The author of my favorite book would’ve never said ‘favorite’
He does talk about sacrifice and really deep things
And that word can’t explain any of it.
He says we always choose what we can’t have and cry over it
But now all that just sounds like a pop song about a pretty girl
With flaxen hair and long –long legs figuring out her way
I wish my tale was more cinematic, but it is dry as hell.
Today is no better than yesterday
Just a different shade of sickly blue
I deliberately keep avoiding the context of love
Because it’s so basal and we’ve refined tastes
Or so I think
I know little boys don’t think that much and
Little girls are told good girls don’t play with fire
Wretched, needy begging bowl of a soul
Invested too much on a gambler’s lucky streak
Now I’ve woken up to an endless sabbatical from relevance
I hold on to a smile
One that remains long after it’s gone
Like the sudden flicker of street lights in a rainy day
Doesn’t make a big deal about itself
And eyes that don’t melt concrete or anything but
Eyes that could make a cold-blooded killer cry
And they hoodwinked me
Perhaps we’re naked in heaven
To make up for all the deception in our lifetime.

Tonight like every night,
the lonely crow will visit my windowsill.
I can almost hear him breathe if I keep very still.
It peers, never breaking the ice-
Not a sound provoking the serenity
If it's not here tomorrow
I'll probably spare some time wondering why
and peer at the windowsill
like a creep.

Ever heard of the fire that burnt
All I never really cared about?
The curtains are reduced to ash
But the lagan in my head’s left untouched.
I’ve had a lump in my throat for the longest time
So I couldn’t call for help.
But I took the longest time to reach your walkway
They say I was jaywalking most of the time.
My eyes are too tired to take in your colors
I’m not sober enough to be able to take in some more of your words
But tell me how you feel about today
Suddenly I know I’ve said too much
And you know all about my shameful inclination
Towards revisiting the darkness you remind me of
But what can I do if that’s the only part of you that’s left with me?
The next second your smile curves into a morbidly straight line
You look indifferently at me, but not into me anymore.
How you just draw yourself away so exquisitely I’ll never know.

There was a very sad little girl.
her whole world was in a wurl.

Her mother was sick.
Her father was a ****.

She prays each and every day.
That she could at least be gay.

After she lay awake, she saw a shooting star.
She made a wish that one day she will go far!

The next day her mother became well.
Her father didn't have to dwell.
She had a chance to smile.
And she done just that.
she smiled Forever!
<3

Dedication defined as the derivative of desperation.
Defined but not definite.
Definitely finite.
If only I could I'd find it.
Find what?
A way out of the blue.
The blue?
The blue is you.
A way out of your constant glare
Unaware you stare
I seek something to shade me
You are my shade
Yet you enslave me
The sky that raised me
The ground that grazed me
The trees that praised me
Now aim to sway me
They test me
They ask me
Who are you?
Who are you now?
Rocking all that gold from our bowel.
Why will you not bow?
I refuse.
I detest.
I refuse to stand for it.
I will lie if I have to.
I will **** a man for it.
But this me.
Dedicated.
This world is what I made it.
So sway all you want.
My success cannot be evaded.

At night I close my eyes
And release my Soul.
It moves in currents.
upon the winds.
Deep as the oceans,
to where you move,
where you breathe,
where you sleep.
Holding a piece of me.

A long time ago
my heart warmed
in the glow of your smile.
And slowly I grew,
carrying a piece
of your sunshine,
lighting darkness,
showing the way,
in the depths of me.

Time carried hope,
nestled in this chest.
Stoked and strengthened,
by gifts unknowingly given.
As I moved over mountains,
I cradled the treasures
which grew to adoration,
unconsciously connected
through silent vibrations
of wind and dreams,
and places only souls go.