I am standing beside you
Heart resting in outstretched hand
Hoping you will take it
Use it to try and understand

I do not know why I hurt the ones
My arms care about the most
Maybe it is the ocean
Of paper insecurity I host

I have many loud problems
Make numerous unerasable mistakes
Cause more damage than flexible ripples
Shown from angry earthquakes

I know that "I am sorry"
Does not change what I've done
Or fix the childish horror you feel
This grave guilt weighs a ton

I am so used to ******* up
Destroying parts of my life that are good
That I have convinced my mind
I will not change and never could

I set limitations for my abilities
And cannot seem to find a way around
I stay in the same dark place
The self-loathing to which I am bound

You do your best to rescue me
Nothing works for more than awhile
When my pleasure and excitement fade away
You are back to coaxing out my smile

I appreciate your full efforts
They help my behavior more than I show
I hate the impatient look of frustration
You wear with concern when I am especially low

It is not that you don't make me happy
Neglect my emotional needs
There is a **** inside my obnoxious head
It is small but constantly bleeds

It leaks doubts into my brain
Until I question my quiet worth
Leads me to believe that the world
Is better without my memory on Earth

I am aware you think I'm amazing
It makes me like myself less
To watch you give, yet expect nothing in return
Pour your perfect heart into an unworthy mess

I may be what you desire, but not what you deserve
I am reckless, you should be with someone more stable
I am stuck in my ways, trying to grow
Mature and strong but I am unable

It was a clean break or so they say.
A simple fix.
No additional trauma
No need for drama.
It'll heal just fine.
Sure it was caused by the lover
of a girl who just became a mother.
She was lucky that their
"Poor communication,"
Did not end up
with a fracture that was comminuted.

I never knew
that a break could be clean or
that a fracture could be stable.

I'm still learning.

If we get closer
I hope
I can still
Make myself feel better,
Like I did today.

Because
I want to be strong
And work
As a teammate.

Instead of
Depending on people
Too much
Like I did at some stages
In the past.

I'm empowered
And happier
When I'm more in control
Of myself
And the relationship;
Instead of being reduced
To something that fits
In someone's pocket.

I want to flutter around
Have a good time
And leap in excitement
With my partner's hand in mine.

Both trying our best
To find happiness
In hidden places.

Nudging each other forward
Helping one another
Remember their potential
When they start to fall behind.
That's a relationship I long for.

I'm glad you took a moment
To yourself earlier.
I can understand
How that'd be stressful
And you put yourself first
Which is a good thing.

Thank you for that
And I'm proud of you,
You should always come first.

I hope you're relaxed and at peace
When you rest,
Cherish it while it lasts.

You never know
When another battle will arise.
Trust when I say,
I'll have your back
If you ever need me.

l.v.s

I don't know exactly when
the water became my friend,
but I feel so much safer
surrounded by it.
I don't know exactly when
the water became my friend,
so I let go of my mind's stability
to flow with my emotions.