No woman Is worth what you put me through,
Girls talk about men and the bad **** he'd do,
But that's nothing compared,
To the emotional despair,
From terrorist attacks, from a woman's lair,
****, I'd wonder why I'd care,
Sayin' it isn't fair,
Ya disappointment's perpetual and you were never there,
Should have not got ******, now my heart need repair,
And through all the pain and agony you weren't even aware,
I tried to shrug my love,
Pretend I didn't give a ****,
Hoping it didn't come back round like bad karma, ****** luck,
Hard truths,  
Cold facts, It's all through,
What's the point of part one if there's never part two?
Heart's glued,
Still trying to put back broken pieces,
It's all you,
And I'm thinkin' over thesis,
Go back to observation,
Evidence of perpetration,
Hold you accountable for all ya allegations,
It all supports my theory,
If I'm superman your kryptonite when you're near me,
I fear thee,
Cryin' when you week and weary,
Sayin' "Jared, I need a friend so please hear me"
'Cause that's the nicotine I try not to let get near me,
Askin', "Are you listening?"
Through self imposed misery  
Treatin' me like a figurine,
So I play you like a tennis team,
And make sure you get no love, back to my history!
Because you never deserved my presence,
Men try to win ya heart just a part of contestants,
Just to win a section,
Of your empty affection,
Compulsion, and expections,
Of giving that's one way in direction,
Taker Take her,
Come meet you maker,
The distance you created like the comet did the crater,
Don't ask me for no favors,
Cause i savor the flavor,
Of live with out you compared,
To a life with you despaired,
And everyday your name slips me,
Is like a little victory,
Because you name is to me,
A bad taste in my mouth, and amnesia is my listerine,
Forgetting things,
Now relationships are hard, because, of what you did to me,
Left me with scars, half dead like chivalry,
But it still lives through me,
If I ever see you again, I'll pretend, it didn't get to me,
Stop talking, and start listening,
Vapid actress,
When will you stop actin'?
You can fake love but you can't fake passion,
Vapid actress,
When will you stop actin'?
You can fake love but you can't fake passion.

The expectations in my head
overgrown and make a mess
the idea it has been spread
to let go gives me distress
why do I set the bar so high
to myself I tell this big lie
reality can not compete
it leaves me feeling bittersweet

As she sunk down to depths of herself
Her arms were weak and fragile just like her spirt.
She was close to letting go of the only pieces
of herself that made her happy.

Then... Suddenly he was there.
He pulled her up from her drowning state
even when her eyes her full of her pain.
Miles separated them as did years.. and yet
he was  simply there.

He claimed he was just a guy...
but to her... he was so much more
He had in a few days time help mend the
tattered and torn expections of friendships
and even unknowingly helped her stitch up
some of the wounds that covered her back and her heart.

She didn’t know that friends existed.. not like this one
She told him he was wonderful
and he told her she was amazing
and for one of the first times in her life she believed the words

Thanks and compliments seemed to poor from her heart
and for once she didn’t breath so heavy
with the counting the number of days before his departure
but simply opened herself up
and let part of the little girl out that she had trapped there long ago.

She found she wasn’t so angry and
the fear didn’t eat her like it use to.
blushing over took her cheeks
and smiles spread across her lips like
a pink rose in the midst of spring

She couldn’t help but feel good inside and out
when they talked
and hearing his voice for even seconds was better.
She knew with this person
she had found not only a friend
but  a brother
someone who gave a **** about her.
Who saved from herself.
Or maybe helped her save herself.
Which she wasn’t sure.

All she knew as that she once thought
that finding a person to click with was rare. 
And now she knew that the real challege was finding someone
how you bonded with and connected with..
Who was willing to give more than take.
And that’s what she found.
She could’nt see the greatness in herself  
but he could.
Prehaps he couldn’t see what hid within himself
but she could.
For once in her life she was okay with the world not being perfect
and prehaps for the first time as well she let herself go.

