Oh my darling bestie..
I have no mood to be around you.
But that doesn't mean that I don't want you as a friend,
Or if our terms are approaching dead end..

But I have no mood to be around,
I don't know even if idiotic I sound..

You are my bestie, and always meant to be,
But currently I have some different plans with more priority.

I love talking to you, but I have no time anymore,
I am either tired, or exhausted.
And you somehow happen to demoralise me..
I told you many a times indirectly ,
But no good it did...

You don't want to hear what's going on in my life,
You don't want to hear my views about anything..
Correct me if am wrong, but I ain't your diary..

I don't want to meet you, when you cannot come to see me,
Don't expect me to be so crazy about meeting you..

You maybe going abroad for years four,
Doesn't matter the distance I promised Our relationship won't turn sour..
But dear, what's wrong with you?
Why don't you understand?

You are purely selfish, and tell me that am selfish..
You disturb me during the exams, to clarify your so called doubts..
You don't let me sleep, make me weep,
And tell me, that you are my bestie..

I don't feel like keeping contacts with you,
You think all your misconceptions are true,
You don't want to hear me, and am not a dummy to hear you..

My life is boring, yeah well accepted,
But I don't want you to make it more boring..
I don't wish to be around you,
I don't care about you..

Stop imposing such restrictions on me,
Which you too can't even do..

I am sorry, but I can't travel to be around you,
If everytime it has to be me..

It's really quiet.
The baby sleeps better than I ever will, if I ever will.
No one replies to my text messages.
Maybe their phone is dead, or at home -
But it still means they hadn't thought of me.

It's really dark.
I closed all the blinds and curtains, scared of what will melt out of or into the nighttime.
The baby sleeps with his door open, hardly afraid. I thought he would've wanted to sleep next to me for safety, and yet I wish I was sleeping near him for safety.

Sometimes a little body next to you is all you need.
Or a text message.
Or a little bit of sunlight.
Anybody.


Anybody?

The idea is that my life is beginning to feel like one big joke & i’m god’s punchline.

my stomach churns. i can’t eat. Nothing equals out. The stupid world keeps turning & i’m not going anywhere but down. it hurts– nothing specific. it’s all lies on top of lies on top of half-truths on top of lies. Unraveling. Detachment. i can’t go anywhere or do anything. Everyone is out to get me. My existence is nonexistent. i’m stuck in a really horrible drawn out chess game & i’m always the losing piece. i’m selfish. you are like a weapon & an addiction all in one.
By YOU i mean EVERYTHING. whatever you want to call it, it’s all the same end result.
odd-man out, downfall.

i’m hurting all the ******* time & it makes no sense.

I wholeheartedly wish you good luck in endeavors I'd rather you wouldn't attempt. I'm absolutely oozing with selfless insensitivity.

give and take is what we know to be
the way to true happiness and peace
and we give and we give and we give
in the hopes that, from us
the rest of mankind will learn to do so too

but the world is a selfish place
filled with selfish people
who have selfish needs
and in the end
it is you who will learn from them

The spirit of this world is selfish.
They tell you that you're all that matters.
Only you can help yourself.
Stop for no one.
Survival of the fittest.
But haven't you stopped to think how messed up that is?
Why must we leave others behind on our endeavors?
As if we didn't have help reaching the finish line.
How stupid to rely solely on your own experience.
Haven't they told you we learn from others?
Who gave you the right to call yourself righteous?
Open your eyes and see that this world wants to destroy you thinking that 'me, myself, and I' is the only way to live.

(-DF-04/01/16-)

Today I found out
Why I am stuck in
Repeating loops of
Thought about life,
Mistakes we make -

My Dorsomedial Pre-frontal Cortex ;
is screaming inadequacy
My Ventromedial Medial Pre-frontal cortex ;
is occupying every cells (so selfish)
My lack of Lateral Pre-frontal Cortex
&
Flickering,
Neural Paths

So,
You Were Right,
You Were Right,
You Were Right.