You have me triggered
Oh, What did you say to me?
You'll always love me?

(alternative title - Hew Seep What Chew Roe)

After drafting previous poem describing effort
to brainstorm (grossly analogous to draining
a swamp), expound, and incorporate avast ga
mutt of threads into fabric when literary in spur
ration most profuse (temporarily exempt from
anxiety, famished and fully rested, perhaps not
necessarily in those exact words nor alphabetized
order) post anorexia nervosa (minus bulemia),

this faux south paw aimed, and beastily strove
to be a two ****** ham handed, double barreled
eating machine way beyond where I could stow
mach, one more forced mouthful of food into
gullet forsaking comfort (at the expense of former
starvation), nonetheless robotically, obsessively,
mechanically knocked worst, imaginary transcept
posts, when unwittingly, ignominiously, and

defiantly disobeying crossing guard (steepled
finger hut arc). Intolerably excessive caloric intake
compensation sans zero sum game when meal time
rolled around. The deliberate refusal to eat (purpose
fully attempted to disappear) undermined requisite
nutriments. Upon supposed recovery from restraining
necessary sustenance, the deficit attrributable depriving
prepubescent body of necessary food attempted

to be counter acted via stuffing my measly under
sized physique way past stated satiation. Despite
feeling sick to the stomach (yet luckily no instances
of regurgitation occurred), a reflexive gorging ceased,
when every other person in the household, (or visiting
friends of parents nobody but this poor soul) remained
painfully pushing forkfuls or spoonfuls of this, that
or other ample menu item. This aha awakening asper

obsessive compulsive disorders prompted loosening
mental restraints, and avoid perfecting burst of
awareness until complete with the epistle. That com
ment mentioned because no intent arose to dash off
another writing assignment. A goal of one missive a
day (to keep...what? Ghosts of past away perchance),
I discipline with some degree of tolerance. Rather
than feel fixated and fanatical (indicative of refraining

from adequate eats, or forcing self to take an excessive
number of platefuls), I accept that maybe some deficit
of energy, a bout of minor unwellness, or fatique means

that obeisance to thee ****** temperament must
be accepted. That philosophy also applies to passions
of exercising and reading. Although a natural euphoria
usually experienced during and/or after the self crafted
routine (best attempted as an natural aide to assist sleep,
which utilization of two ten pound dumb bells alternating
every other late evening with jogging/marching in place.

If you wanna a good laugh, I could possibly rig up some
precarious getup to create a short youtube blog. Until that
time just envision a middle aged older mwm bee bopping
in with the rhythm of music (usually fm 102.9) – soft
decades old rock and roll tunes. Information gets triggered
as of this moment, whereby regular efforts to publicize
the life of one ordinary older chap fuctions therapeutically,
holisitically, cathartically plus an unknown reader may

invisibly share a bond (even if she/he stock key) pertaining
to quandary written in a fashion much more under
stand able than usually the case. Impossible to
categorize style, yet each screenful of purged
sentiments, a sifting how to express emotions, ideas,
thoughts, et cetera seems to settle, akin to a capped jar
of blended tiny pieces of matter, whereby specific gravity deter
mines how lightest to heaviest particles settle according
to unwritten precepts of chemistry and/or physics.

Once you left me,
my life turned into a downward spiral.

I kept tumbling down.

Once you came back to me,
i couldn't regain my balance.

So I dragged you down with me.

The people that raised you want to hurt you
The people you call friends laugh at you
Talking behind your back
You hearing every word
But they don’t care they want you to hear
Poking
Teasing
Slapping
Stabbing
It never seems to stop
You want to end everything to make it go away
Free from pain
Free from suffering
You can’t control what they do
Control is something they have over you
But you found a way to had control
If you don’t eat then you have control
Finally
As weight drops
Your bones become clear and visible to the world
You don’t want to stop
That’s when they start to ask if you're okay
The people that raised you
Your so called friends
They say they are worried about you
But you know it’s fake
They don’t care at all
They never did and they never will
You become this person with great control
But that all comes to a pause when you meet her
You want to get to know her
But you can see the worry in her eyes that is for you
How skinny you have become
And how you have changed
Every day she tries to get you to eat
As you take a bite you can see how happy it is making her
The control you’ve once gained is slowly slipping away
You see what it is doing to your body
You hate it
But you will do it for her
She knows you’re doing it for her
It makes her feel special
She knows yours eating again
But what she doesn’t know is the marks on your ankles
That you have done to yourself
It’s a way of letting the pain go
But she doesn’t see it that way
She sees it that you are hurting yourself
You see how worried this makes her
You need to change
You don’t want to be this person anymore
You tell her so
A smile appears on her face
You will do anything to make her happy
Little do you know
She will do anything
Just to keep you safe