He did so much for her by just being herself..
but in the end the best thing he ever did to her
was love his friend for who she was.

here i sit unfollowing people
i've never met on instagram
(all those expections i put on
myself i can never meet)

here i sit removing old photos
from my iphone gallery
(all those memories i cant
seem to give it up)

here i thought to myself
its time to stop hoarding
its time to stop dwelling in the past
that can never be brought back
its time to be living, now

cheers to a new beginning
a new season in life
cheers to setting lower expectations
for myself and for Him to meet
cheers to being kind to myself

today

Come sit with me,
Tell me you've seen my struggle,
Show me you're proud of me,
Your empathy is what I seek,

I'm sorry you have to be here,
And that it has to be this way,
I know high expections,
Often ,from reality, leave us astray,

A few hours from your clock,
And you asking me to be more responsible,
This is all I need from you,
Even if the sun shines and the sky is blue,

I know you're looking out for me,
But I'm not looking for you,
I may be here wanting your attention,
Oh, but there is no compassion,

I've seen you making the effort,
And hopelessly trying,
Always righting my wrong,
But one day you'll too, be gone

Isn't that what always happens?
We care, we love, we break,
Isn't everything too sudden?
Scathing us for our own sake?

So why does it matter if I don't love?
Live by myself, indifferent to my pain,
For aching, our heart is never too young,
So why you say happy ones are the only saints?

I say get in the way of that preachers.
Saying ******’s a sin and justifyn’ ****** with fables.
If god’s love (and god’s love), homophobia is sin, turn those tables.

And then abortion’s a sin but there are some expections.
It goes something like “all of life’s sacred but not life of a *******”.
Yeah, dumb joke, but it hurts, it don’t tickle.

But I still pray to saints for love and unity and friendship.
As a goliard in cell I follow Lord while damning all the priestlings.
This is ******* reggae not sounding soft beneath C.I.S. city sellings.

your words spill like hot coffee across the table
with every syllable and touch of the tongue against your palate
i am still not used to how clouded your mind is
you often forget that i exist as a person with emotion,
a person with scars that can gradually reopen
i realized throughout the days that you barely know the little things,
like my favorite color, the reason behind my smiles and the passion
that i've grown used to hiding
you forget to question the reason behind my tears,
you forget to hold me when i'm surrounded by all these fears,
but i guess i've gotten used to knowing
that your words can't always fix what's broken inside

you say that i know nothing
but with every sweep of your broom,
with every wipe of your cloth
against the corners that have slowly started to collect dust
you bury me under what used to be a colossal of a heart
i try to suffice this cup with a love-filled gesture,
a written letter, an explanation to why i am an apparent disappointment
but nothing will ever be enough

you say that i know nothing
but to rely on the people around me
you say that i can't cook to please,
that i can't fix things and that i'm clueless on how to live this life
that has been given to me
that my hands are too weak to hold the stirring wheel
that my skin is too soft and easily grazed
that i can't satisfy a husband if needed be

so i'm sorry and that i know nothing
but to observe life from a far away distance
that i've been too busy trying to fix my mistakes
instead of cleaning the messes i leave behind
i'm sorry for being a lousy driver
for as my weak hands have to offer
only comfort and guidance to the people i love the most
i'm sorry for clinging to my own perspective of wisdom
instead of working towards the outcome,
for leaving the dishes as they towered one on top of the other
i'm sorry for being human, and for being a daughter
that has not passed your expections
for being the one that knows nothing more
but to cherish the hands meant for reaching places instead of bed sheets
meant for adventure, instead of suffering

i'm sorry for living

When a devil and a *****
Occupy the same space
The air in sin will thicken
Hearts quicken in pace
To get the blood flowing
Down to Hades depths
Expections of a good plowing
Quivering in their chests.

The hands on the clock stopped
Stomach sank, jaw dropped
Impossible expections
Invincible adventures
Washed away like hair dye down the drain
A stain of a memory
You disappeared like the sun fading into my rearview

If I told you I missed you, would you return?
Your beauty like a thousand sun's
I'm far to weak
Within our memories, I burn

Spread out across the floor on the pieces of us
Wrapped up in you
Losing my mind
The last thing to go

You stole my breath on every kiss
You danced with my soul on the thought of tomorrow
You ran with my hope
You shattered my heart
My dignity followed you out the door
Shame won't come around anymore

If I cross your mind
If you ever think of who we used to be
Today I started mending what you broke
Today I took a chance on me

All that salty sadness
Crashing on the floor
There's no sparkle left
In those eyes
Except for the glimmering moist
I have seen...
I have been here before
There's nothing you should say
No expections in the air tonight
I'll just hold you
And embrace your soul
Untill you care again
Untill you feel whole

Teach me lurch these sheer visceral swings…fix my future tieing up all past rumbling strings… And never promise me again with tales of folly things

Take me to oceans, today I wanna plunge into those waters and dissolve my expections

Push me into forests for I wanna be reminded that I was deserted before by you and this ain’t new!

