I'm not sure why I always set myself up.
Handing over my love, like it's an overflowing cup.

I don't know how I still find a way to trust,
thinking this time will be better and giving in to lust.

I wish I was whole, not broken and just glued together.
I want to believe it when someone finally promises forever.

I don't want another lesson, another passing ship.
I wanted your love, that's only part of it.

I wanted quiet evenings in each other's arms,
I wanted lazy weekends- snoozing our alarms.

I wanted understanding and a knowing touch.
I wanted a lover who didn't think I was too much.

I wanted sleepless nights, messing up the sheets.
I wanted new adventures, strolling through the streets.

I wanted hands who could hold tightly on to my own,
I wanted a heart that was not afraid to be shown.

I wanted virtual voyages in our favorite games.
I wanted shared memes, that's us, and silly names.

I wanted more memories scorched into my heart.
I wanted a lifetime, not to be so suddenly torn apart.

I wanted the dreams and hopes we co-created.
I wanted to believe this meeting was fated.

I wanted to give you all of me- my heart, body, and soul.
I wanted reciprocity, no need to ask or pay a heavy toll.

But did you ever want the same?
You once told me you did.
Was this just a game?
Why did you open me up and throw away the lid?

I miss your hand in mine.
Your skin on my skin.
The way your dark coffee eyes shine.
Your voice, a melody, I was always sinking in.

You once asked me how to win my heart.
You held it in your hands, the moment I felt our first spark.

I can't say you made me weak, for you actually made me strong.
I was losing myself before we met, but I was saved by our song.

So suddenly, you were lost, I didn't know what to do.
In the end all I really wanted was you. </3

hey dad
i knew talking to you was pointless
cause you still think you were right.

you don't wanna know my hurt.
you don't want to understand the pain and agony in my head, in my heart because you never cared enough to ask.
you never even tried to be there.
none of you did.

where were you when the leaves fell off the trees like the tears from my eyes in the cold winter air as you smoked away your problems.
as you smoked away me.
one puff more as i begged you to stop, but of course you didn't.
you never listened to me anyways.

threaten to put your hands on me.
you always seemed to fix your problems with drugs and violence.
every excuse is a new step towards the breaking point.
the breaking point is what i'm scared of.

its like every hurtful word is another blade on my skin.
crimson blood puddles flowing out of every crack you left in me.
if my own father left me.. how am i supposed to trust that no one else will?

it seems i cant be happy.
whenever it gets better, i fall back down into the dark.
broken even more as i smack down at the bottom of the pit.
in my
𝓬𝓸𝓵𝓭.
𝓮𝓶𝓹𝓽𝔂.
𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓭.
left alone
again

you scorched the burning hate in my soul for anyone like you.
you showed me that no one can change.
not even after my 14 years of life, have you changed.

i hope you feel your empty soul ache as you see me finally happy that i let you go.

i hope you break as you hold the little necklace i held so dear to me.

i hope you feel your heart rot as your kids go on to live their lives without you.

i hope you are happy.



:)