Im down that
same old road again
I thought i left it behind
Turns out i was
running in circles
Now I reunite with that
haunted path of mine

I thought i had found
New distractions
A detour from
That place
But it always
Catches up
No matter how far
I run or hide

Everyone is coming
To get me
Catching up from behind
Do i slow down
For them to consume me
Or do i speed up
Until i die

Either way i cannot win
Im a slave to the society
No other route can suffice

I ran towards your light,
Ignoring the hot coals burning beneath my feet,
That you laid out for me,
So the bottoms of my feet would be scarred.
I ran towards your light,
Ignoring the oceans filling my lungs,
That you personally poured in,
So you could watch me drown.
I ran towards your light,
Ignoring the thorns in my sides,
That you wrapped around me,
So you could hold me back.
When clarity hit me,
I ran in the opposite direction,
Even though it was dark,
Because it was safer than you.
When happiness hit me,
You twisted your words,
And wove them through someone else,
To try and bring me back.
But now I know,
That your light is a warning sign,
Something to avoid at all costs,
Unless you want to end up lost.

I couldn't handle your **** anymore.
I was in love with you,
I gave you everything I had,
And you put barely anything into what I called
"Us."

You put on this humorous face,
And vibrant energy,
Told me you loved me,
But where were you?

You threatened me on a normal,
And then played it off
Like a joke,
Like it's funny that women are beat because they don't love someone back.

You told me I was beautiful,
But you also told me to change my appearance and interests,
You also told me my scars were something that had to be erased,
And you told me I was too strange.

You got me high,
But when I tried to speak with you on a deep level,
Or connect with you,
You said "you're ruining my vibe."

I worked hard to please you,
Every time,
But you only did things
To please yourself.

I constantly told you I loved you,
And sometimes,
You just didn't say it back,
You just would look at me and walk away.

When we were alone,
You said I was your girl,
But when in the open,
I wasn't someone.

Your love is toxic,
But many flock to it,
Because you are very good
At being fake.

Your love used to flow through my veins,
It was what made my heart beat.

But when I had to beg for it,
When I had to chase for it,
While also watching you distance yourself from me,
I was done.

And like you always do,
You played it off like the girl is crazy,
Like you never did anything,
Because you cannot see your mistakes,
Even if they are thoroughly explained.

I will never hear from you
"I am sorry,"
But I don't need one to know
That your love was poison.

To the late night train
You hop on and off of
Making frequent stops
Working overnight for your enjoyment
Over worked and used
Is no longer in service
We had to realign ourselves

These lungs have known.
Breathlessness.
A floating feeling that gives pause to struggles.
Experienced wind leave so quickly.
That space seemed to reject life itself.
Even when retracting the icy stalagtites back into a living cadaver.
Did it seem less horrific when under a microscope.
Focusing on a single point makes the big picture invisible.
Hiding behind layers of memories.
Doesn't ensure the years they promised.
Just more things to add to a collage that.
No one.
Will see.
How does one plead with inevitability.
Fate is supposed to come knocking.
But when home is no longer standing.
It looks more like a wave goodbye.
And so these feet come to the next precipice in which was foretold so many pages ago.
How strangely comforting that knowing a pain lessens it's return.
So now it matters very little because it's not an if anymore.
The sign says stop.
But the road is long.
With room for only one.
At least no one will see the tears.

Thought I knew this well.
every step I had to take,
every lie--delivered smiling--I had to sell,
every mindless task, no breaks.

Thought you knew of my own created, designer hell.
watching me falter towards an imaginary goal,
watching my fibs for tells,
watching my to-do list quadruple.

I thought I knew how to quit,
how to snap out of it.
I thought you knew about it,
and how to deal with this ****.

Turns out that neither of us knows jack-squat.
And that's alright, I swear I got this, yeah I'm good, I can do it.
I hoped for you to say something, I thought you knew I was talkin' *******.
Yet, without a word, you left
me to rot.

Dated a boy
A long time ago
Was so obsessed with how I looked
Wanted my hair
Long and thick
And if I wore a croptop
Would throw a fit
Figured out later
After it was over
He was talking to others
And I was just a sidekick
It hurt so bad
To love a boy
Who used me up
And threw me to the side.