for no rhyme nor reason came to mind,
perhaps momentarily fantasizing
how gobs of moolah tickle me fancy,
although the lyrics strongly in apropos
especially opening line -
I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls
With vassals and serfs at my side...

Such pipedream regarding
winning bucket loads of cash,
would make monetary woes
in an instantaneous flash
mine dentures no longer
will futilely grind and gnash,
cuz I would undergo oral surgery
and simultaneously acquire

mush sought after gumption,
where dental implants
could offer million dollar smile
mastication boring full force
while I monstrously, yet easily mash
the most unpalatable pop slop
made with tender loving care
courtesy the missus.

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors
play key role to alleviate paroxysms
debilitating bouts of anxiety and panic attacks
wracked these lovely bones
during their roaring twenties
severely impinging potential to relish
joys and sorrows present within mein kampf

vast stretches of life sabotaged
courtesy mental health challenges,
thus I acknowledge miracle of modern medicine
particularly prescription medication
(iterated within first line of this verse),
which allows, enables and provides
blessed escape illness noggin tortured.

who doth like 2 gab a boot
i yam no goth thick ****** villain frum a no vile root
boot kin zee writer iz 4 re:al - here my hand there my lil shoot.

ma gray matter nada mess
of 50 shades of gray more o less
2 impress
than sentiments for female passion i metaphorically express.

this me stir wordsmith viz Bartleby the scrivener
   wordsmith doth sit alone
   playing knick knack paddy whack
   please give this dorky, goofy,
   loopy, moody, nerdy, quirky
   n wordy proto simian artfully dodging
   the erstwhile shadowy bogeyman
   more'n a herring or sun bleached wish bone
communication skills daily he doth hone
awaiting 2 convey an auditory
   familiar voice message on the telly phone.

   i readily admit not 2 be a dusty huffing marathon man
   using me phallus as a leg like runner
hoping said golem like creature will
   (upon my stern request) stay
   nor does this generic guy participate

   in any competitive reindeer games nor sports
   type son of a gunner
who knows life doth newt always go this way
which wood prompt to snag the eye
   of one tiger esse to roar with a yay.

this self anointed beastie boy bard of schwenksville, penna lives
   just a rolling stones away
   from u2 and you know moody blue who
felt avaricious, chivalrous, efficacious,

   impetuous, spontaneous view
especially with...a gal 4
   ma doo *** motley crue
2 be earnest, frank and true

n would be ambitious 2 ply
   my cognitive, furtive, intuitive
sans this salient knight thee ma sought
   after queen kin ponder n rue
computer technical challenges

   that might bring out bovine prompting a moo
maybe absorbing symbiotically genius abilities
   from one imaginary asian figure named hu
or his identical twin brother mister ma goo.

Regarding yours truly
he experienced setback
amplified by Luddite propensity
nostalgic longing for simpler age
bring back horse and buggy
better yet find me a mancave
and/or apprise me
ideally via email
Flintstone web page modality

allowing, enabling, and providing
excellent linkedin access
whereby augmented
and/or augmented reality
telecommunication simulation
delivers, exports, and ferries lame poetaster
to small town America
a place that time forgot and

the decades cannot improve
within which dwell
strong women, good-looking men
and above average children
Wobegon place name
preserving lifestyle
exhibiting voluntary simplicity
though aforementioned fictitious locale
fires up imagination as does

a place called Willoughby
flourishing along outer limits
of twilight zone
buzzfeeding outlier zee
crème de la crème confabulist
this side of Schwenksville
hankering towards... nebulous
body, mind and spirit synchronicity

courtesy sweat of mine brow equity
acquiring alliance, cognizance, existence,
guidance, intelligence...
think **** Proenneke
alone in the wilderness survivalist
jack of all trades
I would live free,
yet nevertheless die

ill equipped to captcha victuals
and/or drink
to stave off hunger
and/or thirst respectively
one twenty first century beastie boy
heavily dependent upon
urbanization, mechanization,
industrialization, civilization
to savor creature comforts

climate controlled environment(s)
courtesy finite fossil fuel extraction
**** sapiens scourge upon planet Earth
me metaphorically on par
one more human parasite
zapping nonrenewable resources
thus desirous (yet helpless)
to forsake consumerist lifestyle

yet lack ways and means
to toil physically
to wrest good n plenti
juicy fruits of labor,
which initial premise
as iterated with poem title
dramatically off tangent, yes?

