i'm not heartbroken
just a little heart-sprained
i'm not sad
just don't have the happiness i once claimed
i'm not angry
just not as understanding anymore
i'm not bitter
just not as sweet as i was before
i know that with bones, a clean break
is usually better than a sprain
so i just hope
that a heartbreak
than a heart-sprain
time will tell
I tried to be Insta-famous
Half naked, for the attention
High on pillies, money, vacation
With every notification
Filling the void behind my left breast
I worked for it
With body goals like this
Rock solid abs
Icon: fire and 100%
A whole snack
A girl that don't crack
Strip on that pic
Like Cardi B on that pole
Dancing around men
With the only goal of getting rich
Slight curl at the corner of my pillow lips
Feed the feed with self-admiration
It was the meds
or was it?
Only every other photo
Only then you can show
How you could work that camera phone
After taking/tripping on Zoloft and other Anti-Psychotic drugs I was prescribed after my divorce, my ego blew threw the roof. I thought I was the hottest ******* the block -- this is not in my normal personality and it's insane that RX meds can make you into a person who you are not... or are you... lol
Are your eyelashes naturally that long?
No, they're fake.
I was about to say! How much were they?
I don't want to say.
And your nails? How they sparkle in the light.
Aren't they pretty. But they're fake too.
What else is fake?
Come closer to my face.
I was good before the meds
Slightly depressed because I wanted to leave my husband
But other than that, I lived.
Is this me?
Is mania my thing?
How many times do I have to trip before I go back to Bing?
Oh ****, everything is all of a sudden exciting!
Counting numbers like a mathematician
Looking at numbers like they’ll come into fruition
A Beautiful Mind subtracting with ambition
Hey Eleven! Is it 11:11?
Upside down, still 11:11
Oh hey, Porche 9-11
That’s my birthday! 9/11
8:44 I’m going to do it
9:44 I’m going to do it
10:44 weighing my options
44 reasons to pop it
Where did I get these bruises on my legs?
Shortness of breath
A billion needles stinging through my chest
Driving fast and a little wreckless
That’s when I know I need to get checked
I need to be in this bed
Blood sample draining from my head
From another case of miscalibrated meds
This better be the prescription
Otherwise I can’t live knowing my mind can't function
No one ever told me getting high outta my mind till 9 meant that I wasn’t acting fine
Numbing out the pain I can’t remember my name or the numbers we gave
Addicted to the PTSD and the tests you had me take
Leave me in this lost lake and the dreams I believed weren’t fake
I come down for something to make
Fix my hunger with some left overs or some cake
The bottle whispers my name and the percentages got me going insane
Knowing that 14% won’t get you off my brain
Coming at me like a tidal wave
I thought you had me saved
Hallucinating about you rolling up
Getting high on WA-20 and playing the best cuts
I feel so alone so I pull out my iPhone and text:
Purple heart emoji
You don't know me
You never knew me
I was manic me
Did you fall in love with me?
Texting hearts and smiley ****
They're for my crew
And for the love I thought I had with you
Should I drive to the Southside, get lit n both with you?
Should I bring this crew?
Tripping all over you
Its been a minute since we kicked it
so I take another hit and
reminiscing about that spliff and
**** it so you’re not missed and
Let’s play some Post Maloney and get a little toasty
Low-key coasting until we finish that Gold Leaf
Corny as ****, but this is how my mind gets stuck
Wasted Times is what I’m trying to be good at
But can I waste that time with you?
— The End —