Though I wanted to have
each and every patch of earth,
Now it’s clear I need none.
I am good to go with empty hands.
But one that has none
doesn’t that have any pain?
No skin nor veins?

Going with empty hands
but with feelings and with faith.
Perhaps the belief puts weight
more than the mass of any land!

my body weighs more than a number.

my body is the weight of the sea -- the stars, moon, and galaxies dancing around the corners of my soul.

my body weighs more than a number.

my worth is the airplane rides, deep conversations, dancing, laughing, crying.

my body weighs more than a number.

my legs have taken me across worlds of sea, land, and mountains.
my arms have hugged. my lips have kissed. my hair has been washed in salt water and seaweed. my fingers have playing white and black keys, painted, created and traced the corners of his palms.

my body weighs more than a number.
my value weighs more than a number.
I am m o r e than a number.

Dear book weight,
I dreamt of you
As my sweet fate

Dressed all on burgundy
Bragged of those elegant seams
Those that made you candy

And as foolish as it seems
A great desire awoke in me

I had no money to spare
Maybe,
Only if I miss my bread

So in a summer night
I swapped three meals
for your delight

"It is not even windy,"
My mother said,
"why would you want that instead?"

"I dream of windy nights,"
I replied
"one day my pages will try to fly"

What if my thoughts have no ground?
Who will plant True words in my mouth?

Only something heavy enough
Something that could make me tough

You!
My elegant book weight
The things I'd do for you
Throw my phone out the gate
'cause my purse can hold a few

Off it goes
On the rue

Now come on
Inside my purse

~          *           ~

Dear book weight,
It's January and its Winds
They've come to haunt me

But they don't know
I am ready

No longer a boat without anchor
You hold me down on earth
No longer in need of my rancor
to daunt me from my death

"Is this really how you want to present yourself?"

I know I'm fat
I know the clothes are clinging to my body rolls
I know I have a muffin top
I know that I have to shop in the "big" section

Because my body was never good enough
And in those rare moments when it was enough for me
Someone would make my confidence
Crash to the ground

Even if I like the clothes
Even if I like shape
My body will always fail for being
"too big"

If I stop eating, will it be enough?
If I go to the gym until I faint, will it be enough?
If you can see my ribs, will it be enough?
When will I be enough for you ...

Mom

jeans that are a little bit too tight
numbers on the scale that you have to fight
she wanted it badly, she stayed up all night
to her, the future seemed bright

online articles about low-calorie diets
no-carb, low-carb, high-protein try-its
she thought it was the perfect way
to lose that extra layer, so they say

she noticed it working on tuesday at noon
it was working, working so soon
she was pleased with the results it gave
soon it became less to eat and more to crave

she thought she had it all under control
who cares if she ate less than one bowl?
she never ate until she was full
soon she faded away and her eyes became dull

I hear the cry in your eyes
I feel your longing for peace

Am I as helpless as I fear you think I am?
If three syllables could move this mountain,

I’d scream it out loud,
mending our wounds,

Yours a worried soul,
Mine a unsettled heart.


<c.h.b.>