this me stir wordsmith sits alone
   playing knick knack paddy whack
   please give this dorky, goofy, loopy,
   nerdy, nippy nap noopy quirky
   and wordy proto simian dodging,

   erstwhile shadowy bogeyman
   more'n a herring or sun bleached wish bone
ambitious to experience
   auditory voice o'er telly phone.

the immediate reaction sans per
   using this reply might be to toss
   in circular file (perchance
   already bid good riddance
   with previous ******* o mine)

   such wordy response away
since mine hoop for reply per non-conformity
   chances = yar come me own nitty chest
   at least 69 oceans at bay

boot, the following bit of personal trivia
   merely meant to convey
an atypical manner from this older mwm
   with some follicles of gray,

who enjoys balmy spring time temperatures
   basking in the sun during warm
   (pine scented) months of ape purr rill
   and coveted dayz o may unless being chased
   by ferocious beast of prey,

   though, i readily admit not to be a marathon runner
hoping golem like creature will
   (upon stern request) stay,
   nor does this generic guy participate
   in competitive sports 'cept sea man of a gunner

knows life doth newt always hap pin his way
which wood prompt this tiger to go yea.
this self anointed bard of Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
   lives a rolling stones away

   from u2 and moody blue who
felt avaricious, chivalrous,
   efficacious, impetuous, spontaneous
   to be earnest, frank and stine true
value bull ambitious to ply cognitive,

furtive, intuitive skills to ponder and rue
literary challenges
   might bring out bovine prompting moo
goo pan a ply per this guy

   maybe absorbing symbiotically genius abilities
   from imaginary asian figure named hu,
or his identical twin brother mister ma goo
who joost happens
   to be exemplary anime portrait
   stick figures ma phalanges drew.

unsure if this written metier reply will bomb
or fly from an older scrivener,
who resides in perkiomen valley
   nestled analogous to hand held palm
housing this fella

if (the operative word) drafted with winning
   moost definitely cause for fait accompli
   to acquire nothing short of an hock cult following
   from alf fred meta for like qualm,

   your ordinary run of the millet harry, **** chain e
   or thumbing my nose at pained tom.
this aging boomer anglophile tends to go overboard
   with english vocabulary word

aspiring to attain apex of plaudits and praise
   as being witty n creatively superb
n pardon if i submitted a similar facsimile thereof
   sans the following blurb
which moost likely will (o perhaps already)
   goot tagged as absurd.

   i call myself the muster shake e spear
   n sigh ah bard from Spring Mount hills
stumbles along boulevard of broken dreams
   with other jack hammer sons and jills

donning penchant to feign being troubadour
   with faith nor more
   where words akin to virtual skein of twirls and trills.
sorry if my impulsiveness drain ya bob bing out of sync
with mainstream formality to establish a link,

this generally sane, sensible sober older fellow
   no matter, you might presume me
   to take one to many **** kin r drink,
boot in truth, this teetotaler
   shies against various amber liquids of the dogs
   evoke king mental green day n chooses holistic methods
   to rejoice than evoking that clink.

i matthew scott alias duyeer93@aol.com = knot a slob
   could moost certainly benefit from friendship
   with one or being part of a mob
hence this rather goofy atypical reply i lob

(while gently inhaling)
   imaginary ushered by hand carved corn cob.
anyway, this aspiring scribe/scrivener
   de jure shoe lee mastered his a, b, c's,

though during test time
   all learning seemed to freeze
oh and although the follow
   wing non-sequitur added comment

   moost likely irrelevant
   back in the day o me early boyhood,
   i passed initiation nail biting rite of passion
   tickling ivory black n white keys
while learning about human species.

Can I help you???

(visit https://www.aol.com/?ncid=
crosssellusaolc00000003 - for further details)

Courtesy rare derecho
killed four people
nearly forty eight hours ago
power outage affected more than
half a million people
in mid-Atlantic states.

Residents in Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
(the poet's hometown)
smack dab within swath.

The storms raced across
keystone and garden states
moving eastward at
over 80 mph at times.

Thus yours truly rendered incapacitated,
(albeit unable to access,
excel as word wizard)
to craft his trademark poetry.

How grateful (before being dead)
to write reasonable rhyme
galumphing within mine head
nsync with zeppelin comprised of lead.

Analogous giddy sensation
ascending stairway to heaven
or metaphorically kneading
figurative dough that doth leaven.

