You're the source of all my anger.
You were the one who was a ****** mother.
You're sad, you're selfish, you drink every night.
Your words of abuse cut like a knife.
You think you're so tough and you don't give a ****.
Then you try to manipulate; well, tough luck.
I'm not falling for the guilt trips; I know your games.
I refuse to speak with you and I feel no shame.
You think you raised me to have respect.
But you were a tyrant who gave nothing but threats.
I remember being frozen with fear.
You'll never apologize because you don't ******* care.
You're never wrong because you're so ******* perfect.
I don't even matter, I'm just a reject.
You were the reason I cut so many times.
But don't worry, I'm doing just fine.
If you don't change soon you'll lose another kid.
But it's not your fault of course, we're easy to rid.
You're a wreck; completely broken.
You don't even remember how to be human.

Carefully I speak, then silenced in trance of fear,
That you will not be mad if I let out an idea
Nobody here ever seems to want to hear?
Your older and have the money, so but of course,

You fix our food,
Clean the house,
Make the beds,
**** the mouse.

When I want to let my "evil ideas" out,
And tell you what worries me, I must be lost.
So is your world all anyone cares about?
When your "chosen" mess up, I pay the cost?

You do the dishes,
Clean the stove,
Feed the Baby,
Carry the load.

So who ever needed me anyway?
All I do is take up verbal space.
The "world" now "knows that I'm nuts,"
The "wolf" must be me in any case...

You hit me like its fun,
Having you in my life
Is making the strands
Of my sanity come undone.
  
No apologizing, like it was
Ok to smack me up. What have
I done to earn this lack of respect,
I thought you loved me,
Where has it gone.
  
"I could leave you"
"But I have no where to go"
But may be it was only in anger
That you do this,
I don't really know.
  
I wish to heal, the bruising fades,
As well as my hope, you think it
Normal but my life is not as I
Wished, I am nearly lost all hope.
  
A last hit was the one that
Finished the job, where once
There was love, that feling now gone.
I lie still on the floor
The last hit and my life now **gone.

I.

Let me tell you right now that red is my favourite colour
But I got it on with blue, some would say that that’s a blunder
I wonder is… infidelity the vibe of this poem?
Some secret guilt in my mind, that I’ve decided to be owning

Up to, I've got to, spill it out of my heart
I've had no idea what to say, but I've commited to start
A statement that’s an indictment to romantic commitment-
So let’s face it: when it comes to love, haven't all of us been sinning?

At some point, nobody can claim to never ever have smirked
At their own version of the colour red in hoping that it might work
Even though your girl’s colour is blue and you know that this much is true…
You kinda now desire sunsets instead of plain skies; and thus seek a more maroon hue


Skies change with the sun, time influences that
But listen, honestly, what I feel, it’s deeper than that

Blue and red seem only to be opposite colours of the visible spectrum
But actually flow into one another, from point A to B, like a pendulum

So my real problem is denial: I'm not really interested in swinging back
Because whenever I see red again…I can't help thinking that blue is just a fade to black.


And black scares me because it represents…
And black scares me because it represents…
And black scares me because it represents…
And black scares me because it represents…


II.

Literature taught me that cheating is immoral but understandable
From the point of Gatsby and Daisy it’s not even that reprehensible
The thing is, I still see the American Dream in another colour
No red, white and blue and great starry flag of wonder

But being honest to the context I should only omit the white
And keep red and blue; so it follows that my greed is merely self-directed spite
In this way I am suggesting a hint of hatred towards myself
As I’m unable to colour-block my view of my colourless self

I mean that I'm disappointed in being able to reduce
Myself to old, novel characters…as a result I have deduced
That blue and red don't matter when my true colours are grey
I’m ashamed in having even having tried (and failed) to pick (just one).
But all the same…


Skies change with the sun, time influences that
But listen, honestly, what I feel, it’s deeper than that

Blue and red seem only to be opposite colours of the visible spectrum
But actually flow into one another, from point A to B, like a pendulum

So my real problem is denial: I'm not really interested in swinging back
Because whenever I see red again…I can't help thinking that blue is just a fade to black.


And black scares me because it represents…
And black scares me because it represents…
And black scares me because it represents…
And black scares me because it represents…


III.

Though I'm still wishing that… her sunset becomes my sunrise, and envelops the sky
But regretting… her blue fades away, painfully, I’m left to die
As the sun will too soon turn to night, driving me to gentle panic
I know this now: colourless people always beg for a rainbow because they can never have it.

...******.

I apologize to blue for making her feel even bluer.
I apologize to red for using her to make me feel better.
I’m sorry to myself for making myself so bitter.
So suddenly has my soul, become colder than this winter...

Thus the part of the poem where I conclude with the theme
Of the echoes within me which of course are only dead dreams
I had looked to you, red and/or blue, in hoping you could redeem
Me to your world of colour. But present reality is different, which can only mean
That...


Skies changed with the sun, time influenced that
But listen, honestly, what I felt, was deeper than that

Blue and red seemed only to be opposite colours of the visible spectrum
But actually flowed into one another, from point A to B, like a pendulum

So my real problem was denial, I wasn't really interested in swinging back
Because whenever I saw red again… I couldn't help thinking that blue was just a fade to black.


And black scared me because it represented…
And black scared me because it represented…
And black scared me because it represented…
And black scared me because it represented…

Words, once set to open air,
Gain weight.
Like boulders they can roll
from your mouth down a
slippery ***** of destruction to
eventually settle heavily on the shoulders
of innocent individuals, the weight of which
often proving too much for their
fragilely constructed foundations to support.
Like a gun,
keep the safety on what you speak,
Don't point hateful words,
at anything you love,
unless you intend to **** it.
Because more deadly than any
lead based projectile what you say
will leave your mouth like
a tomahawk missile loaded with
a poisonous and corrosive payload
capable of entering a persons soul and eating it up
from the inside out.
They'll tell you your whole life,
"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
Perhaps more people would heed this warning,
If they said,
"Your words are a thermonuclear bomb capable of disintegrating
egos quicker than Fat Man did Nagasaki, the lasting effects of which may resonate through time in a cataclysmic downward spiral you could not possibly begin to imagine, so be careful."

I stacked up these bricks,
to build this wall.
You knocked it down,
to see it fall.

Higher and higher,
brick by brick.
Mortared and solid,
six feet thick.

Your words were explosive,
like gasoline.
Burning me inside,
feeling so mean.

All day and all night,
the barrage never stopped.
Feeling so guilty,
my senses were cropped.

I stood there and took it,
while you were so wild.
I was a boy,
but you were the child.

the little boy*- who speaks in silences and babbles,
and language is still foreign,
please* do not underestimate him for he
is a force
to be
reckoned
with.