Tell me what you saw from the front row
That was the problem
I was on the stage and didn’t ask you to join me
I was on top
You were on the bottom

Tell me how it looks from inside your eyes
Was I real to you
I didn’t feel that way very often
It was all an act
That much was true

Tell me if I’ve left the room empty enough
I may have left you a chair
I never did ask what you want me to do
It’s easier to pretend
It’s easier not to be there

Tell me about the reason you can’t hear me
I know you already said why
I just remembered the night you didn’t care
I said hello
You said goodbye

How should you feel when people find you super strong and extraordinary when, in reality and deep within you, you know you are slowly breaking apart?

Would and should their admiration be enough to inspire you and convince you to keep fighting?

How would you tell them that you are already at the brink of breaking down?

How would you know who truly care and who just want to have a piece of information for their leisure time?

Would you be able to survive if you would just keep negative thoughts to yourself?

If not, what should you do if you know these people you might tell things to wouldn't be able to help you get back on track?

Would talking to a tree be enough for the sake of breathing?

Would you be considered selfish if you would share these negatives and worries to other people because you think you need to vent out and not consider that they might be infected of your dying spirit to fight?

I thought when
our friendship began,
I 'd start to see a pattern, a plan
but.
Calls at 3 AM with teardrops
down the receiver,
spouting nonsense like-
"Why oh why did i leave her?"

Were not expected.

I welcomed them sure,
but never had I handled this before.
This traumatic tirade of-
listless lovers that'd-
surround you suddenly.

But was now expected.

Then, at 5 in the morning
I noticed.
Your mouth. Breath had stopped drawing.
As you stared at your mural
you whispered "Tribunal"

Thus began your attack.
Hacking, blood drawn, across
what was our sofa. Now torn.

No more was that mural that tilted
that wall ever so slightly.
As for me?

I left the room quietly.

Oh my darling bestie..
I have no mood to be around you.
But that doesn't mean that I don't want you as a friend,
Or if our terms are approaching dead end..

But I have no mood to be around,
I don't know even if idiotic I sound..

You are my bestie, and always meant to be,
But currently I have some different plans with more priority.

I love talking to you, but I have no time anymore,
I am either tired, or exhausted.
And you somehow happen to demoralise me..
I told you many a times indirectly ,
But no good it did...

You don't want to hear what's going on in my life,
You don't want to hear my views about anything..
Correct me if am wrong, but I ain't your diary..

I don't want to meet you, when you cannot come to see me,
Don't expect me to be so crazy about meeting you..

You maybe going abroad for years four,
Doesn't matter the distance I promised Our relationship won't turn sour..
But dear, what's wrong with you?
Why don't you understand?

You are purely selfish, and tell me that am selfish..
You disturb me during the exams, to clarify your so called doubts..
You don't let me sleep, make me weep,
And tell me, that you are my bestie..

I don't feel like keeping contacts with you,
You think all your misconceptions are true,
You don't want to hear me, and am not a dummy to hear you..

My life is boring, yeah well accepted,
But I don't want you to make it more boring..
I don't wish to be around you,
I don't care about you..

Stop imposing such restrictions on me,
Which you too can't even do..

I am sorry, but I can't travel to be around you,
If everytime it has to be me..

It's really quiet.
The baby sleeps better than I ever will, if I ever will.
No one replies to my text messages.
Maybe their phone is dead, or at home -
But it still means they hadn't thought of me.

It's really dark.
I closed all the blinds and curtains, scared of what will melt out of or into the nighttime.
The baby sleeps with his door open, hardly afraid. I thought he would've wanted to sleep next to me for safety, and yet I wish I was sleeping near him for safety.

Sometimes a little body next to you is all you need.
Or a text message.
Or a little bit of sunlight.
Anybody.


Anybody?

The idea is that my life is beginning to feel like one big joke & i’m god’s punchline.

my stomach churns. i can’t eat. Nothing equals out. The stupid world keeps turning & i’m not going anywhere but down. it hurts– nothing specific. it’s all lies on top of lies on top of half-truths on top of lies. Unraveling. Detachment. i can’t go anywhere or do anything. Everyone is out to get me. My existence is nonexistent. i’m stuck in a really horrible drawn out chess game & i’m always the losing piece. i’m selfish. you are like a weapon & an addiction all in one.
By YOU i mean EVERYTHING. whatever you want to call it, it’s all the same end result.
odd-man out, downfall.

i’m hurting all the ******* time & it makes no sense.

I wholeheartedly wish you good luck in endeavors I'd rather you wouldn't attempt. I'm absolutely oozing with selfless insensitivity.