Great appreciation regarding
strapping size men/women,
whose hulking size rivals (or surpasses)
legendary Paul Bunyan,
who gingerly plucked fallen timbers
as outsize paws casually flicks

(think game giant size pick up sticks)
testing restored power outage easy
as ordinary size folks sticking toothpicks
into homemade apple pie
assessing readiness of just desserts
scrumptious piping hot pie à la mode.

Labor of love
meant abandoning taking shelter
'course donning protective suitable gear
'n trumpeting hallelujah
no matter motley crew
drenched with perspiration

imagining myself just
watching cutting crew
would find yours truly to swelter,
when veteran technicians
successfully troubleshot gridlocked
downed wires strewn helter skelter.

Despite Mother Nature's perilous whims,
whereby meteorologists issue stern warning
high severe winds risk taking innocent lives
hazardous falling limbs threaten to damage

property courtesy debris flying to and fro
hither and yon trapping unsuspected victims
wracking in my opinion impractical jokers,
(perhaps someone like me)
not necessarily strictly

being literally immobilized
more so figuratively
limiting basic activities
(think hermit administering his

necessary morning ablutions)
to daylight hours
additionally consuming comestibles
at frozen or room temperature.

Essentially western civilization
dependent upon flow of electrons
imposes quasi human *******,
especially when meteorological

or global warming necessitate
creature comfort of air conditioning
impossible mission to function otherwise
during hazy, hot, and humid dog days
blackout or brownout prospect ratchets up!

Altruistic August aery angelic alms
applied astounding
     abracadabra affect as Brahms
I liken to a lite lullaby,
     and aye acknowledge calms
financial short comings

     ace action activated across avast
time/space continuum concerning
rental assistance applied
     (for Abby and Matthew)

     my Geiger Counter recorded
     as significant beneficent blast
and such lucky largesse compels me
     (the mister) en compassed

with a sudden lightness of being
and completely, pleasantly, shell shocked
     (figuratively), thence imagining "ding"
****, asper the reality analogous

     to me noggin temporarily transformed,
     transfixed, transferred,
     soundless pinball sized clouds
     delivered sensational fling

when informed by Jacklyn Geiger
     (perhaps related to Johannes
     Wilhelm Geiger (1882-1945)
     invented -in part or wholly - the Geiger counter),

but no matter this irrelevant tidbit
     of inquisitive genealogy
the main purport per this poem
     predicated on pronounced provisions

providing us (the occupants
     of B44 at Highland Manor Apartments,
     Schwenksville, Pennsylvania 19473)
with a whopping reduction
     to the very pleasant tune:

one hundred and seventy dollars a month
     effective circa April first
     two thousand and eighteen,
     and if alive during World War II,

     would (since lineage
     significantly weighted with Semitism)
     envisions his life cut short,
     via burnt offerings re: crematorium,
     or vaporized victims upon a funeral pyre

     and most likely Holocaust genocide  
can Noah way be rectified,
     such a grievous tragedy
to express gratitude

     via literary modus operandi
     rather than see king
     a ghost writer to hire
and hoop fully DO NOT

     cause synapses to snap
(crackle or pop induce explosion
     within gray matter) or thinking cap
     (albeit best to Don a nonflammable brand)
     so as not to cause accidental conflagration

and hmm...and maybe...
     this skeptic can commune
      with long fostered nada greatful dead
     spirits hood suffered at least

     one very restless night,
a Jew (in name only)
     experienced a lucky strike,
which subsequently
     roused this contemplative chap -
- and pap

per Razz Zee to broadcast and commercialize  
     (albeit electronically) utmost appreciation
and additionally to pay forward
     by pursuing as compensation my platelets on tap
for handsome allotment intent to donate blood,
     a much needed needling conscience life restoring agent.

(huff fin Bach seat driver)...

