and i ache just thinking about it
all those times i needed you and you walked right out the door.
all the soft and tender midnight words i dreamed you had whispered in my ears that were soon replaced with cold lifeless ones.
and i ache
i ache for all the times my heart skipped a beat just to get thrown down the stairs
i ache remembering all those nights that i would lie awake
right next to you.
to be touched
to be looked at
to be held
to be seen
to be felt
in all the throbbing places
just one little kiss
one kind word
a moment of softness
some sort of mercy
and i ache. i shiver and shake
i cry and wonder when i’ll get a break
i cry and wonder when i’ll get a break.
sitting on my little edge
of the world
for someone to see me
to feel my very specific type of ache
to see my words for what they are
to feel the weight of them
to kiss me in all the right places
and say all the right things in the darkness of the night.
I cry out in absolute silence.
I swallow my loneliness.
throw my sadness in a burlap sack weighed down with rocks to toss into the river
no one will ever know the difference .
The fair is dead
The voices are quiet
Here we stand opposite of another
Backs turned with broken hearts.
I think part of me has excepted that I will be alone for awhile
And it's a heavy feeling
An isolating one, but I know somewhere deep down inside my damaged heart that I deserve happiness and I'm not finding it here
I don't feel love anymore
Resistance like a rubber band
You pull it back far enough and it just hurts you in the end
kiss me soft. kiss me soft like midnight rain.
absent most of the time
hardly there in the head
in your head
only in your head
could you exist perfectly
everywhere else you're a mess
let's face the facts the line ends exactly where it started
everything is just simply a beginning and an end
fix my mind
make me a happy child with a wildflower soul
fasten a sunflower mane around the nape of my neck with a safety pin
safe, keep me safe in the dark hours of the night
hold me while i cry out to yesterday
as i remember all the times that slipped through my fingers
break my spine in two, make music for us to dance to by the fire
and i will tell you the whispers of the world
hold me where your heart is, show me the way, into you.
smallest voice in the room
your words quiver as they leave your tongue
everyone is speaking louder then me
with such bravado it shakes the very ground you walk on
and you just want to go home and get away from it all
it feels like you have to put on a show just to interact with people
and you can feel the weight, because you always feel like you need to pretend that everything's okay and that you're happy.
you used to be so brave wearing your heart on your sleeve and speaking your feelings when you were upset and now you're stuck at home afraid about what things could be.
worries are your Wednesday's, your Thursday's and your Friday's.
You wake up at 6 am just to start a new day of stress and no one ever even sees it.
Your needs are last on the list, and not just your basic needs like taking a **** or fresh water, your dreams, your desires and not just today and not just tomorrow, for the next eighteen years.
Some days you will break down and cry because it's just too much and other days you won't feel anything at all. It's just a reaction to stress you tell yourself as if it was perfectly normal to continually feel that way. You ignore the nagging feeling in your gut to get up and do something with your life when you see your friends in ivy league or having there honeymoon trip in Cancun
you put on a smile for family when they come over and see the baby tell them all excitedly about the new things he's doing even though they don't even know the half of it, and if you talk about it you know it will probably get taken the wrong way
Like you're not grateful to be a mother
Like it's not okay to be human sometimes and be upset or tired.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
i am left with the dust bunnies under my bed
Trying to figure out how to talk to the voices in my head
To get them to stop screaming
how can you be so understanding and still so continually misunderstood?
I am so exhausted trying to always explain myself to people who just dont get it
and giving to people who just take it for granted and never give back
I wish things were different, tangible, something broken I could mold with my hands and easily fix
But were lacking in essence, in basic need.. were struggling.
And I can't do anything but watch.
depression stirs awakening from its slumber
You get stressed you dont sleep and dont respond to messages for days
Shut off your phone
Isolate your family
Because even in a room full of people, you have never felt more alone.
my anger will not stop me from being a good person
everyday I wake up with a full heart and a list of good expectations
I don't know how often I have to stress this, but people grow.
you will not be the same person you were yesterday, tomorrow, or the same person you were last week, and its okay if not everyone understands that.
those people who knew you, once knew you but you are not defined by your mistakes or shortcomings
your objective on this planet is to grow, become a better person who makes better choices and not everyone will see that or choose to make better choices for themselves but it is your and only your responsibility to not lose sight of your purpose.
Be kind to others, we are all on a journey that no one knows anything about, no one of us is better then the other.
Fragility is not a weakness it is a different kind of strength
Knowing that things in life will and do hurt and embracing it at a healthy distance is a very real part of growth and acceptance of your small role in this world, compared to the greater scheme of things. I tire of our societies definition of strength and everyone's apathy towards people who are struggling. Working a nine to five like a robot does not make you strong, enduring the pain of life and letting it change or emotionallymcripple you will not make you the strongest person in the room either. It's the stuff no one ever talks about, If you want to know real strength not the kind everyone pretends they know everything about try Embracing your natural sensitive and empathic nature you will learn it is not a crutch like everyone wants you to beileve it is a different kind of awareness of the world it helps you challenge yourself and only in turn grow stronger.
We are inherently sensitive to our surroundings, and when we are watered with happiness and sensitivity
We blossom into something beautiful.
help other people become better humans so we can leave a better world for our children