I’ve been told it’s punishment, but from the divine?
Loosed from the bonds, all earthly ties
And what for, say, can’t I.
Lest I am the sinner, the adversary
No chains of such gall should bind me here
This concrete box where I count my breaths
Forward and back, on fingers and toes
The end of days on etches in the air.

As though it for pleasure, I-sadist returns
Congress of years from within burn
With nothing but that, no soul to confide
I will make up eyes to look—they judge!
Fictionalize mouths that speak—derision!
Bitter and arbitrary partners of mine,
And no tease of release, slamming
Through will, blood, ****, and ****
Only affixed a skin dressed in iron
I am weakly, free of that—least
Then something holds me close
My existence won’t fold in the unjust crease.

Six steps forward, six back, another six
To complete the burlesque of time’s progress
A harlequin, I am, flogging my back
Akin is the hope of some outer earth.
If nothing but pulp is beyond solip
Then fill my placid-skin with it
And disrupt my absorbing wavelength
I fear I am fiction as the words in my ear.
Glass frame of my skin, new days begin!

Even if I could share with these thoughts
Even if day would lithely walk in
Even if the force of death would invite me in
I would tumble, broken, blind by the box
Still within me
Leave n’er I, n’er I, it to me.
Am I ill, bleeding at the wishing well
No token, but holes, to bribe or to fill.

If I could just do as a man I knew of
From a source, I would doubt, skulking above
Who drilled, for escape, a hole in his head
Out from it poured, his greatest wish
In the language of the box—
I draw prophecy from the moan in the pipes
And these hands brought together in faithful decay
Trace licentious dawn and eve—a broken little slit
I know, I know of a sky—I hoped for it!
I’m strong in that face of patient nothing,
And I will win this fight!

What words are there
That can adequately describe
The reasons why I hide
Behind
A mask of congeniality
And blissful frivolity
With just a dash of innocent naivety
Due to my blatant apathy
Towards
Everything?

I'm a turtle withdrawn in my shell.
And I like it here!

There.
I think those words are adequately perfect!

A solitary tear
trickled down
her waiting cheeks.

A solitary sigh
escaped from within
her restrained lungs.

She fantasized.

A solitary thought
circled tirelessly
her fading peace.

A solitary prayer
escaped from within
her restless heart.

She endured.

A solitary wish
disturbed greatly
her beauty sleep.

A solitary memory
escaped from within
her buried past.

She stayed awake.

~ Moniba.

I write this story of grief
On a piece of paper
Or a plastic cup
Whether be it filled with water
Have it crumpled up or torn apart
As long as I have a pen or pencil
A hand and mind to pour it out
I speak the words I'm spoken
And I write the things we were all about

Expressing in past tense
I try to recollect yet forget the past
Of broken edges that kept me safe and sound
From tempting love and growing lust
A hand that won't keep still
Partnered with a body with an aching itch
I trust my mind but it's my heart that speaks
A hand kept still, a hand craving for bliss

I am stuck at a loss for words
A pen in hand, the impatient ink
Teeth gritting for a paragraph of her
Pages kept blank, with a hand unstill
A pen or a pencil, longing for touch
A plastic cup, half empty, half gone
Mouth thirsty, craving for lust

n.j.

It is one of those days
where I get stuck
in my pit

struggling to climb
needing to escape

Soon may be too late
late will be too long

Can someone lend me a rope?
I shan't hoist myself
not yet.
Send it so you may
safely descend
not to stay
only to visit
so I have company's comfort
here in my pit.

Maybe then they'll understand
why I slip so suddenly
and help me remember
there's always a way out.

The time will come
when the climb is
self-attained.
But I can't
not now.  

So the rope might still reside
lost to shadows only I could be
seeing.  
I just hope you carry a glimmer
of what's left of the world's lights
so this climb
and (m)any others
will be eased.
Then will come my ascent
yes, this time my own
when I won't need another
for each gradual advance
back into that
twisted little reality.

Every morning is an outcome of a dark night,
Keeping this hope up, I'm still standing in the fight.
I feel complete when you are start and end of my day,
Without you around, I'm simply fading away.

When people raise their finger on me,
To you, I desire to flee.
When I'm judged, misunderstood, accused,
In your light, I want to be fused.

I accept that I am not a good person,
So what? I'll be given scars in black, red and crimson?
I am suppressed the every single time,
Is it always my crime?

How for them it can always be so fine?
Can't they see me, feel me, ever whine?
I just want to be happy, feel the breeze with a smile,
I want you to hold my hand, in this meanwhile.

My disability to express what is inside,
In my life, is bringing the disastrous tide.
Today I feel, the solution is to end this,
Maybe peace comes, when heaven gives me a kiss.

I am into this turmoil,
Where are you? Come wrap me in your foil.
Take me into a different world,
Then all the sadness in trash will be hurled.

When one feels alone in crowd,
Because of the pain, one wants to shout out loud.
When moonlight becomes the brightest thing,
Somebody else of your life becomes the king.

Maybe it is the most beautiful scene,
But how can you expect love from the mean?
Is it right to always in the flow yourself to blame?
I swear, Life! is the roughest game.

My mistake, I am not able to determine,
Perhaps this is what is making them win.
My tender age, my shaken phase,
Makes them think I am an easy chase.

Nothing is capturing my mind,
Now is when I want you to come and (me) find.
Only you can lift me from this situation,
I want you. For this I've no explanation.

You're that invisible power, the magic,
The only one that can take away all that is tragic.
Nobody knows who you are, including this heart,
But I so wish to be on your priority chart.

What goes in me, one fails to understand right now,
I want answers to what, when and how.
What is keeping me so down?
When will they stop wearing my life's crown?
How cannot seeing all of this, I now frown?

I want to end this in any way,
In between emotions, I no longer can sway.
For myself, I want to breathe once,
God helps all and not just nuns.

Shower your blessing on me too,
You're not God, so to reach you, there's no cue.
Just lift me once, high enough, so they can see,
That I am happier when set free!

it is hell
to have loved someone-
to know you love them
right now, still-
so much and for so long,
and to realize
you don't actually feel
them loving you back.

if you turn onto
a one-way street
in the wrong direction,
it is still dangerous,
against the law
even if you didn't see the sign.
and just because i love
and my love is accepted
does not mean
i'm on a two-way street.

now i'm crushed.
between metal and metal
i'm crushed. in flashes,
when you speak, i see
myself chewed between your teeth.

so when you light up when you smile
when i say in some way that
i love you, you are also
the oncoming headlights,
appearing suddenly,
coming at me on the highway.