i lay awake at night
reminiscing on beautiful memories
until a snag sticks out of the corner of my recollections
my throat collapses tightly
like the tragedy i'm meant to fade into

for 5 years i've been trying to put together
the mystery of how you looked at me
i keep trying to seal my eyes with your love
but i am clouded by the haunting reality
that what i want will never be

i will always remember
how you held my thin wrists
my veins pulsating through my skin to yours
and how such tiny hands
could grasp the entirety of my heart

i remember the poetry you spoke
word after word
they built up a passion inside i thought i had lost
you showed me what the world was worth

but then the world split into two
just like my heart
you fell in love, and i was lost again
the ground swallowed me whole

but no matter the whereabouts
of the sheets that cover up the scars i have succumbed
i will lay awake reminiscing the beauty of these memories

of how i had fallen in love

n.j.

You are my other half
You are my closest friend
I hope that I'm with you until the end
I am enjoying my time with you
Please don't let it stop
I don't know what I would do
If I didn't have you

She taints everything,
Your smile, your eyes.
Things that used to fill me with joy,
Now make me think of her.
I want you to be happy,
But this is becoming too much to bear.

Seeing her in your arms every day,
Watching as you push back her
Too-bleached hair and kiss
Her forehead the way you did mine.
Seeing you whisper small words
Of love in her ear, words
I can still hear so clearly in my own.

I miss everything about you.
Feeling your arms around my waist
And your soft lips on my cheek,
Keeping me in your lap for what
Felt like forever.

But forever is nothing but
Something we made up
In our foolish minds,
Clouded with the idea of young love.

When I look at you, I see the
Hundreds of smiles she’s put on
Your face when all I could was a scowl.
I hear the words of love she gives you,
When all I could do was curse.

But she doesn’t know how you felt
The day your mother died.
She’s never sat next to you
While you were in a hospital bed
Covered in tubes and wires after
An accident that only you survived.
She wasn’t the one comforting you
Every night when you woke up screaming.

Your relationship with her is easy,
You can just be together without
The stress that we had.

I don’t regret helping you through that,
I just wish I had thought to help us in the process.

My knees start to shake
When you’re in sight.
My Mind filled with wonder,
My Heart with fright.

When will this feeling stop?
When did this feeling start?
How can I listen to my mind?
Without breaking my heart?

Im so Confused
I don’t know what to do.
I can’t think of anything
Except for you.

Should I ignore you?
Or just give it time
I can’t think straight,
My heart is controlling my mind.