You told me
to gather all my things
and leave.

I did.
I didn’t hesitate.

It was as if you had opened
the cage door
that had been keeping me trapped.

I guess I’m sorry
it wasn’t me
who said it first.
But I’m glad—
because this time,
I didn’t let the chance
slip away.

I chose you—
different from before.
Not to be saved,
but because in you
I find freedom.

You asked me:
if every card,
every oracle,
God,
every sign
pointed to you—
and my heart
pointed to you—

would I have the courage
to send you the red heart?

Yes.
I have the courage.

Five of Cups.
I keep clinging
to the spilled wine,
wishing it would return
to the glass—
but it never will.

And now I wonder:
which one of them
is the spilled wine?
Which one
can’t I let go?

I feel this force
pulling me down.

What am I doing?
It’s killing me.
I’m hurting so many people.
I’m hurting myself.

I can’t break free from you.
Am I being overdramatic?

You asked me
to simplify the complex.
But I am complex—
I cannot
simplify myself.

I feel betrayed.
You wanted me back
and used faith to lure me in.

And I,
searching for answers in God,
fell for it—
like a fool.

So I came back to you.

I’m so confused.
I feel my body fading.

I confessed my sin—
I was welcomed,
not judged.

But I know
I put myself in a hard place.
I’m hurting you
with my indecision.
I’m hurting you
with my choices.

Part of me just wants
to disappear.
To fade.
To die.

I said I love you.
I still have my doubts about you, L
but I can’t seem
to choose myself first.

I want to run into your arms—
but I need to heal
before I do.

You’ll be so hurt
when you find out
what I’m doing.

And I’m not even thinking about him.
He’ll be hurt too—
but somehow,
your pain
hurts me more.