Aye kin recall when both offspring
     (yay high) as a small child
and now ma deux daughters
     (fledgling young chicks
     though they be),
     flew the coop, sans answering,
     when call of the wild dialed

their biological cell
     phone rang off the hook
as post pubescence metamorphosis
     (into young adulthood),
     they gingerly did brook
arbiters as consensual nymphs
     baited verboten fruit yum zook

thus, freed as private on call designated
     papa chauffeur de jure
yet, a nostalgic feelings
     surface within mine being,

     when many occasions
    witnessed this night owl
     barely awake
     stumbling out the front door

nonetheless diligently
     donning "taxi driver" hat
now, a virtual dust collector
     replaced by near identical head gear

     capped upon me noggin monogramed
     with pet name "hubby" and/or "matt"
thy (well worn) first name,
     despite futile protestation
     simmering into *** for tat

case in point encompasses this poetic blip
     instinctually navigating
     (southeast as the counting crows fly)
     (with ma own embedded

     global positioning satellite micro chip)
from Schwenksville habitue
     to center city Philadelphia, Pennsylvania where,
     nary agitation viz calm, cool,

     and collected demeanor did e-clip,
nor (as prevailed during anxiety fraught youth),
     emotional state would hove done a flip
with clenched steering wheel,

     whar white bar knuckles would grip
but nowadays (courtesy
     of targeted prescription medications)
mien psychological state quite mellow,

     and approaches ferrying human cargo
     via 2009 Hyundai Sonata
     as one shaded eyes, cool cat,
     and (so like...mon) really hip

telling spouse to pipe down and zip her lip
lest she wants the aggravating maneuver
     thru plethora of pedestrians
     (nope, yours truly
     DID NOT run anybody over)!

This mister plied his way
     to 1601 Market Street with nary a hitch
though returning back northwest to our abode
     entailed a bit hove va glitch

when orientation
     found me way off beaten bath,
     (a quarter tank of gas) circling
     the Philadelphia Airport with

     "Welcome to Tinicum Township),"
     some natural wildlife niche,
and of course did NO confession getting lost,
then breathing sigh of relief

     espying urban skyline,
     where Ben Franklin statue
     forever frieze a stitch
in time, and even rumbling
     deafening noise elicits nada flinch!

(what...me write vernacular English???)

Okay, the gist of anemic
     checking account averred
asked from one
     FaceBook English Literary bird,
I could plainly enumerate
     Sachin be cured
of spellbinding nightmares,
     and not accused

    of acting demurred
the esse cent chill
     dime a dozen premise ensured
prime merrily to discover
     visa wells Fargo
     sieve err (ala Eratosthenes) forward
solution, whereby means
     to save money

     against being gored
no...no...no...not to be stingy,
     nor selfishly hoard
meager unearned social security
     monthly allotment, aye ignored
to mention as key piece
     of information a dub bill
lit tete ting bout with anxiety,

     obsessive compulsive, not cavil
air lee shaken off and schizoid
     personality disorder like evil
mailer daemons, which
     undermined ability to full fill
quality existence, and even
     prescribed about,
     a half dozen

     medications help ill
psyche, though nonetheless mill
yens of precious moments pill
furred with pro
     fuse sweating still
interferes supplementing,
     stoking, and socking

     away reserve till,
last creased furrow sought out
     here in Schwenksville
     Pennsylvania most likely, where
     one last gulp of oxygen will
finally deliver cremated ashes

     into eternal void
where psychological state
     free from being destroyed
and forever exempt trying
     to be write lee employed!

Hands folded prayer like to beseech thee
to abduct me with no cause to up braid
natural temptation found commanding
from divine dada disobeyed
Earthbound Olympian of love,

now dwells amidst mossy secluded glade
a natural bed of soft earthy, downy
canopied bridal awaiting to lovers to get laid
and maybe nine months later,

a baby will resemble thee dear milkmaid
then whence we return to Land O’ Lakes chalet
homage will be paid
in which human guise paramour
doles secrets of amorous Lumineers trade
into dreamland such desire does invade.

Victuals to satiate pleasures of flesh
especially erogenous zones
administered by this imaginary mistress
sin seductive tones
thru this private line, but no other phones

triggering mine little rolling stones
to generate primal sounds vis a vis moans
inducing groin seams of pants extreme groans
toward pocket sixty-nine without lovely bones.

A copious amount of adoration
   suffuses entire body of this man
her, whose gentle and kind embrace
   promises to be eternal plan

as made mention in the Bible,
   Quran, or Torah millennia ago rattan
whose healthy libido
   will probably outlive me life span.

Royal carpet treatment awaits
   me each and every day
as differences between myself
   and august dweller on high
establish a bounty and glory
   of compassion to roll in the hay

atop bodacious, delicious,
   felicitous fantasy asks me to lie
imbibing succulent atmosphere
   akin to an eternal month o may
spirit soaring thousands of miles in the sky.

