The nostalgia's been annihilating.
My heart hasn't stopped longing, my chest palpitating,
upon coming across old songs and movies
which remind me of good times of the past.
But in a way, I kind of understand.
I've always been scared of the future—
for I never see myself in them.
you wanted to find
Maybe that was why
breaking my heart.
When you broke it,
but when i said
‘living on the edge,’
this was never
what i meant.
what i meant was real party all night
without parents’ permission;
not a pity party at night
with my self-destructing notions.
what i meant was real rollercoasters,
or go on life adventures;
not roller coasters
of all my life’s emotions.
what i meant was swim in the ocean,
or face my darkest fear.
not an ocean of my
darkest fears face me.
but i when i said
put ‘happy’ and ‘die’ together,
i meant to actually ‘die happy’
not to be ‘happy dying.’
wrote this piece for National Mental Health Week.
how is it
condemnable when we
only choose to
Post-Pride Week blues.
thoughts that this mind creates
At night where these thoughts
Just doesn’t seem to stop.
vibe that this mind brings
At night where the melancholy
appears from out of nowhere.
experiences that this mind relives
At night where secrets
Are out in the open.
Deafening silence that this mind hears
At night where your own heartbeat
seems to be the only sound.
thinking that this mind undergoes
At night where these memories
Are suddenly brought up.
body that this mind controls
At night where the eyes
should be closed.
words that this mind forms
At night where drunken sentences
Are actually sober thoughts.
state that this mind goes through
At night where darkness and
silence slowly kills your soul.
Shut up, thoughts. I am trying to sleep.
A single flower he gave me,
Sent my heart into a flutter.
Had my stomach drown in butterflies;
Made my knees go weaker.
A single flower he gave me
Instantaneously made me remember
The special times I shared with him
And our precious moments together.
A single flower he gave me
Was just like him as I rekindle.
The smoothness, the aesthetic,
The smell so sweet, the love’s symbol.
But that single flower he gave me
Also had thorns which pricked my finger.
I shed a tear like when he broke my heart;
A special flower no longer.
Almost asleep when my phone ticked;
'A notification,' it says.
Your name was there, you liked my photo.
And my stomach drowned in butterflies—
Scratch that—moths, surely they're moths.
Stronger, buzzier, like your power
To occupy and stay in my brain
With that single heart emoji beside your name.
Thinking that the double tap
Is as if you love me just the same.
Shoutout to those whose crushes follow them on instagram. Mine doesn't. :( HAHAHA