I was stupid.
I let people in,
I got to close.
I know better,
but I messed up,
and it shows.
I couldn't help it,
I craved it so,
physical affection,
and someone that knows.

your eyes are wild
not everyone could see the crazy in them
the hunger in them
the readiness in them to devour my soul
and the readiness in me to just let you
because you consume my thoughts
you are my only thought

you could run me over with the car which is your words and I would still forgive you
you could leave me, without a trace , come back and cry those fraudulent tears to me and I would still forgive you
one thing I won't forgive is if you peel off the layers of my skin and plunge your claws into my heart and make it bleed
by loving someone else

I can't accept you leaving me
without a heart to fend for myself
leaving me in the wildness that isn't yours

I love you                                                              ­                          I hate you
I miss you                                                                                       Stay away
I need you                                                                                        I'm okay
I crave you                                                                               I am fulfilled
Your smile                                                                               Manipulation
Your laugh                                                                                    Your lies    
That voice                                                                                       That yell
Those eyes                                                                              That grimace
 Come back                                                                                   Goodbye
 Unbreakable                                                                               Inevitable

why is my poetry ****

I go home to an empty room,
And stare at the white wall,
Reminds me of the recess kids,
That pick on me when we play ball,
Waking up to eternal doom,
Then out of bed I crawl,
There's just way to many stresses,
So I just hide away and stall,
Eventually school starts way to soon,
Feeling worthless and small,
Always having second guesses,
It's just a constant inner brawl.

Your smile? I'll blush again
Your touch? I'll be happy again
Your hug? I'll be stupid again and again

i just want to disappear
get a chance to eat the warming scones from the oven
and just melt away in stars and sky of navy and grey;
i just want to disappear
to fly and to leave anywhere i want or desire or dream;
i'm dreaming of melting away from where i am
for i am floating already,
why can't i just disintegrate altogether;
altogether
yes a distant memory;
forever alone isn't something you would think of until
it actually happens;
although it's not something you realize unless you've
tried love and
and been scared, afraid of what the
person on the other end of the letters is thinking;
i just want to disappear
far away into the hands of someone who cares
not just about my picture but my pulse,
someone who looks not just at my eyes but at each
individual colouring strand inside
my plain brown eyes;
i just want to disappear so no one will have to face
my retched thoughts and unattainable dreams;
i just want to disappear so my friends won't have
to look at a scared
                            pathetic
                     ­              unhappy
                                          awkward
lonely person and have sympathy for me if they even do;
which if i were on the outside of my slinky body
i wouldn't;
i wouldn't just want to leave but disappear for it
seems that it's what i'm best at;
i just want to disappear
from my picturesque world that you couldn't
even take a nice picture in;
i just want to disappear
from my ocean of held back tear,
my shield of fearlessness,
a fake smile that a murderer would wear,
the impression i have on the other lives of people,
and just
i just
want to disappear,
to run away,
and to not have to cause any drama or half broken feelings to anyone,
to not correct people for their non-existent flaws that are really
my own
personal balled up feelings;
i just want to disappear,
fly away into the clouds and heavens of an unreal dream;

i just want to,

i just want to disappear,

disappear

away

fly away

and never come back
never have my flimsy feet touch the beautiful ground
never let my ruined soul harm a single cell of
anyone worth anything to a single thing;
i just want to disappear
i just want to disappea
i just want to disap
i just want
i just
i






- nameless and remaining