Upon hearing sweet nothings
   nobody else can hear
affecting heavy breathing
   indicated by nostril imperceptibly dust flare
a sheer grin of joy lights up
   countenance ear to ear,

despite the impish quarks
   of this divine being so dear
as journey to inxs of nirvana
   induced ******* whispered clear
from being buck-naked bare.

while ******* hallucination
   at my male member does yank
key mud hood dill,
   where reality doth usually tank

with muss elf feeling *****
sans figurative or real shaft shank
quite the opposite with a wife acidly rank
she frequently pulls my hair as a childish prank

knowing full well that action turns
   my mood sour as a crank
I would escape, but no money
   in the piggy bank.

Other times, her karma
   roars into a tempest with a rage
lashing out like a half-crazed maniac
   loosed upon global stage
on account of silent battles we regularly wage.

I admit my own fair share of peculiar traits
which only to private confidences t'will now relate
keep on the q-t lest spouse doth berate.

Chief among these oddities comprise
lower gastrointestinal perturbations issuing from the ***
which prompt innumerable outbursts of gas
Ranging from quiet puff to a noisy, windy pass.
Page number three.

After usage of toilet with a bowel movement
large enough to sink a sub
wash ****** residue from my behind
with a hose attached to the tub.

This couple resembles Frankenstein
and his bride – argh what a pair
she taunts when i shower,
   clean the rest of my body including hair
dry follicles shaking head back & forth
   side-to-side through the air.

There you now know foibles
   and unusual personal ways
uttering that such antics how she plays
like netted in a one-man fraternity
   undergoing constant haze
pelting this poor soul

   with scraps of food, she flays
until these covered with thick pasty
   gloppy glaze as verboten entrees
Now laugh till you fall over
   and remain in stitches for days.

by: Matthew Ma Ascot Harris
schwenksville, pennsylvania
19473

Aye dream of Genie (as a Lad din)
     Schwenksville, Pennsylvania -
     keystone state abbreviated as Pea Yay,
this stupid non huge poem
     really...a boot nuttin
     butta an overrated allay
zee good for nothing, bay

     sic ****** slob, bray
zing as a ("FAKE") pence heave
     trumpeting (Don Key Oat Tee),
     chutzpah twittering Prez, -
     whom stoop “To **** a Mockingbird”
activate hocus pocus “Go Set NRA
as a Watchman,” yepper, hip pip hooray,
whose **** sitters un mensch hen

     nib bill, one important,
     non binding ***** nilly play
book title, sans how to acquire,
     tousled windswept coiffed soufflé
rooted under sworn confidential heady
testimony (top secret only known
     between POTUS, FLOTUS,
     and hairstylist Tiffany Kaljic)

     helped grow "The Art Of The De..." lay
sham (poo poo) headline kept under ray
dar only "How To Get Ri." Dove lousy
tonsuring service, and how easy
to get Head & Shoulders above fray
dee cats - me owing over petty files

     versus joining gray
vee train via tracking
     "FAKE" ***** footing
     faux Trump wannabes, hence ICE hay
Immediately railroad competition
     viz, against ISIS speck did
Amazon tubby a root cause
thus resorting to

     "Midas Touch: Why...Ent...er
risk to get scalped, when,
     (though periwig poor
     hirsute substitute), I belay
burr the point far y'all
     (get a Fred – Roger over) to hoist
     by one's own petard oye vey,
while channeling das directv gray

gore re: haired (50 shades), and
     direct descendent from Kublai
Khan, a moost deplorable display
     yellowish, venomous, serpent,
     which poisonous scorpion size prey
with deadly fangs straight
     (tinned by orthodontists),
    a perfect set pearl whites in an array

as daggers hissed ("FAKE")
     snaky intergenerational viper, and
     true tomb ice elf flave
     heard like a pampered baby
(nick named Keebler Khan)
     unthinkable alternative
     (forever shunned near and faraway)
if this poetaster doth betray

his (my) devote followers, no matter
     admirably, dutifully, and gracefully
     fulfilling role as sommelier
     replenishing wine goblets
     with vintage chardonnay,
nonetheless reprimanding recalcitrants,
     who opt to breakaway
slamming, shaming, and scathing

     rants against brand name
     Matthew Scott Harris
     finds himself a castaway,
     thus unsure, how to write without delay
An insipid poem to pay
(overtime) homage about Labor Day
prepping mental gears
     glommed together like clay

