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i don't know what's wrong with me
but something was happening so long ago
and it still repeats in my head
makes me want to shut my eyes and go

i don't know what's wrong with me
but i can't talk about it
no matter how hard i try
i'm just to scared to admit that i've been through some ****...

i don't know what's wrong with me
every time i see those awful people
every time there's a loud noise or a crowded room
it just reminds me that the whole world is sheeple

i don't know what's wrong with me
their words repeat in my head in an infinite loop
their mocking keeps coming up
feels like i'm in a boiling *** of trauma soup...

haha i don't ******* know what's wrong with me!!!
Alex May 2023
Dear Dad,
That’s all I ever wanted you to be. A dad, my dad. I didn’t expect you to be a great dad, or even a good dad, but you never made any attempt to be anything close to a dad at all. You did try to be other things to me though. A dictator, a manipulator, even a ****** partner. You may say that I wanted it, you might even actually believe that, but I assure you that my compliance was not an indication of my enjoyment. Compliance was simply the only option you gave me. I saw the way you looked at me long before you ever put your hands on me, but you waited. You waited until you’d pushed me to the brink of insanity. You made me question my reality so much that I’d believe anything you told me. Then on top of that, you found a way to make everyone in our family question every word that I ever uttered in preparation for the day that I’d tell them what you’d done because you knew that eventually, I would. You planned out every piece of what you did so perfectly. Even after I’d come out with the truth you made sure that the walls around me crumbled before yours did. All I ever wanted was for you to be my dad, but you couldn’t even give me that.
L May 2021
[...] and the greater the wound the greater the fang. And, when we experience trauma that is given to us by so many people, we find that we have become every one of them at once. In my body I hold every trauma. In my eye is all of theirs. In the eyes of God, I am an abomination.
Mya Baertlein Mar 2021
What's the worst type of hurt? Was it your first actual boyfriend? Or Was it your First Love? Was it because they cheated and left you broken, asking why? Could it have been one of your parents? Or a grandparent passing away. Was it an aunt or uncle? Did they do something to you? Was it mental or physical abuse? Could it be that guy you didn't actually date? Was it a ***** teacher or coach? Did someone touch you inappropriately? Was it that best friend? Did they betray your trust? Was it a coworker or boss? Could be it have been that stranger?  Who broke you to the point you thought there was no coming back? Which traumatic event of your life made you relook at life and rethink everything? What happened that makes you overthink every relationship you have? What hurt you the most?
Little Bit Jan 2021
Katie runs around the tree
Then into the open
Laughing so freely
But it took her through
The ground
And now I took that
Oak to hold my
Whisky sweet
Because **** it
I need it
And Kelly went to
the field to play
But decided
She couldn’t stay
I hope they made it
Where they were headed
Because
The weight took them
Down too soon
Into the ground
Into the ground
Into the ground
pearl Mar 2020
you were so careful not to leave bruises              
you knew exactly what you were doing                            
so careful not to leave a mark but so insistent
on handling me roughly and reducing me to nothing          
you called me such horrible things that day            
“****,” you said                            
“*****,” you said          
despite the fact that you forced            
your grimy hands on me                                
you FORCED me to do EVERYTHING
*******                  
I HATE YOU
i hope you burn in hell. *******
pearl Mar 2020
it is ok
to long for the childhood
that you never got to have
i cannot replace
what was taken from me
pearl Mar 2020
god, *******
           i ******* despise you
                          pure ****.
       **** of the ******* earth.
do you understand?
               will you ever
                       understand?
                             the longevity of the pain
            that you've inflicted on me?
when you put your
           filthy
               unwelcomed
                          hands on me
        i want to tear away
the flesh
       and skin
                 where you gripped me
                                    

                          *******.
un-*******-forgettable in the most disgusting way a human could possibly fathom
Starry Sep 2019
Thing you don't f**king joke about:
PTSD
AUTISM
depression
Bullying
****
****
Tantric ***
Criminal behavior
Disabilities
Abuse
Suicide
Starry Sep 2019
I say that
Love
And swearing will keep
You alive
I should
Know
I had many a dark thoughts
About hurting my self
But one f-bomb
Or hug from my mom
And it was bearable
To get me through.
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