I hear the cry in your eyes
I feel your longing for peace

Am I as helpless as I fear you think I am?
If three syllables could move this mountain,

I’d scream it out loud,
mending our wounds,

Yours a worried soul,
Mine a unsettled heart.


<c.h.b.>

It’s still there
The void inside
Dark and cavernous
Ready to draw me down

I thought I had dealt with this
But I just papered it over
Trying to be normal
Trying to survive

It doesn’t take much
To bust it open
To send me running
Looking to hide

There seems no end
To the grief I hold
It carries me with it
Lost and out of control

It’s not your fault
It was there before
Wounds from my past
Which have emptied me out

It’s time to face it
Go deep and howl
Let the sorrows out
Let the torrents flow

Surrendering thus
The endless waters calm
And in this moment
The light of love shines through

Cold and wintery the light
Penetrates my heart
I smile as I realize
I will always love you

My feelings etch the page
With each tear that falls from my face

The pictures form
From the blood pooling out of the cuts on my hands

How was I supposed to know you would break me?
Or that my own pieces would cut me?

I just wanted to put them back together
So I didn't feel so empty
So I could be whole again

Some woundes can’t be healed with love.
Especially those which were made by the hands of anger.

Sensitive mind to all the pain.  
Words dig in like knifes and leave my body to bleed
Tears flow like evening rain
Never to stop
I never asked to become sensitive to words you say.  
But I never asked for you to bully me this way.  
Pushed this way and that.  
And used as a mat.  
I can only take so many wounds to myself.  
From your words.  
And how you treat me.  
Before I break into a million prices.  
And no one can ever fix me.

I want to fight.
Yea,
I admit it.
Assault slippin’ from my tongue.
My mind whirls thoughts
into the shape of silver bullets
for a gun that’s ready to fire.
Inflicting pain
is what I desire.
My throat is on fire ,
while my heart weeps.
I need my teeth to protect  
on the frontline,
so I can fight with honor
for this heart of mine.
A heart of gold ,
that has grown to be
bold
during it’s time crawling
through trenches
and scraping by
broken fences.
Over the years,
I’ve increased my defenses
because my lion of gold
is defenseless;
so tender,
so eager,
so loving;
it will get eaten alive
in this world of
killers and thieves.
Walking around
these grounds unguarded
is suicide.

Do you sit in the corner,
and gaze around in greyness?
Does this universe too
smother your breaths?
Does pain palpate your wounds?
Do you yell over your own wrecks?
Are you as empty as I am?
Dear life, are you too lifeless?

i miss the girl I was
the one who trusted Paul and Mike
the cousin and the uncle
because they always hanged out in the house
and narrated a lot of stories
because they complemented my transition to womanhood
and looked forward to meeting my husband
i miss the girl I was
before they did the same thing at differently
before my favorite dress became tatters
before I screamed till I fainted
before the **** and the bleeding and the crying
before fear for men became a second skin
before sleep became something I couldn't afford
before incessant hooting set a tent in my head
i miss those days,
by the pool and porch,
swimming and laying on the grass to dry
sipping juice during Christmas eve
i miss those days,
especially 10th July and 24th September
i miss those days,
when I was their blood
and they wanted the best for family
if you happen to see those days
or my first face,
tell them and her I miss them
I just do.