I remember when we were together.
Everyone thought we were perfect together.
They all seen happiness and smile.
But they didn't know the truth.
No one seen the way you pushed me when you'd get angry,
or the way you'd force yourself on me after I told you to stop.
They didn't hear you telling me I wasn't enough.
None of them knew the real truth.
Although our relationship was a complete disaster,
I tried to work things out and make things right.
I gave you chance after chance,
because I had never really given up on anything before.
But the last year of our relationship,
It was like we were a ship that was inevitably going to sink.
I stalled the process enough so that I could say I tried,
but finally I just let go.
I remember telling you it was over.
Your voice sounded crippled at those words.
My heart no longer wanted you,
and I knew it was time to say our goodbye's.
You tried to keep us as friends,
but I knew it wouldn't work.
Not after all you had down.
Not after what you put me through.
Our ship had finally sunk down to the depths,
and there was nothing left to salvage.
You kept trying to revisit it,
but I had accepted it's fate.
Now I know you thought I was weak,
for just walking away like I did.
But I want you to know the truth.
I want you to see things for how they really were.
I had tried so hard.
I fought for you.
I fought for everything we had,
even though it was nothing worth fighting for.
I gave up so much,
and lost so much of myself,
just to keep you happy.
Just to be enough.
But nothing was enough.
You fought against me,
and you were always "needing" more than I could give.
You were never grateful and never satisfied.
I let you push me around.
I let you torment me,
I let you tear me to pieces with your words and actions,
just so I could make you smile.
But after all was said in done,
the girl you met was long gone.
You had destroyed her.
I was no longer quiet or in need of validation.
And because of everything you did,
I no longer needed you.
I wasn't weak anymore.
I was strong enough to stand on my own.
So I let you go.
I let you feel the pain of never being enough.
I loved watching you beg me for a second chance,
saying you'd change.
I had become blank.
No emotion.
Nothing left to say to you.
I was done.
I'm better now,
and I still have no need or want for you,
but I still wander sometimes,
if you realized exactly what happened.
I wander how it feels to know,
that the one girl who had the biggest heart,
and never gave up on anyone,
gave up on you.
I had a dream last night that my ex had come to visit me and was asking for me to get back with him. He was trying to hold my hand and kiss me, and I laughed in his face. I let him know that everything he put me through caused me to let him go, even though I never give up on anyone. It felt like such a relief getting to tell him to his face that he was the problem in our past relationship, and that I wasn't. It was like he finally realized that all of the pain he put me through had made me so cold towards him, that I no longer felt he was worth holding onto. I still wish I could say these things to him someday, but I know I never will. If anything, I'd probably just walk away if he ever tried to speak to me. I have nothing left for him.