while cruising at mock speed
     faster then (Tom Hawk)
     along the (Al Gore) rhythm information
     super highway expressway
axe chilly (sh...dont tell a soul
     lest I club burr you -
     ha juiced tees zing),

     yours truly intends
     to play umpteen (close
     to a bajillion) rounds of golf
     on the Harris fairway
Lest a Tony (nay)
boar hood tiger jumps
     out of the woods painfully sinking

sharp teeth into mine flesh for play
     jour quickly making mince
     meat then fillet
mignon before (prestidigitation
     i.e.presto) magically
     regurgitating my self fully intact
     as repurposed slimy trumpeting popinjay.

(alternately titled: jump starter for clunky, *****,
quirky, xyz mechanic wanted in tow tow -
chassis what I mean?)

As the proud graduated
honorably rolled 2009 Hyundai
Sonata vehicular property
belonging to a mister
and missus Matthew Harris
(fifty shades of gray

if that makes any difference),
I experience nervous
rack and pinion quaking
shimmying, whining, and zipping
also twittering, shuttering,
linkedin kickstarting powertrain

even before chugging,
huffing, puffing, spewing...
like magic dragon along boulevard
of broken automotive debris
regarding upcoming
emission/inspection

due before stroke of midnight
August 31st, 2019
last year this time...
aye yie yie...
oil my pan, a major overhaul
comprising driver side suspension

engendered shock,
I...could not absorb
even now, yours truly strut er ers...,
and doth recoil scary undertaking
smattering of months thereafter,
(I wheely cannot engine ear

recalling exact amount of time)
what in the name of... car nation...
then... driver side rear brake assembly
required replacement
giving said owners run off
Golden Gate Bridge for their

newfound moneyless rendered situation
(ex post facto new battery got installed)
sorry to zap at greased lightning speed
and (mane lee) take lion's share
of social security electronic deposit,
(what with fuel tank filler ups,

and insurance - no matter
Nationwide always on my side)
understandable decent folks
would prefer to steer me
off cliff side, but
my dear friend SEPTA

doth not cam into hinterland
namely Schwenksville, Pennsylvania,
thus imposing prohibitive dollars
tooling them around
mainly medical appointments,
cuz at ten plus years old,

and odometer clicking away...
mechanical malfunction,
could diesel lee, axle dent tully
risk life and limb,
thus park my exhausted words
this fellow gas guzzling,

motoring, rotating tire
screeching hot rods...
ole clunker auto know,
but hates tappet cob Bosch,
and get cha piston off...,
but tread carefully,
and curry big stick shift.

(alternatively titled: tardy duff fender of assertiveness,
especially after adjusting following insanity clause
affixed with rubber baby-buggy bumpers)

Methinks I nearly got snookered
courtesy CVS employee at store number 7569
(address: 1206 North Gravel Pike,
Zieglerville, Pennsylvania 19492)
September ninth, two thousand and twenty.

Saleswoman rattled off spiel
regarding CVS Carepass program
the missus immediately
became suspicious of aforementioned deal
every month five dollars
debited from checking account,
figurative highway robbery,
and/or outright steal.

The above trifling
unspectacular wrought scenario
an exception to rule,
whereby yours truly usually
spurred Manichean inner duel
witnessed by guns ablazing
trampling outspokenness
giving Isaac Bashevis Singers,
Gimpel the fool

run for his in dove viz hubble money
now forced into dire straits,
where chicks free yea
how **** sapiens cruel
nasty, short and brutish beastly species
devises sadomasochistic tool
hankering, and hungering to starve
think also about anonymous
innocent tortured soul (me, ha)

kept in solitary confinement,
with no chance of parole
a convict for life i.e. hard skool
of knocks alum deceived
hired, and lobotomized
slave driven human mule
donkey *** tee (hee hee hee),
and fed diet of worms
in tandem with thin gruel.

Far to often annals
constituting mein kampf,
I experienced oblivious naiveté
undergoing blitzkrieg linkedin
with scapegoat honorific,
now sortie give snort against
mine passivity harrumph!

