Because the spaces between
These broken lines
Sketched onto my skin
           and the
Spaces within these ugly scars
Cut into my back
There lies a million words
Left unsaid and shattered
Tucked inside of a chest
Buried into the folds
In the darkest corners
Of my messed up mind
...
Oh how I wish
I could give you the key
To unlock it all
...
Yet my fate
Remains sealed
Inside my clenched hands
And within my quivering lips
...

I saw something today
That reminded me of you
So I picked up my phone
Put in your number
And excitedly waited to talk to you
But with every ring you didn't pick up
My heart dropped lower out of my chest
.
.
"I'm not near my phone right now.. that or I'm purposely ignoring you Shanon just leave a message at the beep.. or don't whatever"
.
Beep
.
.

And it all hit me all over again
The feeling of choking
On my own tears
Drowning out the rest of the world
Because it had been so long
Since I last heard your voice
Yet it seemed it was only yesterday
We were playing street hockey
And making fun of eachother
And talking on the phone all night long
Just to hang out all day after
...
We would talk about our past
And what our future may hold
We talked about our demons
And secrets we never told
...
I remember being so angry
The day you left
After all we've been through
No sorry
No goodbye
Not even a single note
Explaining why
You decided I wasn't enough reason
For you to not climb into that bathtub
And press that razor blade onto your skin
...
How dare the sky rumble
When they took your lifeless body just to throw it in the ground
How dare the others cry
When you didn't make a single sound
How dare the birds still sing
When the world was falling apart
How dare the moon still come up
When nothing in the universe seemed to make sense
How dare they believe poems had to rhyme
How dare they still talk about the good old days
How dare they believe for one second they knew you at all
And most of all
How dare you--

How dare you leave me so broken
How dare you leave me so alone
How dare you call me your best friend
Just to leave me on my own?
...
The darkness lingering around my past
Found a deeper grip around my soul that day
As I watched pieces of my heart
Leave with you
.
.
.
Now I find myself sitting here awkwardly
Finally being able to string these useless letters
Into coherent words
To ask you if you're still listening up in the clouds
How dare you not pick up anymore
When I call you on the phone?


~Who else am I supposed to talk to when late at night my demons won't be put to sleep?
Who else am I supposed to talk to when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and weep?

I rewrite myself often
Never satisfied
With the person I've drawn out
...
I say this only once
And I say it as a warning...
Don't write yourself in me
Or parts of you will get lost too.

I.

The heart is clumsy,

our thoughts provoking disaster

when pulling on the wrong strings

before the storm, and after.

II.

You

and I,

encompass the sky

that hovers above us

holding clouds that serve purpose

to embellish or destroy

waiting for the wind

to mould us into strange shapes

tugging at others’ curiosity

not knowing what we are

or where we’re going.

III.

Muffled speech,

blinding weather in his eyes,

today we are not raining together

drop by drop

He falls and changes,

beauty into anger,

I await on a lonely ground

to catch him.

IV.

We exist in all shades,

unpredictable,

beautiful,

converging into one another

calming the anxious souls

that we transport to the heavens above.

V.

I watch the sun and moon alternate,

natural occurrences, I notice

just like the thoughts

that feel like clouds in my head

when my heart reminds me

of him

at an ungodly time of night

striking me like lightening,

thunder echoing between these ears

that long for the voice of an angel instead.

Boy just take it easy
Boy just take it slow
Please don't give up now
You have so much further to go

Put that gun down boy
Step away from the ledge
All the demons your fighting
Don't have to stay in your head

Let me help you boy
Let me be your light
You and I together boy
We'll give 'em a hell of a fight

This is it boy
It's time for war
With me by your side
It'll be easier than before

We got this boy
We won't back down
We'll take 'em all on
We'll knock 'em to the ground

Boy let's take it easy
Boy let's take it slow
All the demons you fight
Will no longer call you home

"A genuine anteater,"
The pet man told me dad.
Turned out, it was an aunt eater,
And now my uncle's mad!

There aren't enough words in the world
Nor enough time
To tell you all my regrets as I tell you goodbye
...
There aren't enough emotions in the world
Nor enough tears
To tell you all my heart feels as I smile and walk away
...
Because how can you leave someone
Who was the only place that felt like home?
...
Yet that's exactly what I did
...
Because houses always stand longer
When there's no poison to ruin it
...

She'll dance like there's no tomorrow
She'll sing like there's no today
One smile from her
You'll watch your past fade away
Cause she doesn't need to be loved
Her spirit was independent from the start
But she does need to be supported
Someone to break down the walls around her heart
Some days she'll be the ray of sunshine
You always need on a cloudy day
Other days she'll be the storm itself
She'll scream or lock herself away
When she does that remember to check on her
For she burns so bright she might burn out
But don't push her until she finds her peace again
Or she might throw paint at you and shout
She's a treasure chest full of secrets
You'll unlock more of her every day
The hardest thing is to gain her trust
You have to show her you're going to stay
Love her like you're her anchor
She goes through a storm everyday you see
Inspire her like you're her wings
All she wanted in life was to feel free
Most of all when the sun sets
And she tells you she's ready to sleep
Don't believe her for a second
That's when her demons come out from the deep
You see, she guards her heart
Like she guards her soul
She can't express love
Even if it makes her whole
Hold her close
And hold her steady
One step at a time
Until she's ready
She's been broken too many times
I write this cause I'm aware
I'm one of the ones who built her up
Just to take away her flare

In poetry
You can do whatever you want
You can pull a Dr. Seuss
And create a skiddelybont
You can travel to the future
And also back in time
You can imagine you're a unicorn
Or even be divine
In poetry
The world is yours to mold
Warm, sunny nights
Or stuck out in the cold
But it is no bother
The trials you may find
Are over as soon as the next poem
Forms itself within your mind

I would like to take a moment
and thank all my brothers
and sisters
that have died before me
those who died
sliding down my mothers throat
racing towards her gut
and their own deaths
those that went right
instead of left
and left instead of right
as we swam and raced
not knowing anything
of anything
to all those that died before me
and after me
And apologize to all the children
I will never see smile
those that died
in my teen angst tube socks
and crust stained sheets
those that died
wrapped in paper towels
and on tissue
and toilet paper
and tossed in trash bins
trapped in latex graves
and swirling and twirling
down the drain
May god forgive me
for living without
Republican wisdom
and law
and legislation
what unforgivably shame
to not make sure each
and every single one of you
did not go to waste
But not all hope is lost
Republicans are working hard
on new laws
and new legislation
and new prayers  
first they will secure you
a womb in women
willingly or unwillingly
teen or adult
consensual or ****
and then to be fair
(because we can always
trust a politician)
they'll be writing
and passing laws
to make sure
we don't casually enjoy our *****
without making sure
not one of you is wasted...