I want to retreat from the reality I created.
Hide in an old, faded memory.
Out of all the worn, stuffed animals that surround me
my truest friends are the ones that can found me.

My doctor diagnosed me
with restless legs
and I say:
That is my body trying to outrun itself,
my legs try to flee
when it believes my mind is already asleep,
it is searching for a way out
but only finds discomfort
and never-ending sleepless nights
in its fight to be free

it seems like everything i've done
was wait for you

does it get tiring?
of course it does.

what keeps me going?

the slim hope that
you won't disappoint me
again.

My sadness is bright
I see it so clear
Blinding me in sight
It’s cruel way to let me know it’s here
How can I stop it?
I am only made of fear
Finding strength
Knowing there is none near

-J.R

Chaos in my mind

                 Spirals on repeat

They left me behind

                  Blisters on my feet

I’m lost and I’m blind

                   Empty and Complete  

I try to chase my thoughts

                    But they end up chasing me

Laying under circumstance.

Certainty waving back in ink.
A tar.
Why do it later.
How about now.
Au revoir.
Within Mantles of.
Pristine composure over Thought of the drag of thought.
Only a little ill.


Garrett Johnson.

they say life feels like riding a roller coaster.
i felt like a roller coaster struck me, hooked in the rails, pressured to chase the pace.

i'm not sure where this ride is taking me,
sometimes my heart pounds because it feels thrilling to me.
sometimes my chest shrinks so tormenting that i'd like to demand an end to it.

i almost slipped and fell, slowly over time.
but there was always something that lured me to stay on the rails.

there's always a reason for me not to end it,
unless i slit the wire,
only then will all feel lost and sorry.

May it only be a dream... composed in one.
Nightmares shaking inside me.
I drown myself so deep, where the water begins to reap.
I love to hold you, to feel you, but who are you?
Where are you?
Why aren’t you here with me?
Why so distant?
Why haven’t I met you?

You don’t exist.

My imagination.
Stringing myself in my realms of pure intensity.
An ocean on fire ...
A war with no winning ...
A person with no belonging ...
A rage with no fist ...

Suppressed, inner rage, inner love, inner hate, inner sadnesses, inner longing, inner numbness, inner cold, inner emptiness.
Inner distractions....

I face them all at once.
Inner wisdom...
An old soul living in a fake world.
Take me out of here.