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She named me "Joy" so I can bring happiness to her

But I turned out to be the black sheep of the family.

I never wanted to be the reason for her sorrows and cries

But I couldn't even make her smile for once.
The tears keep rolling
down as mind
sabotages my joy.
I drown into the
pools of inky fear
to save what is
left of my mind.
sometimes you just let go of what troubles you and save what is left. Find happiness in that what is left. Sometimes your mind can be your worst enemy that ever existed; who sabotages your every action to be happy.
 Jul 2020 Tereza Balatková
Julia
you have stars in your eyes
but i am only the night sky
so far from your reach
i am always denied
Everyday I think of ways to get you back.
Ways that would make you smile,
Ways that would make you sad,
Ways that would make you regret, and
Ways that would make you feel guilty.

Everyday I think that maybe if you just saw me, everything would go back to normal.
Maybe if I just showed up to your house one night and knocked on your window,
Then you would see how much I still love you.
I could hold you in my arms again to show you what it feels like to be held by someone who loves you more than themself.

But I know that wouldn't help.
It would just make things worse.
Because I don't want you back if you're only here because you feel bad for me.
I want you back because you love me and can't live without me.

But now I know that you can live happily without me.
Too bad I can't live without you.
unspoken words,
years of silence

it is time
to spread my wings

to embrace;

i am transgender
Don't you just love it whenever
Everything comes together?
When despite all your fears and doubts
Your hard work pays off, things work out!

The feeling is a special one,
That feeling of a job well done.
For though 'twas hard, you stuck at it;
Though you could have, you did not quit!
If we don’t deal with our hurts it will destroy our heart
So I’ve be told
But I’ve been hurting for so long
It has already corrupted my soul
Can be good, can be bad
But oftenly sad.
A past we once had,
A time I can't bring back.

Your voice keep ringing in my head,
When will this ever end?
Is this what I get?
For loving you till the end...

I trusted you,
I thaught you were true...
Why didn't I saw through,
Your love that is too few.

Oh how silly
For you I still worry
Burden I no longer carry
But my chest is still heavy.

Everything I see
Reminds me of what we used to be
Still hoping for you to be with me
Even knowing it could never be.

I've been so depressed
This must be the greatest
Putting my sanity into test
I hope it will be less.
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