there's a sense of loneliness that creeps up my heart at 2 in the morning. it is the loneliness that i have felt since you left without any goodbyes.

i look up and see nothing but the emptiness of a dimly lit and cold room - shivering, not because of the cold breeze the air conditioning blows but because of the lost of the warmth from your words and presence. maybe, you can drop a message or a note? something that can remind me of you, oh God, who am i kidding? everything reminds me of you.

it is the stuffed toy that still lies on a spot beside my pillow, hoping that somewhat it can give me comfort.

the glow in the dark stars on my cabinet; because you've always loved science, the stars and space.

my brother's bedsheet; just because coincidentally, he had to have it in your favorite character.

some poem that i've scrolled through; just because the words fit you like a puzzle.

just like that, everything is all about you.

you always seem to find a way to make it back into my life without knowing it, nor wanting it. because in reality, all these are just my excuses to remember you, even if you don't remember me at all.

Butter hued flowers,
From tip to toe, the tree sighs;
Burden of beauty.

filled up with enmity coiling up inside
The chest billows up
Thy want to heave it out
Then destined to tranquility

The claws scratch the flesh
Death gnaws on the remnants of longevity
Unless visions have a chest
To burst out into effervescence

Spontaneous sigh is kicked out of your breath
The clavicles sharpen, the eyes ogle ahead
The nothingness dilates
The flicker has no entrance for itself to adumbrate

For utopia has its own gore
To marvel over inside,
The plasters of bliss
Have guffawed over the gullible dusk

The gloom has left with a whisper
A muttering not to be heard
The relief has sewed on flesh
With the clouds coming out of thy outburst

The relief rebirths the serenity
Has been meandered, halted
For thou shed leaves
Making agony to clouds of no return

Utopic defiance,
the idiosyncratic anectodes
Stains of externalized innundation
For the literal existance of hope.

versus the objective extreme,
politics make me want to kick and scream
is it too much for "ignorance is bliss" to be the dream?

I've spent years of barely living. I've spent summers full of fear. When I had the chance to tell you that I loved you I knew I should have brought you here, to this over pass I used to sing at though I hadn't been in years, but instead I let you leave with out a goodbye. I watched you disappear.

I used to watch you in the moonlight out of the corner of my eye. I would listen to you breathing as you looked up at the sky. And I know you were counting stars and trying to figure why I could be so painfully reserved as the silence passed us by.

I started having dreams about having finally got it right. I gave you all the letters I wrote you every single night. I told you the things that really matter and I said it all outright. But instead I'd say it with a stammer and follow with a sigh.

You would say I never listen but I don't think you think that's true. The timbre of your voice is soothing; I could spend each night listening to you. I had to give up on the things I wanted and what I wanted most desperately was the chance to follow through with the scenarios in my dreams, but I fear there's nothing left that I can do.

McDonald's not the place
That miserable place,
The place I  work at,

Don't get me wrong,
It puts bread on the table,

This drama that people throw at you,
It's really just poppycock,

The job is too easy,
Just press a button,

like the easy button
Wish I had a mute button
So I can silence the clicking of these buttons..

-Paul R Hensley |||

Here we go again
All that fighting
the constant inconsistency of your words
the do's and dont's that resonate into the void

Here we again*
Another restless night and dreadful morning
the shaking does not stop this time
and neither does the relentless mourning
It pains me being like this
lacking both physical and mental stability
Being dead would be a bliss
In this world full of hostility