I always saw change
holding hands with pain
I thought it was scary
and crushing
and hurtful

I thought to myself
"then just let me be
let me cuddle my demons in the darkness
let them take a hold
let them make my choices
let them keep me
in their hands
ready to disappear
no trace left behind"

Let me be abused by darkness
Let it change my thoughts
to keep me chained
to the same ones
that say I'm not good enough
and it would be easier
to just force myself awake
by bleeding out
or falling off
or shutting down

But change doesn't
mean pain in itself
It means rebirth
It means experience
It means growth
It means becoming
who you actually already are
without painful thoughts
like phantoms haunting
your days and mind
and ways of acting
and not taking care of your own self

It means learning
the value of the life
you hold in your hands
and the potential
you hold in yourself

Change doesn't mean pain
Change means light

When I feel lost in this world
full of potential
and twists and turns
When I feel I have no place
in structured conversations
and I barely recognize my face
When I have no friends nor foes
or at least I can't see them anymore
my aunt, my cousin, my dad propose
that art is always open
that poetry will always listen
and my history is my token
I am the culmination
of my family's art
So I will work
and tear myself apart
with verses and rhymes
and paintings and designs
'Cause our history has no end
so long as on my shoulders it dipends

No paths are bound
no roads are taken
the future's only
what we make it

I saw you in a dream
unexpected but nonchalant
as you always are,
your skin touched mine
and sunlight covered us both.
It felt like summer,
like time had stopped
and never progressed
to the moment you let go
of whatever was left of love
and affection and reverence.
I awake to chilly night air,
no sun nor arms to warm me
I check my phone, it's two a.m.
It's cold.