call me suicidal
call me a loser
call me stupid
call me a ******

But little do you know
I am all of these

I am dark
and I leave a mark

Little do you know
I am the darkness in you

Girls like her peak in High School
Always thin
Good at everything
Great at sports
Beautiful
Lots of friends
Outgoing
Confident

Girls like me?
A wallflower
I'm not alone
I have sort-of-friends
I'm a shadow in the back of the class
Always silent
Mid-season I'm failing
Getting grades up just enough
for the final report card to say I'm "smart"
Fool the colleges i do
Silently being the only one who doesn't understand
But the class is moving on without you
Crying because I'm "not good enough"
Below/Average at sports
Never good enough for the team
Stuck on the sidelines
Always watching
My life is a TV program
I laugh and watch
But never feeling a part of it
I'm just a spectator

Girls like her peak in college too
Even more beautiful then before
A boyfriend to match
And a petite body that looks great in everything
Flying through college
Instagram model

Girls like me?
Flunked my first year
Home i go
More clueless than ever
"I changed my major" i tell them
I put on the act
"I know what I'm doing"
It's all a lie
A mask I wear
Falling apart inside
Feeling despair
The tears come easy
They come fast
How long will this misery last?
Comparing, Comparing
It's a bigger high school now
Except no one gives a **** this time round
I did this to myself
Want to fix it
Is it too much to ask for a win?
Medication helps the focus
I am making a plan

I'm learning
I'm finding myself
It's okay to take my time
It's okay if I'm a little slow
So why do i feel like I'm just fooling myself?
Everyone has a different path
I haven't given up
I haven't stopped moving
So why i am walking the treadmill?
Moving but still in the exact same spot?

I'm jealous of girls like her
They got it all
Wish things were different
Wish i was given their hand
Cause fate has delt me a rough one

She gets the grassy meadow
I get the stormy mountain
She gets prince charming
I'm still waiting
She uses her wit to defeat the witch
I escape and run through books and other things that distract

What is wrong with me?
Why can't i be good at things?
Why is this so hard?
I wish things came easy.

We were friends
Me and her
And i hate the green monster
that leaves me with this jealous anger

Stay away
Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat
All they do is cause me harm
All the doubts and pain creeps back
I keep reopening the wound.
Those negative thoughts i though were gone?
Well they are buried in the back of my mind ready to resurface.

This is just the beginning of my story
I know this
I am destined for greater things
I know this
I will make it
I know this
I will graduate
I know this

Yet, Girls like her
Leave me with lies that echo...

I write for you
Of you
Of this nearness to
A life
Our life
And what a perfectly stupid time we could have

Sometimes I still can't believe
I was stupid enough to take you back
After the way you treated me the first time around
Acting like that **** doesn't matter
Like it never happened
Like I never cut myself
Thinking about you
Like I never ate my way through $20 worth of McDonald's
Crying over you
Like I never tried to take too many pills
Trying to get you out of my head
Like I never ****** other people, picturing you
Because I still loved you
Like I never wrote hate letters to you
Remembering the pain like it's fresh
Like I never stayed up all night screaming into my pillow
Missing the **** out of you
I took you back like none of that happened
Because that's how much I ******* love you
That's how much I missed having you
You ****** me beyond belief
But all I wanted
Was to have your love again
To have you again
Call me stupid
Or your girlfriend
Same difference

To strum this guitar is for naught. Strumming the strum of the guitar of the guitar. The the guitar is for naught. For naught is the strum. Strumming strum strummy in the strum of the of the guitar.

Would she be enticed? She would be strumming. Would she be be strumming the strum of the guitar?          She would not be the the strum. I strum the D and the A strums the B and it all comes to the G string. Would I not if I did strum the G if I strummed it so?

Yes.
Yes.
No.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Maybe yes.
Maybe yes.
Maybe maybe maybe no.
No.
NO.

Shall I have a glass of jack and coke? If I should not should I strum the G of the jack of the jack and the coke? Should she be she be not? Do I dare to         entice? If I should dare to not should should I find the jack?

I should call should I call if I do if I don’t? What have I to do but strum and strum and drink and drink and think of the flat note? I will call. Will it pickup?

The taste of Jack is acquired it is. It is acquired and acquired      and not for her. She’s a rosé and what can it be that a cheap whisky can amount to a fine wine? It cannot and I cannot. I cannot and will I call will I again?

Will I strum strum the gun of the sun? Will I find the gun will it find the sun and will it it will not find her?

How about a game of poker? I play a mean game a game I play. Please please do play with me. If you would please then please oblige. If not then please do. If do it would make all of it worth it.

Flush.
2 of a kind.
Full House
Royal flush.

Fold.

It is midnight I should be off. Off I shall just strum and never bother. Never shall I bother and never shall I be bothered.
Again.