i feel like a tiger
pacing in a cage
it is not poetic
in the way that
if the bars were opened
i would burst out
like a firecracker
it is instead in the way that
i would lie down where i stood
unable to leave.

i tired to run and see always back. you scream come on, come on,
but never enough.
still run and run, you don't notice that i can't breath.
i tired to trying please you.
what ever i do, it's never enough for you.

i force my eyes open
only for them to meet the white ceiling
staring back, as the light from the soundless
tv changed the white to pink,
the pink to red,
and the red to black,
making my bedroom as dark as i felt inside.
i can’t bring myself to move a limb,
because i know that if i did,
it’d make it all real.
i’m still here.
maybe if i laid there long enough,
i’d sink into the endless slumber
that i was supposed to fall into to begin with.
the colors dancing on my ceiling
called me a failure
over
          and
                    over
         ­                     and
                                        ­over
again until i shut my eyes,
and the only thing staring
back at me were the words
‘failed attempt’
in bold, bright lettering.

i have infinite options
but i don’t wanna do anything
i’m so tired
of everything.

this silence breaks at everything.
eyes shake my every being.
little did he know, what we'll be.

Linux and Windows and Mac OS X
I say I got nothing to lose but
When the server goes down I panic
Got to verify your new laptop
Got a phone or 2 or 3
Got to verify a phone or 2 or 3
We're connected, we're disconnected
Maybe clear the cache, clear our minds
You say shut down, restart, but I keep
Windows running
I'm sleeping, you're awake
You're tired, me too
I say shut down, restart, but you keep Linux running
You're sleeping, I'm awake
I'm tired, you too
But we keep Mac OS X running
We're frustrated, we're cursing, we're evolving
I say I got nothing to lose but
When the server goes down I panic
Let's rewind a minute
Team Viewer
We'll debug the errors together
Refactor this code together
Like we used to
and it'll be up and
running...
running...
running...
Linux and Windows and Mac OS X
I got nothing to lose if I don't have you
And the server goes down
And the server....
And there are too many bugs to debug
And the code just doesn't make sense
And the server....
And the server...
And the server...
Linux and Windows and Mac OS crash

My mind runs.
I tell it not to, but it seems to be training for a marathon at the moment.
It runs more than a mile a minute.
I could be doing one thing at a time, but its still multitasking.
My mind is constantly playing, like tv static in my head.
The thoughts get cramped up in my tiny skull,
That they move down and throughout my body.
Doing nothing isn’t nothing.
It’s like I’m running the marathon with my mind.
With all of that going on,
Even waking up is tiring.

But I like when it storms outside.
I like to sit in my quiet room, listening.
To the claps of thunder,
The pounding of the rain,
and the wind pulling the trees every which way.
The chaos outside is bigger than imaginable.
Its Mother Nature for god's sake.
So, it makes my own thunderstorm a little less important.
It makes the runner up there stop for a water break.
It lowers the volume of the tv static playing in my mind.
It opens my body to freely release all the cramped up thoughts.
And I actually feel comfortable.

Eventually, though, it will just be back to me and my thoughts.
That's why the only reason why I dislike thunderstorms, is because they end.