congratulations,
you are unloved;
undissolved in a world you
watch through glass.

and once again,
you are nine; in the bathroom,
on that floor, as
the blue tiled walls reflect,
and replay
over and over and
over,

and
you wish that
you never truly woke up, from
the strange mix of dream
and reality you
succumbed to long ago,

like a princess, at
rest;
wrapped in thorns

maybe
you'd never have had to pack
that sleepover bag every time
he made you cry,
.
leak

even as the tv still played
cartoons, snot still
ran, and you still
bled (and left).

You pretend to zip your lips like
there's even a secret to spill,
as if i couldn't pry open
your mouth like a four
day old rusty paper-
clip
off an
empty
          manila
                     folder

i can't believe he didn't love me--

i spent so much time
dreaming of what we
could've been,,, and
what we never had, **

on
those days when sunlight
would pour through glass
like liquid ****** and drown my
mind as if
nothing else existed// i remember..:

how i still coughed and cried;
knowing he gave
me up, as though
the memory of us was just a
vignette...

stained,
fleeting.

HOW
do you convince a man that you do not
like him?

how do you transfer in
                                        words,
the feeling of bile stinging your throat
as you choke on words that should've
never
have needed to
be said

WHY
doesn't he listen the first time?
                                                      when
you spit on your hands, and pray to a god
that you don't know, forgive me,
but don't forget me,
p l e a s e... i
just want
to go home,
                       even though
he has taken your bed, your thoughts,
and
      your
             sleep,

WHEN
did our belonging become
less than
his success, my organs are
                                               not
a playground, and his skin is not your
rug-- let us go,
well say once more,

we really just don't like you.

Little blue boy-
don't sleep for me, i
am not
your
princess
decked in rhinestones
that come in
red and
pink,

so kiss your fist and
say goodbye, my
heels just aren't that heavy...

save me in
another
life.

i had a dream,
we were older---

i was pretty and you
had
become gentle,
and i remember looking
into your eyes and
smiling, and it was a new
sort of
calm,
but it hurt/ because
it wasn't the same,
and i realized
that understanding
is
different from
moving on.

Little needle face,
With a long pink dress and teeth
Too big for your mouth,
You are but a doll
with a back breaking slouch and
chest made from cotton//

your
Little needle hands
the machine that
stitched yourself
Together, the twine that
holds your heart
In place a
Jagged knot of
Cage and wire.

Little needle girl,
with a button nose and stringy
hair,
Please
***** all your tormentors
The way I could never ***** mine,
And
never grow your body
Back