I am in cross roads couldn’t comprehend universe, seems like a bestowed curse…going through hypothetical battle, just letting time to travel!

You Glance at me even for a split second, my scars would gaze at me to poke as cactus plants asking not to find any romance neither would I give it a chance

Teach me lurch these sheer visceral swings…fix my future tieing up all past rumbling strings… And never promise me again with tales of folly things

We gaurd our hearts in daylight;
hiding from the shadows of our shattered pain

Forgetting how, when darkness falls upon us, we let our gaurd down to fatal love expections.

Love succumbed to a mere defition of words, is Love exercised in vain.

Love is an entity and quality of God....as A matter of fact, Love is God....

Love is a product of faith and without faith, Loving would be senseless.

Faith is substance of all that we can not see, but hope for....and faith is what adds value to that we see ahead.

To Love with 'understanding' is when understanding will actually cease to matter, not because what we feel doesn't matter but, 'understanding' devalues the matter that we feel.

Love is measured on what you feel for the next person and all you hope to share and not because of what they can return to you as a measure of that which you invest.

Love will fail when the past is the measuring stick for what you have, over what you could have....don't waste time on what you can never change.

Reasons why Loving becomes difficult, is when Loves has expections of a response to what you give....and therefore question would be.....how much do you measure the returns of profit on your emotional investment?

Love is made easy when it is done by you....strengthened by your own prayers and your faithfulness....with the only expection as a blessing that you be with someone who holds the same measure of faith in what they feel for you.

Love never changes you as person, but acts as a reflection to who you are.....as a result, Love will keep you inside what you share even when all the doors are open for you to walk out....

Love is God and Faith is in works...
Say "I love you" as a reminder but Live it as a lifestyle.....words alone will never be enough because......

Love succumbed to a mere defition of words, is Love exercised in vain.

by Nduduzo Mbele
written 14/03/2017

March 22, 2015, Sunday, 1:14PM

Having too much expections and scenarios end up hurting an individual.

WHAT IS LOVE?
LOVE. A word sounds just so peaceful and too beautiful itself but the love between us is it really love? Or just a feeling. I know very well that love is also a feeling but “its just a feeling”. I guess it just depends how big and how true your feeling is for that particular person or a thing. Now we all say that “am just too addicted to that person without seeing her/him I cant just live” but is that really true? A chain smoker is say that he/she love smoking. But inside do they really love it? NO RIGHT. Even outside there showing that they love that thing/person do they really love it from inside too? Do we really love them? Inside that chain smoker what to leave the cigarette but he/she cant why? Because they’re addicted to it. Just like we are addicted to a person. If one day you didn’t saw that person can you survive? Ask yourself why not? Answer should be yes! Yes you will feel incomplete, you just feel that something is missing but it does’nt mean that you will die. NOW IS THAT LOVE OR JUST A FEELING? A feeling right and FELLINGS NEVER STAY. LOVE. WHAT IS LOVE? When you look at a person is that love? When your eyes are begging to see that person but what you get is only tears. IS THAT LOVE? LOVE IS JUST LOVE. THERE SHOULD BE NO SPACES BETTWEEN LOVE, NO EXPECTIONS, YOU JUST LOSE YOURSELF. YOU ALREADY TO GIVE YOU WHOLE TO THAT PERSON AND THAT PERSON IS GIVE THERE WHOLE OF THEM TO YOU. LOVE IS WITHOUT SPACES. A PERSON CAN’T MAKE YOU HAPPY, AND CELLPHONE CAN’T MAKE YOU HAPPY ANYTHING IN THIS CAN’T MAKE YO HAPPY TIL YOU SAY THAT YOU ARE HAPPY. I’AM HAPPY NOT BECAUSE OF SOMEONE BUT JUST BECAUSE I LOVE MY SELF. I DIDN’T EXPECT FROM OTHER AND FROM MYSELF.

LOVE IS YOU NOT SOMETHING OR SOMEONE.