I could.
I should.
I dream.
And write
in between.
I love.
I cry.
And reaching
sky high.
I feel.
I share.
This moment
with flair.

I want to be said beautiful
But it shouldn't be uttered by the cursive of your lips
I want to be seen as ****
But never by the lust in your eyes
I want to be intellegent
But not identified by your lack of brain cells
I want to be known by my self
Untwisted
Unfolded
By
**Me.

Looking back, it seems so clear
   I should have known
We shared so many interests
   I should have told you
I wanted to know more about you
   I should have asked you
You were panicked, desperate
   I should have been there

If I'd known you were so close
   I would have reached out to you
If I'd known you had so little time
   I would have tried to make you feel better
If I'd known you'd do it
   I would have talked to you
If I'd known you would be dead
   I would have been a better friend

I feel responsible for your pain
   I could have tried harder to lessen it
There's so many times I regret
   I could have comforted you when you were down
If I'd only been there when you hit your low
   I could have stopped you, I could have tried
My guilt is so clear to me
   I could have stopped you, before you died

We are grown ups
Full grown *** adults
Making out in the front seat of your car at the edge of a crowded parking lot in front of a high school where mothers are picking up their daughters from their first homecoming dance
You know, like grownups do
But that’s not really what we are
Not here, not all day
Today we’ve been movie characters
We’ve been comic strip accidents
We’ve been fairy tale destinies  
The clock is striking midnight soon
This fidgeter’s bracelet still doesn’t fit over these fat fingers
Come morning you’ll be back in the castle
Where princesses belong
Stupid fairy god mothers always ******* up a perfectly good nursery rhyme

What should I write about this life?
Should I think in terms of strife?
When I write should I add gloss?
What should I leave as dross?

It can't have been a life of gloom.
He must have had a time of bloom.
Where others jibe, should I proclaim,
or blind myself to shame?

Eyelids are worse with
gravity when you're
breaking a door
******* it's been shut too long so
I want to river this until the
whole town glows
and goes under and you can see
its reflection from the surface
Of glass
stay awake just a little longer with me

I should have told you to stop
Right before you jump
I should have told you to try
Right before you sob and cry.

I should have hugged you tight
Right before you go for the flight.
I should have kissed you goodnight.
Right before we have the fight.

I should have told you how much you mean to me
Right before you forget me easily.
I should have told you how you've changed me
Right before you hate me.

I should have told you how much I care
Right before you go blue and wander no where
And I should have told you how much I love you
Right before the day you forget and go.

© Quenniebells, 2015