Where am I?
What path should I take?
Begin this new life waiting to die?
Or turn back...to my old world?

Am I still stable? Or am I being consumed by the chaos?
Is this truth that I’m seeing or the fabricated delusions of insanity?
Just one step away from that finite darkness.

The uncertainty and despair it snatches at my ankles and neck like chains. Pulling me towards the wall of doubt. This sour taste of fear bleeding out of my mouth. It threatens to consume me now. Truly already so lost. This bird without wings trying to fly but fatally falling from grace.

So long I’ve been staring and searching for some semblance of a savior that I’ve been tying my own noose with the false  fibers of fabrication. Can I still be saved when my soul is so barely recognizable? Covered in acid and tar from my wretched past with blatant disregard for the lives around me. This dark cloud nearly has me now.
Can I be saved?
Can I be saved?

Suddenly bursting forth in a brilliant display, the light pierces through the darkness illuminating my face like an unforeseen kiss.
Rise.
Rise.
The veil is lifted.
The chains are broken
falling like ash.
Veneration percusses my soul and through squinted eyes I can see it all.

This truth I’ve been searching for. What was always inside whispering.
Too blind to listen.
Too deaf to see.
Overcome with indescribable peace I reach for the hand of solace.
The light melting this torment and anguish from my heart.
Climbing from that blind cave of oblivion I raise my face to my rightful place in the sun.
Blindingly taken with this beauty I once withdrew from.
I am reborn.
I am reborn.

For a few brief seconds the brilliance
of the sun peeked through
Reminiscent of the few stolen moments
I got to spend loving you

In the blink of an eye the clouds shrouded the sky in shades of blue and gray
Just as quickly you reached into my soul
and tore my heart away

The azure colors are turbulent
like that of a raging sea
With winds blowing at hurricane force
To take you further and further from me

My arms stretched out wide
in endless hope and desperation
Trying with all my might to reach
towards my perceived salvation

For just a single solitary day
To bask in your glowing warmth
Secure in the comfort of your embrace
No longer tortured by the storm

How much would I sacrifice
For that one chance at redemption
Would I throw caution to the wind
Forgetting all of my apprehensions

If fortune would ever be so kind
As to rain down on this deserted shore  
Then we could live a lifetime
Captive in loves solace for evermore

You were my sunshine,
To sustain me with energy,
You were my cluster of stars,
To give me solace,
You were my moonlight,
To romance and make love.
You were the last piece of my jigsaw puzzle,
It fitted perfectly.
But, I was shattered,
My heart tore to pieces,
The wind swept away my joy with the rubble.
I had to let you go!
You left me with no choice,
My family needed me more.

We're literally two worlds apart but that doesn't stop me nor you to be distant with each other. We have so many options but we chose to stay. You could have blocked me or I may have blocked you. But, we never allowed that to happen.

We've been through a lot. We shared different stories in our lives but it all boils down to one thing, we're both in PAIN. We were beset by many difficulties in life and had suffered so much.

We both grieve differently and I must say grieving never stops. On that note, I should be and will always be grateful that God has allowed your presence to walk through my path. Could this be by chance? Or, could this by kismet? We never know.

And what most people don't understand, you stood up. Often times, you see me crying. You saw me when I was heartbroken. And, I am aware that I once broke your heart too. I want to say "SORRY" but that's not enough. As the song goes, "There You'll Be". You've always been there: when I laugh, when I am crazy, when I think I am beautiful, when I think I am ugly, and above all you stayed when I was at the worst moments in my life.

It brings music to my ears when you said once that with my presence, you find solace. Trust me, it will always be that way. And, if I should ever write my life story, surely I'd allot a space for you.

My dearest friend, together we will find a place where there's happiness and that happiness will burn down the PAIN.

The little space
within my heart
is as vast as the universe
there lies an ocean of cosmic water
and into its unfathomed depths
I free dive.

We're too old,
You and I,
To be showing up on each other's doorsteps late at night

We are not children,
With Forever laid out before us
like the roads of Rome

But you are a balm to my soul
And the eye in my storm
And for this
If nothing else
you will be remembered.

We find it in the bottom of a cup
In a wine glass or beer mug
Imbibing all manner of spirits
Until the blackness takes hold.

Or in a person who eases our spirit
A phone call, a message.
Acknowledging our existence
And letting us know we’re loved

Some people find it in lines on a mirror
Or in a needle that leaves scars
It’s smoked off of a spoon
Or rolled in some paper

Other people cut, pain to ease pain
Slicing away bits of anxiety and flesh
Leaving thin long reminders of
Feelings best forgotten

Some find it in poetry, vomiting feelings
Onto a pristine white page until
It’s full and stained in emotion  
An artwork of agony

A few seek moments alone to
Close their eyes and meditate.
Counting breaths and clearing imagination
Getting lost in the maze of their minds

Some brave individuals
Listen to blues and sorrow
Their anxieties leaking from their eyes
And out of their noses.

Me. Maybe I do them all
Maybe I don’t.