Dan D. yankee from Schwenksville,
Pennsylvania didst doodle and dawdle
planting feather in figurative cap - yay
perceptive sixth sense analogous to xray,
yours truly more wise

to the insidious mean way
dominant nasty, short
and brutish human beasts
Machiavellian bullies instill fear
for egoistic personal gain oye vey

immediately judging me as prime target
oh my dog... early in grade school
threatening hateful taunts got underway
I attest suffering verbal abuse
persists even today

offtime couched within feigned concern,
yet sinister motives at heart stay
anger toward able, eager and ready
poetic tactics launched courtesy shipshape quay
zee reasonably rhyming literary barbs to portray,

how creative poetic technique can outweigh
Norse (er horse) sense
scrawled by Lake Woebegone
bachelor farmers' guardian angels
originally harkening from Norway
deported to Normandy Farms,

including me nonagenarian papa,
cuz they (you decide who)
started to trumpet melee
predicated when power of attorney
given to a girl named Amélie,
dime a dozen teller (of tall tales)
at Wells Fargo Bank.

to bask
in offline and/or
     online friendship
like quaffing from flask
with no deliberate intent
     to antagonize nor mask
any hidden agenda -
     quite challenging task.

Thus, i turn question back 2 u
per what spurred
     posting/responding too,
and might there be interest
     with me - n average hue
man male - hoping 4  
     acquaintance brand new
from - this bard

     of schwenksville - matthew
***** older buck
     haint gonna byte
so...no need to take fright
     i scout cyber seas donning
     virtual webbed wide
     wet suit to brook
     a female friendship countless

     adult oriented web site
up prefer venues left
     of political right
and absolutely
     positively unquestioningly
     without subatomic
     particle of interest
than please just respond

     albeit, and try to be polite...
good morning, noon, or night
quite
right
2b guarded when acquaintanceship
     begins out of sight
whereby data bits
     bump uglies and grind
     thru information super
     highway somewhat tight.
Ma arch bald
     dingbats fingas clip by

     at greased lightening speed
justa friendship this
     poor fella doth need
an accommodating gal
     to offer a lead
mien eyes not purposely heed,
nor any greed
from stall huff

     eyeing in sects less marriage
     this guy wants 2b freed
with no malice this
     super tramping wordsmith
     of inxs ac of dc
     charged cheap tricks,
     sans done ***** deed.
This impersonator

     sometime bard of yore
admits to his apology
     if taken totally abominable
     like bar rammy aback
     to proposition with
     carnal desires in store
and ideally match deeds
     e-z with these words

     towards strong desire to adore
forsooth naked realm
     to allow noggin to bore
together in close syn
cop yule lay shun couplet core
and would gently encourage
     newfound muse
     to let me dip quill in iambic

     pentameter du jour
from a wordsmith
     who shies away
    drinking *** or smoking *****.
Now with a zing
i step into digital xing
via summit fall low wing
written jest to byte

     tongue in cheek
unsure if phone here will ring
or unexpected
     gold plated invitation
     after the yodeling ding
in an effort to hear pleasant,
     yet discordant musical
     ka – ching

for cherished pennies, nickels,
     dimes, nickle back
     et cetera from heaven to bring.
Twiddling 2 opposable black bird
     shaped green thumb
     me schmart simian Semitic ****
     gets comfortably numb
quaffing humongous

     amount of ***
while downing
     sesame street pudding
     made of pureed plum
like jack in the corner
     boot my luck more glum,
and despite ****** stubble with here
     and there a stale crumb
this dabbler in words
     haint no ***.

really trolley train hard to keep track of patients

Eye tell ya we (spuds)
pulled up stakes after four yar
and zero scores ago living in Bryn Mawr
salutary heart and lungs figurative
storied Main Line Health medical network
latter part of June tooth thousand seventeen

approximately July first
same year bidding au revoir
bid good riddance account
to slumlord - hood did spat and spar
moved to Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
unsafe to ride bicycle without handlebar

economical, geographical, practical...
subjected by Grosse and Quade tyrannical czar
dom low income facilities housing
nattering nabobs of nihilism whose intellect subpar
candidates vetted by Jaclyn Geiger registrar
courtesy nepotism unexceptional manager

thanks be to her papa, she drives fancy car
unlike this pauper and the missus
limited to schlep near and not far
afforded by rattletrap motorcar,
no driving prohibitive number of miles,
crossing sketchy territory warning signs

picturing dangerous avatar,
(especially during inclement whee thar)
determining risk to forego
top manic kin Michelin
money grubbing cannibalistic
surgeon's earning equivalent silver star,

