I once played a game of cards with the devil, under a blood red moon upon the lake of our lady Babylon. With a grin, the devil did win, for his hand had totally waisted me.

Shower time- It's better than normal time. Especially with the smell of herb in your head. Step out. Dry off. Hit the herb again. It's time to start the day.

I ingest 3 cups of coffee, and hit the herb again. Then I start my day. I go out into the world. Out there where it is cold. Out there to slave the day away just to do it again the next day.

Please tell me that there is something more than this. I beg, but I get nothing.Maybe in the end, that is all there really is... Nothing. This thought's cold logic sinks in, and I am sick.

Sick of things done in repetition to no end. Tired of hearing the same one line joke day in and day out.

Welcome to my store.

Can I get you any more?

Thank you, come again... and again... and again...

I can not take it any more!

Oh, wait! It's time to clock out.

Hear how the pen scratches the paper. Rolling on fragments of thought. Dripping with the same ink as yesterday. I am bleeding all over this notebook. Could I ever write loud enough, so that somebody could hear me screaming?

I once played a game of cards with the devil, under a blood red moon upon the lake of our lady Babylon. Plain and clean, the devil's hand was mean, for it had totally waisted me.

Exhale~
A cloud of white leaving your lungs,
along with the weight of the world on your shoulders,
the stress of a long day,
the loneliness you face every second.
The drug becomes your partner,
the only stable part of your life.

Exhale~
A cloud of white leaving your lungs,
along with these emotions you don’t want to face,
the emotions that bring you to a dark place,
that even antidepressants can’t fix.

Exhale~
A cloud of white leaving your lungs,
Sinking sinking sinking
into your seat.
Falling falling falling
out of touch with reality.

Exhale~
A cloud of white leaving your lungs
Cannot wait to get out of my head.
Is this even enjoyable anymore?
Or am I just hiding from myself?

Exhale~
You need to stop

Exhale~
Why can’t you stop

Exhale~
Where did I go
Who am I
What have I become

I had fun creating a fairy garden
but now it drives me crazy
I have to pull every single ****
my fairies all are lazy

Night & her infernal hues
push the caffeine drip.
I'm caffeinated.

Night & her peyote cues
push the whole world flat.
I'm gelatinous.

Goo, yes, goo.
Star
to form
to dust
to mud.

Night & her violet light
guide me in to silence.

Silence but
for the strike
of a Clipper
or the pop of a
bottle top or
the rip of a
zipper.

I wake up to a heavy chest
A heavy heart and a heavy head
I want to text you back
But I can't force myself to move
I sit up and put my head between my knees
Regretting the stupid things I did the night before
Wondering where my self-care went
Yes I'm still working out and meditating
But I also haven't been sober for awhile
I know the drugs make me sad
And I know they make me overeat
Which in turn makes me feel bad
So why can't I just stop?
Why can't I just feel this pain?
Why do I have to drown it out
In liquor and THC?
I feel so lost
I don't know who I am
I don't know how to feel anything
Without hurting myself again

12 | Heartbreak in Hatfield

I just wanted to create a few unforgettable memories.
Every night we mixed *****, love, ***, **** and Hennessy.
After all this time, I do not know why I am still longing for you.
Even after all the painful and senseless **** you put me through.
I turned my pain into poetry and I haven’t looked back ever since.
I wish you’d never ask about my love life because I could never love or be loved right.

After all this time, I do not know why I am still longing for you.
Even after all the painful and stressful **** you put me through.
I remember you from your beautiful brown eyes down to the empty promises you cursed me with.
I was a lost boy in my youth and I spent most of my precious time blowing smoke in my room.
I hope you have found a way to finally stop smoking cigarettes and drinking ***** like there’s a message in the bottle.
I hope you have finally found peace, love and happiness in this wonderful city called Pretoria.
Everyone in your life changed but I didn’t, I guess you were wrong about me.
It’s June now so while you find comfort in your complacency just know that I’ll be leaving soon.