when you dont want to be here, but you're too tired to try not to be,
just look around and maybe you'll see
oh dear, how much you really mean to me.

if only i could see

I've never Skipped rocks
Nor made ripples in a pond
Never paid attention to the bees in the garden
Nor the ants marching in unison
Never stopped to smell the roses
Nor stick my toes in the sand
Never gazed at the sunrise
Never awed at the sunset
Nor have I ever been spellbound by the stars perfectly positioned in the heavens
Never went camping or pitched a tent
Never show my anger
But somehow I always vent
Now I look back in my haste
I wish to regain the time I've waste.
*©La Vida Love

rainy fall nights turn to cold winter mornings so fast if you blink you might miss it
just as quickly the mornings turn to cool spring afternoons
cool evenings turn into warm summer mornings
sometimes it feels like my summer morning will never come
every night is a rainy fall night and every morning is so cold
i know what people are thinking
carry an umbrella, it's so hard to remember an umbrella when the rain is everywhere
the water keeps surrounding me and i don't know how to swim
i used to think that it was always raining, but the drizzle that i used to encounter from time to time would be so much better than the flood i experience every day
i wish i go back to my old self and tell her that things will get worse before they get better
the drizzle will turn into a flood
it will keep you up all night
some days will be clear not a cloud in your mind
these days will be your good days and somehow your mind will convince you that you are getting better
but the next day the flood will return
the sun used to out weigh the flood
treasure the sunny days because they will be gone before you know it

Death,
Something that is so unpredictable,
a mystery that can never be solved,
is what lies ahead.
As one lies dying on the bed,
As one lies thinking of one's loved ones,
the light suddenly seems so far away,
and a tunnel comes to an end.
At the end of tunnel is something better,
or is it?

I don't think anyone
Truly realizes how hard
A long distance relationship is;
At least, not until
They're in one.

You have dreams of big cities and fancy cars and you are surrounded by beautiful people
But your ship is drowning
You've been on this voyage for 18 years now and you've come farther than you ever thought you would have but you will come up alittle short
Just as always
You have such big dreams but larger deadly habits
The razors won't help you and you know that but
Somewhere in your head you have convinced yourself that if you drain out all your blood you will also drain out all the hate and be lighter than ever and then you can finally make it to shore
But, my dear, the hate is not in your blood it is in your head
You are the captain of this sinking ship but your depression is your first mate
Your depression has been the evil stowaway that has been sleeping in your brain for years now
The hate in your head can be traced back to it
You've spent the last eighteen years trying to track its every move
You've performed countless operation on yourself trying to make yourself better trying to remove your depression
You would have thought you were van gogh trying to paint the perfect smile on your face because you know people say smiles can cure depression but i guess you just didn't try hard enough or maybe you should have ate yellow paint instead
But no matter how you decorate the ship it is still sinking

Sometimes I scream,
Sometimes I shout,
Sometimes I laugh,
Sometimes I pout.
I throw tantrums,
and you ask me why,
I say it's nothing,
And it's not a lie.
Sometimes I scream,
Sometimes I shout,
You want a practical reason,
but none comes out.
Sometimes I cry,
Sometimes I pout,
Sometimes I just need
to let it all out.