I turn and all I see are shadows
Shadows of people
Shadows of monsters
Shadows of things I don't want to see
It hurts
They are coming
They are creeping up
They are clawing to get onto me
Into my head
They are trying to destroy me
I know what they want
They want to hurt me
They want to see me suffer
These shadows are vicious
They have a mind of their own
I look forward
Close my eyes and whisper to myself
"They can't destroy me. They can't hurt me. They can't see me suffer. Because I've already destroyed myself."
-te

I'm drifting from everything around me
I wish I could hold onto something
Hold onto a smile , a look, a hand
But all I see are backs
Walking away and I get farther and farther
They keep turning to peek at how far I am
And mouth to me "try harder"
But it doesn't help
I'm drifting away
And no one cares enough to help
To pull me back to reality
-te

sometimes it comes crawling back
Into my mind
Taking over everything I have
there's nothing I can do
I fall into this hole
Filled with darkness and confusion
Feeling so lost
and all I know to do is cry
-te

What is it like to feel like your whole life is a dream?
What is it like to not feel anything?
What is like to think your family and friends aren't real?
It feels like everything has been ****** away from you
It feels like you have no control over anything anymore
It feels like  nothing exists.
-te

YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY AND IT BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES BECAUSE YOU CAME AT SUCH A GOOD TIME AND I AM SO THANKFUL YOU ARE IN MY LIFE NOW BECAUSE I WOULD STILL BE IN MY DROWNING STATE OF SADNESS IF YOU HADN'T TALKED TO ME AND NOW I DON'T STOP SMILING AND I FEEL BUTTERFLIES IN MY TUMMY WHENEVER SOMEONE SAYS YOUR NAME AND I THINK THAT YOU MAY BE THE ONE TO COMPLETELY SAVE ME
-te

11:11
Make a wish
For love
For hope
For strength
To keep you going
-te

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS LIKE TO HAVE DEMONS IN YOUR HEAD TELLING YOU THAT YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH EVERYDAY THAT YOU AREN'T WORTH LIVING THAT THERE IS NO POINT IN YOU BEING HERE ANYMORE BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST A WASTE OF SPACE? DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IS IT LIKE TO NOT KNOW WHY YOU HAVE THESE DEMONS BUT YOU HATE YOURSELF SO MUCH BECAUSE OF THEM? DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS LIKE TO WANT HAPPINESS SO BAD THAT YOU WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET EVEN A GLIMPSE OF IT?
-te

I'm numb
Everything around me doesn't feel real
Everyone around me doesn't feel real
I'm so extremely exhausted of everything that I have no clue how much longer I can take
It's hard to believe that "It gets better"
I'm numb
I'm tired
I just want to be gone
-te

Thank you for saving me at a bad time
Thank you for making me feel like the most important person in the world
Thank you so much for sticking by my side as long as you did
I'm sorry I pushed you away
I'm sorry things ended the way they did
I'm so sorry I am the way I am
But thanks again for helping for that little while, I just wish you were still here helping..
-te

It's weird how you want everyone to know how you're feeling. For them to know you aren't okay anymore. For them to know you have suicidal thoughts every single day. For them to know you cut. For them to know you just don't want to be in this world anymore. But then again, you don't want anyone to worry about you so you keep your mouth shut. It's weird how we want someone to help us but we stay silent so they will never know
-te

I FEEL LIKE SUCH A MESS AND I AM GETTING WORSE AND I AM NEVER HAPPY ANYMORE AND I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH IT ALL AND I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH FOR BEING LIKE THIS BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP THE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN TAKE
-te

YOU CAME INTO MY LIFE AND MADE ME SEE THE WORLD SO DIFFERENTLY YOU TOOK AWAY THE DARK CLOUD THAT WAS HANGING ABOVE ME AND SHOWED ME THE BRIGHT SIDE BUT THEN YOU LEFT AND THERE I WAS STARING AT THE CLOUD AGAIN HOPING IT WOULDN'T TAKE OVER BUT GUESS WHAT IT IS BIGGER THAN EVER AND EVERYDAY I AM WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK AND TAKE IT AWAY AGAIN
-te

EVERYONE SAYS TO TAKE CHANCES AND DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT TO TELL THE PERSON YOU LOVE THAT YOU LOVE THEM TO TELL THE PERSON YOU MISS THAT YOU MISS THEM BUT YOU SHOULDN'T BECAUSE IF THEY DO NOT FEEL THE SAME WAY YOU ARE GOING TO BE SO BROKEN INSIDE AND NOTHING ***** MORE THAN WANTING SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT WANT YOU BACK
-te

