i am not a metaphor
for the cracked sidewalk
that sprawls outside my door
growing unwanted weeds,
littered with faults and things
people don't want anymore

i am nothing like the sidewalk
my heart is not made of cement
and it is not used to being walked on
yes, i have faults, but i was not made
to be stepped on repeatedly
because i am human, not asphalt
and my heart is often stuck in my throat,
not steady enough for your heavy words-
not built for your harsh footsteps

i am not a metaphor
for the card games that are played
in rundown casinos
filled with bustling people
with foreheads gleaming sweat,
the sole ambition to conquer the first prize-
people just like you

i am nothing like the card games
and i can't keep pretending that
nothing bothers me, with
a permanent poker face
and always settling to be the sore loser
because i've spent too many forevers
hidden under your shadow,
and it's about time that i pulled a joker
because i am tired of always letting you win

i guess he did win...

*** i miss you so much&

i wish u were with me making me sin.

Out of the oblivion they crawled
Death’s voice beckoned and called
Out of the oblivion they stumbled
A mass of bewildered  people fumbled

Their eyes ablaze with fire
No one gave up or tired
The shepherd, a sign of hope
The shepherd, a reason to cope

Though Death had beckoned once more
The troops fought on with a battle-cry roar
Their swords held high
The shepherd led the goodbye

Death beckoned for the last time and took a mighty tole
The living left to grieve the poor souls
But the shepherd carried on
And led the troops as one

The battle finally ending
People needing care and mending
The shepherd told the troops to fight on
To never loose sight of the light and rage on!

Some say
That with victory – a continuity is required.
To win, you must, win, and win again
You claim each battle as your own ‘til life
meets its end.

I bask in these triumphs as much as the next
Relish the sick clang as the hilt gripped between my fingers
Wobbles with each and every blow
To an enemy’s weakened defence

As I watch rival fortresses vanish
In the smouldering chimney puff
That follows the blaze of the bomb

                        just like that.
Boom. Do you see that? Look. It’s gone.

Last moments in castle courtyards
As medals of valour are draped
Round the veins of my neck.
(Look what I can do. I am powerful.
                                                       ­  Or so I thought.)

No soldier is prepared for this.
The battle of the mind
Sharpened sword is useless
Throw your armour to the floor
No protection can be given
Clouds swell like balloons and blacken the corners
Of your brain
Eating from the edge like parasites
And this, I fight unarmoured.
Unarmed
And petrified.

So no.
I can’t say I agree.
To me
A victory
Does not entail an ounce of continuity.

For myself, any achievement
Is a success
No matter how large
How small
How scattered or random
Or spaced over time
If I can make it through the day
With a smile on my face
Sweet Victory, it’s mine.

I know her
That of which your heart is made,
That for whom it beats,
That for whom it bleeds.
She is forever scarred
Into your skin
Like a one-winged
Butterfly tattoo.
Your dream lays
Where she sleeps,
Where she breaths
Soft and neat.
Your passion lives
Where her attention
Is yours for hours
And you long for years
To trade her fears
For heavy tears.

And you long for her smile,
Her laughter
For only a short while.

But your pain expands
Where mine also does.
My shattered heart and I
Know you, feel you
For you are broken
Just like us.


F.Z.N

Angels, in heaven
I am just a mortal man,
I wield power above the common score
Angels, in heaven
I have done what I can,
It’s hard to think of the sick and poor

So tell me, please Angels,
How can I be so taught and hard,
In the end it’s just a raging fight
I touch it, I taste it,
From fire and blood I am so scarred,
Believe I still contain immortal light

Like anger,
Furious anger,
The anger lives inside
It drives me,
This dagger,
Within me it resides
Was it my choice-
I gave the sound-
Which burned them all
Brought them to the ground
Was it my choice-
They had to die-
The sick and helpless slaughtered
For a lie

Forgive me, dear Angels
At some point I will go,
At some point I will reach the end
Don’t abandon me here,
Don’t push me down to sink so low
The things I’ve done you can surely mend

Like Anger,
Dark anger,
My soul is full of sin
The world is,
A stranger,
I must die or I must win

Angels please just see me.
Angels please just take me.
For I must die or I must win