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--nika Nov 2017
i dreamt about you last night,
i woke up feeling lost and empty;
why is it that after so long,
my subconscious still thinks about you?

what a coincidence it was,
when i saw a glimpse of you in the mall,
was it even you?
or simply a fragment of my imagination?
i turned around to dodge your line of sight;
i wanted to pretend i was never there.

seeing you again,
made me drown in emotions,
i thought i got rid of.
i remember the late nights,
the thoughts of you,
me trying to let you go,
and i really thought i already have.

i'm sorry,
it seems as though,
you're still engraved in my heart,
i can't seem to push away the thought of you,
or the loneliness your memory brings me.

but here i am,
hugging the stuffed toy you once gave me,
at 11:11,
hoping that someday and somehow,
my wish,
would come true.
i don't know what i should feel about you. i miss what used to be you.
--nika Jun 2017
sometimes the easiest questions are the hardest to answer.
what to say and what to feel
--nika Jun 2017
if people knew how much they meant to someone, would they have stayed?
maybe if you knew, then you would have stayed
--nika Jun 2017
there's a sense of loneliness that creeps up my heart at 2 in the morning. it is the loneliness that i have felt since you left without any goodbyes.

i look up and see nothing but the emptiness of a dimly lit and cold room - shivering, not because of the cold breeze the air conditioning blows but because of the lost of the warmth from your words and presence. maybe, you can drop a message or a note? something that can remind me of you, oh God, who am i kidding? everything reminds me of you.

it is the stuffed toy that still lies on a spot beside my pillow, hoping that somewhat it can give me comfort.

the glow in the dark stars on my cabinet; because you've always loved science, the stars and space.

my brother's bedsheet; just because coincidentally, he had to have it in your favorite character.

some poem that i've scrolled through; just because the words fit you like a puzzle.

just like that, everything is all about you.

you always seem to find a way to make it back into my life without knowing it, nor wanting it. because in reality, all these are just my excuses to remember you, even if you don't remember me at all.
after all this time
  Nov 2016 --nika
the hardest
part of
letting someone
you love
go is
making yourself
stay away
--nika Sep 2016
i just want you to know,
that even if
i seem like i’m gone,
i won’t ever
leave you behind.
i've been missing you but i don't know how to tell you
--nika Aug 2016
hey i really hope
you are doing fine; just call
me when you need me.
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