or comparable civilian rating touting specialists
while bonafide topnotch indivisible tailors swifty
stitch ink, viz tattoo back parlor shop whar
exemplary Patients Matter Always
buzzfeeding, inoculating, kickstarting...
healthy medical network,

hobnob, kibitz, schmooze...
drown lackluster lovelife at the bar
parting paramour with such sweet sorrows par
for the course during pouring rain how bizarre
necessitated our lucky find locating physicians
supreme nsync with Google high reviews

receiving, scoring, nabbing,
incorporating... truevalue re: vector and scalar,
we veteran trooper seasoned renters
luckily blessed chance
cost us pennies on the dinar
general bang for buck amazingly
found yours truly strumming his air guitar

pleasantly situated among picturesque poplar
resort within Skippack Village, a tourist
mecca for devout or
secular gourmandizing, earning
catering and acquiescing savoir
ole mighty faire Benjamin
legally tendering expensive bazaar.

I, (and the missus)
     pleased as punch residing
     at this Schwenksville, Pennsylvania locale,
     (since july first tooth house

     sand eighteen), marks one year
and better with (on site
     service) wash and wear,
but most irrefutable attraction

     comprises rental assistance,
     when upon the merry month of May
     first, the dollar figure outlay
     to occupy a single bedroom

     (at this low cost
     housing facility) didst veer
dramatically downward
     from an initial charge,

     sans five hundred, and seventy two unswear
     able legal tenderloin monies,
     per twelfth of Gregorian Calendar,
     when aye didst tear

away the page signaling June,
     thine checking account reduced sheer
     lee no misprint (to win unbelievably
     rosy, piddly, and giddy)

     one hundred and seventy
     seven buck a roos,
yet lesser benefits appended, asper
     this bucolic, diatonic,

     and harmonic rear
opportunity to espy
     white tailed non queer
yule less doe ting mama

     belonging to Cervidae family app pear
ring to take shelter in a narrow
     (sunset) strip somewhat near
enough from mine

     inside perch oblivious
     to this mad capped (Alfred E. Neuman),
who **** stumping for elections midyear
essentially to reinstate

     "FAKE" King Crimson Lear
on the throne,
     who strongly objects to killdeer
for eats or sport,

     and silences those hood jeer
his reverence toward gentle creatures
     including near extinct albino blushing zebra,
     hooves warp and weave interlinear

within said (postage size
     token) plot here ~ 1+ hectare
secluded upon a tract
     off the beaten commercial

     domain and glare
with suburban sprawl,
     a hop, skip and jump fair
lee quickly disappearing

     "in the name of progress"
though vanishing wild
     life eyes find endear
ring, though thine psyche

     wracked with despair
no matter ample (spacious
     free) parking, a clear
bonus as well un

     limited water usage
and to top off the list donated
up for grabs non-sellable (stales) breads,
     cakes, fruits, vegetables
     about twice a week doth appear.

Ambiguity within mine
doodling Yankee mind that
arises, asper current
hoopla harrumphing
American Civil War statues,
which verbal/written spat

particularly regarding southern generals
(many atop horses) arouses
call to arms whereat,
excited curiosity possibly twill incite
dangerous extraneous, mutinous,
treasonous *** for tat

promulgation exhuming ghosts
abolitionists of Dead Poets Society
screeching like a wildcat
signaling resumption, sans
war between the states recruiting
every able bodied proletariat

after well nigh one
hundred fifty four plus years,
which repurpose sing reformat
might transform mine
humdrum friggin existence
into one enviable secretariat,

where these ears will
hear constant ratatat,
when bombardiers din
temporarily doth pause
scampering atop rampart
analogous to polecat

espying the freshly minted "enemy"
unconcerned if maneuvers induce pitapat
cuz resumption of battle will drown,
this weasel granted leeway within Union
Schwenksville, Pennsylvanian nonfat
spry old man confident fighter

despite civilian life
extant, viz noncombat
acclimated to rustic/primitive conditions
honest to dog abode comprised
thatched hut housed within mudflat

only during rainfall rigging
makeship shower plus laundromat
counting lucky stars kismat
blessed without necessity
to whip out handy dandy hemostat,
thus yours truly ready for action

quite content nsync
within no man's land habitat
linkedin with nearest battalion via
microchip embedded within
noggin rock solid as hardhat
genetically modified lest

Johnny Rebel lob brickbat
also on lookout against
swampy hungry creatures,
thence I will ******
these lovely bones akin to acrobat.