THE WORST THING IS WHEN YOU ARE WITH SO MANY PEOPLE BUT YOU STILL FEEL ALONE WHEN YOU HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE THAT YOU CAN TRUST BUT YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN'T TALK TO ANY OF THEM BECAUSE YOU WILL BOTHER THEM WHEN YOU HAVE MANY PEOPLE TELLING YOU THAT THEY LOVE YOU AND THEY ARE THERE FOR YOU BUT YOU FEEL AS IF NO ONE CARES IT IS THE WORST TO HAVE EVERYONE HELPING BUT STILL FEEL LONELY
-te

NO ONE SEES THE STRUGGLING ALL THEY SEE IS THE BIG FAT SMILE YOU WEAR ALL DAY BUT LITTLE DO THEY KNOW THAT IT IS JUST A FAKE ONE YOU SLAP ON EVERY MORNING TO FOOL EVERYONE AND THEY ACTUALLY FALL FOR IT ONE DAY I SHOULDN'T WEAR IT AND SEE HOW MANY PEOPLE LOOK AT ME DIFFERENTLY AS I SHOW THEM HOW I REALLY FEEL TO SHOW THEM HOW BAD IT HAS BEEN LATELY BUT THEN AGAIN EVERYONE JUST LOOKS FOR THAT SMILE AND IF THEY DON'T SEE IT THEN THEY DON'T BOTHER ASKING WHATS WRONG
-te

it's a bunch of tangled thoughts
all trying to escape
creating huge knots
that I'm unable to break
some are working harder than others
overpowering my head
some are being such a bother
I feel so brain dead
the more knots it creates
the more it hurts
causes me to debate
do I think more just to make it worse?
-te

YOU AND YOUR CHARMING SMILE AND MAGICAL EYES THAT JUST DRAW ME IN.
YOU AND YOUR COMFORTING ARMS AND SOOTHING VOICE THAT CALMS ME
YOU AND YOUR EVERYTHING THAT MADE ME SO ATTACHED TO YOU
-te

I MISS YOU SO **** MUCH AND IT IS KILLING ME INSIDE TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE OUT THERE LOOKING FOR A NEW GIRL TO BE WITH NOT EVEN THINKING ONCE ABOUT ME AND OUR PAST I MISS YOU SO **** MUCH AND YOU WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW BECAUSE WE DONT TALK AT ALL AND I HATE THAT!
-te

I hear your name
And my heart breaks a little bit more
I see your face
And my body aches a little bit more
I can't go a day without wanting to be with you
Holding you tight
Having your scent stick to my clothes
I can't stop replaying our best moments in my head
I can't stop the video
Over and over and over again
You said you loved me
Why would I believe you?
-te

They say love cures all
The heart and soul come together
What they don't know is that sometimes we fall
And the pieces come crashing down like a feather
The heart breaks like a piece of glass
Breaking away into tiny shards
The soul vanishes into gas
Spreading over many yards
Leaves the person stuck
Not knowing what to do
Feeling like they are out of luck
Has them feeling very blue
They say love cures all
Once the person has broken down their wall
-te

Can you make me feel like a summer day breeze
Instead of a stormy night cloud
Can you show me the snow but not let me freeze
Instead the crashing lightning that is so loud
Will you write me a poem to express your love
Or will you not even call when you're going to sleep
Will you compare me to a beautiful dove
Or will you leave me alone to weep
Did you buy me flowers on our special day
Rather than going out with the boys all night long
Did you make the reservation at the cafe
Rather than playing beer pong
Can, will and did
Were my dreams since I was a kid
-te

My eyes lit up like an entire city when you walked through those doors
I have never seen someone so amazing before
I could not believe that I was all yours
I knew I couldn't lose you because we had swore.
To have and to hold each other's hands
Through thick and thin and all of it within
We have been brought together with these metal bands
But back to reality, I realized my life took a spin
There was no more " I love you" at night
While I laid there alone waiting
I was hoping to wake up and your face be in my sight.
Because this whole time I've been debating
Does love overpower
When it isn't right anymore
-te

The tears are starting to hurt
Starting to burn
As they roll down my face
Thinking of you
Is what leaves me like this
At midnight
Every single evening
Just hoping I can have you again
Even when I know it's impossible
Impossible for things to be good for me
For things to ever go my way
-te

