How could we have survived,
Without that old table?
Memories made of creaking wood,
Every scratch a storyteller.
Super glue for flesh and blood,
Which rested in my mother’s kitchen.

The clouds over Antwerp (so far from home)
Caress the cathedral, barely brush the dome.
The sun is mild, and the wind soft,
Yet darker, boiling things come aloft.

Tendrils of remembrance, making me a liar –
I said I'd extinguish that treacherous fire.
A torch that shouldn't be, let alone be carried,
What should stay hidden, locked, and buried.
A flashback unbidden - your easy laughter -
There is no hope, not in the After.

The sky seems paper-thin, a fake screen of blue,
Threatening to peel back, revealing only you;
The cottony clouds, an illusion that will melt,
Spilling the intensity of all that I felt;
Still feel (oh god), and I can't disperse,
You are woven in the fabric of my universe.

I wonder if you're gazing, taking in the stars,
Or dark forests whose trees seem to me like bars;
A prison: I'm trapped, without being held,
My heart saw yours and decided to weld
Us together, but the alloy didn't match –
My forever, your bad batch.
Bleeding, I hold on to the damaged patch,
Too stupid to let go, too stupid to detach.

My life stands still, as chances pass through,
And all I see, all, is that they're not you.

*

There's fog now, heavy like lead -
I wonder if the veil seeped straight from my head;
Shrouding the world in a numb ache,
Distracting my thoughts, for sanity's sake.

And your presence pulses, a soft thrum of power,
Pitter-patter of rain, a ghost of a shower.
Just like a ghost, you're gone, but you're here,
Too far to touch, but to forget - too near.

I've forgotten how to breathe without you.

And now that you're not around,

I'm suffocating, or I'm about to;

Fallen, and glued to the ground.


Claustrophobic in my own skin -

It feels wrong, existing outside your space.

Wish I could destroy the vacuum within,

What went on too long, what I should replace.


Even the world-wide plague would fade,

if compared in magnitude,

To the way you cast my soul in shade;

The memories in solitude.


And my lungs feel full of flowers,

Sowed by your unknowing hand,

And my doom above me towers,

I gasp for air - I breathe in sand.


And you, unaware of your powers,

Sleep somewhere miles away,

While I watch rainy, grey showers,

And chase my breath that just won't stay.


Seems some raindrops, small and week,

From the storm have gone astray,

Wandered in, onto my cheek,

That's why it's wet (or so I say).


And I hear talk of Crown* blight,

The fear it drives in people's hearts,

While my own still pulses with your light,

Riddled with Cupid's darts.


And they had lied when they said,

All wounds would be healed by Time:

Some sorrows stay without being fed,

Only good for fuelling rhyme.


So, on half a breath I learn to live,

Just getting by to the next day,

Tired, untethered, but with plenty to give

- for I know I must follow my way.

The petal on the cherry tree

gently whispers: "Let it be.

Don't think back, don't reminisce."

Yet you I cannot help but miss.


It's been too long, if truth be told;

my scarlet flames should have run cold –

but they burn bright as the desert sun,

a million candles joined in one.


You're the one that got away.

Only memories decide to stay,

to remind me of your eyes,

your smile, your not-goodbyes.


Are you safe? Are you well?

That's all I wish to know;

You haunt me – an angel of hell,

a rose-arrow in Cupid's bow.


I have no right, and never did.

Still, my thoughts keep wandering,

Pandora's box without the lid,

a kingdom lost without a king.


Spare me a thought, just now and then:

flicker me to life, for old time's sake,

My butterfly un-caught, remind me of when

I dared to dream of you, wide awake.

What else is there left to say?

I wish there were something new;

Some novel, sweeter way,

To tell you all you know is true.


This one-sided, stupid dream

Isn't something you can mend;

I'll learn in time, to make it seem

That I'm okay, just as your friend.

I can't promise to be well,

Only that I will try

To get up from where I fell,

And do my best not to cry.


You don't deserve this burden,

The mess I dragged you in,

My battles, I am certain,

aren't yours to win.


I only hope you never learn

The extent of this pain

Despite the hell in which I burn,

I wish you only soothing rain...

Mine. Mine. Mine.
Your presence, more intoxicating than wine.
You're my running fuel, infinite power,
In a howling storm, a proud-standing tower.
A beacon of hope, a lighthouse on the shore,
Through winds and waves, I come back for more.
More of your visage, your voice, all you are,
My darling, my fate, my eternal star.

Seven coffee cups worth of energy,
But without the jitter,
A drug-like bliss, minus the lethargy,
Only sweetness, nothing bitter.

With their colour of black coffee,
Your eyes have me melting like toffee.

And I'm in love, I love you, I love it,
I walk the streets with a stupid smile,
Ecstatic and unable to quit
This high won't wear off for a while.

Like Christmas morning for a child
- though that comparison is old -
Overwhelming joy, limitless and wild,
Keeps me warm even in the cold.

Oh heavens, I've missed you so **** much,
I could catch fire at the lightest touch.

Am I projecting? Or is it real?
Could you feel what I feel?

That smile, that smile is my all,
Especially when I know I made you laugh,
These little things, no matter how small,
Make all my worries diminish by half.

I'm so not over you, not even one bit,
My heart is a puzzle, and you're the only fit.
I miss you, and you've only just left,
You've stolen my sleep, but I don't mind the theft.

I look at you
and dream of sunflowers
because you told me once
that home was where the sunflowers were
and I’ve been awaiting summer since then.

Give thanks to those that are appreciative to have you as a dearest and vice versa. Many people in this world are without those that love them. While many of you are in mourning, look up into the heavens and see how beatific your deceased loved ones are. They send you their love and wish you many blessings. When you cry, the family of angels are there by your side, surrounding you with their healing presence. Your heart is the fountain of youth; pour into those that need replenishment. I promise you that love will always and forever be the root that gives life to the tree.