What I've learned is that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you were the prettiest, had the most boyfriends, or even was the smartest. It doesn't matter if you are rich, poor, vegan, white, black... All these categories, created in an effort to limit people and attempt to understand them-- in the time we have on Earth. Enjoy. Live. Do whatever you want. And if you want other people to be part of your story, journey, adventure-- whatever you want to call it-- do it... why not? Stop being the impediment that keeps you from pursuing your dreams. Stop saying "tomorrow" because it isn't guaranteed. One day will be your last day. And you won't know it when the dawn comes that it will be your last one, and that when the last trace of sunshine fades from the sky and the stars appear in the night sky, freckles on God's face, and you close your eyes, and you just never wake up. Cease to exist. Eternally.

A little boy without anyone
Stood alone in the playground
He was taller than most
And wore the same blue varsity jacket
Oversized, just like him
Cast away and dull
Like the monotonous life he could have led.
But instead of choosing to be sad,
Desolated and scared,
He was happy.

He tried playing with all the the schoolchildren.
He tried pushing the girls on the swings.
Mothers weren’t too happy about that.
He tried playing basketball with the boys.
Fathers weren’t too happy about that.

A little boy who looked like an adult
Lived a lone wolf life while still a pup.
Although he was everyone’s friend,
I don’t recall anyone being his.

Even I forgot about him.
Until.
Last week. Car accident.
He died too young.
Still a child.

But he was happy.
Happier than most will be in their lifetimes.

-m.m.

Do we matter?

I am me. I am the girl crying on the bathroom floor wishing she never existed. I am the boring sister, the unwanted daughter, and the distant friend. I am the bitter insults from my mothers mouth. I am the guilt from my chest when I bite back too hard. I am the music I rely on to survive. I am the dull foggy days and the long lonely nights I love so much. I am the one no one can hate and the one no one can love. I am the the broken but the not broken enough. I am the tangled collection of thoughts, weaving through one another in my mess of a mind. I am the hopeless future, I am the high expectancies. I am the too-pretty-to-be-ugly and the too-ugly-to-be-pretty. I am the 3am figure stuck to the couch. I am the weight in my chest. I am the hard mornings. I am the restless nights. I am the lost humour, the lost smiles, the lost joy. I am the lost cause.