I lay here with 9,000 thoughts going through my head
I lay here with 1 thousand thoughts about school and my grades.
The number of bad grades and the times I've made honour roll.
I lay here with 2 thousand thoughts about my friends and their lives.
The ones who have stayed and made my life 10x more exciting
I lay here with 3 thousand thoughts about my future and how it will turn out.
The amount of things I will be able to accomplish and the things I will learn.
I lay here with 2 thousand thoughts about my family and how much they have impacted me
The amount of love being brought Into my life because of them.
I lay here with 1 thousand thoughts about you and our story
The memories we created and the times we shared
I lay here with 9,000 thoughts
And they are all keeping me up at night.
-te

The feeling of being trapped
Trapped in this world
This school,
Trapped in my mind.
There is no escape.
Learn, learn, learn
It is so hard to breath.
Nobody sees,
Sees how it is,
How I am,
How hard it is to concentrate.
When you hear all these voices
"Do better!"
"Don't stress"
"It's easy"
"Think of your future"
My future seems to be a blur,
I have no way of escaping,
To reality
-te

I have an obsession with the sky
The way the sun shines through the clouds
The sun is so bright
Making everything light up
I have an obsession with the sky
Simply because it is limitless
Once you go up there is no stopping
I stare up there everyday
Wishing I could go up
Get away from down here
I have an obsession with the sky
Because it is my escape
-te

Not sure who I miss anymore in my crazy life
-te

I love people
They can be so welcoming
Letting you into their lives
Showing you the crooks and crannies of everything inside
Making you feel like you are the most special person
To be seeing all of this
But then again they can turn around
And shut you out
Tell you to never come back
Because they don't like you
Making you believe you are not worthy
to see anymore
It's rude in a way
So I guess I hate people
-te

what is life?
are we actually all living?
we all have this planned life we want to have;
finish school,
have a good job,
get married,
have kids,
grow old,
then die.
Its a routine,
designed for us to live
a "happy life"
how many of us are actually happy
how many people can truthfully say
"I'm happy and I love my life."
not many, I'm sure.
We all say to make the best of things
to live in the present.
you only live once,
take risks and never regret anything you do.
But some people, are just tired
tired of taking risks and it ending badly
having to regret things they have done,
since it changed them drastically.
I say that we should try to live life as much as we can,
we could die any moment,
and as much of us are sad a lot, or say
"I wanna die."
Only some truly mean it.
This isn't living,
its surviving.
-te

I gave you my all that day
My heart
And my soul
The one thing many people wait to do until they are much older
We had a connection
Which you could feel through your fingertips
And every time you touched me
It was electricity
Electricity through our skin
Through our veins
It was electricity of our love
I gave you my all that day
And now that's thrown away
It may have happened fast
It may have happened where no one would expect
But it was still special
In our hearts
How do you give up something like that..
How do you break up with someone knowing they gave you their all
How at 15 years old did you not realize that was so special to me
I did not regret it
I still don't regret it
But maybe,
Just maybe,
You could've stuck around a little longer with me
I gave you my all that day
-te

DON'T TELL ME YOU LOVED ME
DON'T ACT LIKE YOU CARE
BECAUSE IF YOU DID LOVE ME
OR CARE FOR MY SOUL
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE GAVE UP
LEAVING ME DANGLING HERE ALONE
DON'T SAY THAT YOU MISS ME
DON'T TRY TO MAKE THINGS BETTER
BECAUSE IF YOU DO MISS ME OR WANTED THINGS BETTER
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE DISSAPPEARED AND MADE ME TRY TO FORGET
I THOUGHT IT WAS DIFFERENT THIS TIME
AND SO I HOPED YOU WERE THE ONE
BUT TURNS OUT YOU LEAVING CAN'T JUST BE UNDONE
-te

You understood me
You made me happy
You made me think things were going to be different this time,
That not all guys leave after a few months,
Not all guys get tired of me
You may have lost feelings, and that is my fault
I'm sorry I'm so broken, it's hard to keep up
I didn't want this to happen
I thought it would be different this time
To have a guy truly love me
To have him care for me
In ways no one else could
For him to show that everything will be okay
And I just have to stay on this earth to see the amazing things
For him to actually make me think about my future positively
With him
For me to think that things get better if I'm with him
My feelings only got stronger over time
And this was a shock
-te

some days I get so bad
so sad
my demons are here
saying hello
their shadows are starting to grow
overcasting me
I need to flee
where else can I go
they are everywhere I look
everywhere I turn
can they all just burn?
moments like this
i sit still
feeling so ill
I am not able to do anything
all i feel is a sting
a tingle
where I want to be hurt
an urge so strong
things become a blur
I try so hard to resist
blast the music
fizz out the voices
focus on anything but it
but there I sit
hands around my neck
feeling like such a wreck
tears falling
like a water fall
I sit there and just bawl..
-te

It's hard to forget sometimes ,
Everything that's happened
Especially when it effected me so much.
It's hard to forget the heartbreaks
The lonely nights
The times I felt like I was all I had
And even then not be completely sure.
It's hard to forget the friends
That I lost over such stupid reasons
Friends that I had amazing memories with.
It's hard to forget the reason I have these scars,
As they made me who I am today.
-te

I miss you
Your touch
The way your thumb rubs against mine when we hold hands
The way you hold my waist when we kiss
The way you hold me when we hug
I miss your voice
The way you sing to me my favourite songs
The way you say my name
The way you mock me when I do something weird
I miss you
The way you smile when I say certain things
The way you kiss me multiple times in a row
The way you stare at me with your nice eyes.
I miss you
When you hang up the phone
When you walk out the door
And even when you say goodnight
I miss you
-te

I just miss the old days.
Where there was no worries
when I didn't feel like this
suffocated.
by family
by friends
by school
by my future
what if I don't want a future
what if the only reason I'm staying right now is because people need me
my sister especially
she needs me here to help her through her troubles
I wonder what she's going to be like when she's my age
I really hope she doesn't turn out like me.
I hope she ends up being happy..
-te

I sit here in the dark
forcing my eyes to fix images
images in the darkness
all I see is the monsters
that keep destroying me
why is it so hard to get rid of them
I'm alone
in the dark
tears streaming down my face
the monsters are so cruel
saying remarks like
"you are so ugly, you fat troll"
"just continue pressing that blade against your skin"
"no one wants you here"
its so hard to tune them out when I know it's all true
I can't wait until I'm dead
so my only peaceful place isn't just my bed
I need to get away from this fast
because I really don't know how much longer I can last
-te

I could stare at you all day
Just watching your ****** expressions
The way you get so into what you are doing
The way your eyebrows  scrunch up when you are confused
The way you lick your lips
And even the way your eyes glisten when you are watching me
I could never get tired of staring at you either
Makes me feel like I know you better, understand you better
You make me so happy
You don't judge me
I think I might be
In love with you
-te

It's always scary finding out the truth
Especially when it's not what you want to hear
Making you want to just disappear.
Hearing something that hurts so bad
You have to pretend you aren't sad.
Something that you wouldn't believe
Makes that someone , something you peeve
Once you realize it could be true
Or even that you always knew
Just didn't want to admit
Because of how hard it is to quit
-te

Sometimes it's hard
To help out
Sometimes it's hard
To try and understand what you are going through
Sometimes it's hard
For me
With the thoughts and emotions taking over
Sometimes it's hard
For me
To give you advice when I **** at helping people
Sometimes it's really hard
To think you love me
Sometimes it's really hard
To expect anyone to love me for the way I am
It's very hard
-te

Do you ever think that maybe there is someone out there for you?
Someone you are going to spend your whole life with.
Someone who will love and cherish you with all their heart ,
And you may not even know It but they just know you are the person for them
You are their soulmate
And it may take awhile for you to realize that they are your
Soulmate too
It may take awhile for you to realize the little things they do like
Holding the door open for you
Buying you a hot chocolate with little marshmallows just the way you like It
Maybe even singing that song you love extra loud while you two dance and dance and dance
It could be the way they mock the way you talk just to make you laugh
Or even play with your hair until you fall asleep.
Takes time for someone to know how special those things are,
How much love is put into them
When you do figure these things out,
You have probably moved on to someone else..
Not knowing what you had right infront of you
-te

Waking up in the middle of the night
And you on my mind
Is dangerous
My emotions go everywhere
Overthinking everything that we have overcome
And the one thing that sticks in my mind is that one day
That one day we met up after the breakup
After summer time
That one day where we both missed each other
And you thought you could get a second chance
That day made me realize something
Something that I knew before but had forgotten
Your love
Your sweetness, your hugs, your kisses, the way you make fun of the things I say just so I will get irritated and hit you and you will
Just kiss me !
And it would be so cute
I realized that you always let me talk and try to understand what I'm saying
I realized how much you cared about me
And when I was realizing all of this,
I realized that I never wish we broke up in the first place.
-te

It's hard to function properly when you have
People always
Nagging at you
For school
At home
With friends
Sometimes it's too much to handle