I don't love myself though
I'm not he same person you used-to know

i changed during the time everyone left
you were the theft
of my happiness

and i didn't know what to do
because i only felt happy with you

and i hated myself
and i still do

Told I’m everything
I’m still not enough
Just another disappointment
That’s all I’ll ever be

Will you make room in your heart
For the both of us
My heart is full of you
I don’t need to love myself, only you

I try my hardest
Still I fail
Am I worthy of you?
I guess I’ll never be

I would not ever, could not ever, settle for less than perfect
I will not show nor will you know until I think it's worth it
Now look at me and you may see a girl who knows her stuff!
A  go-getter who's talented and has no “good enough”

I would not ever, could not ever settle for less than perfect
The things I do to make it so, are things you don't suspect!
And when I find the things I do don't add up to the top
I start to cry and want to die and wish that it would stop

I would not ever, could not ever settle for less than perfect
At night I sometimes take a blade when I know I'm not worth it
I tried to stop the panic once, when I did something wrong
But ended up with stitches on my scars so red and long

All because I would not, could not settle for less than perfect

i was told
that the veins
in my hands
are art

i despise them
because they
return blood
to my heart

*c.b

I thought
that my light
stopped you from wanting to bleed
But maybe
all along
I was scorching your mind with the heat
I thought
that by now
I could fix all the pieces I broke
But maybe
hearts don't fix
And the shards are now slitting your throat

And you know what's funny?

After men in shining armor blew past me
leaving nothing but a lesson to be learned
you'd think my selfish eyes would perhaps see
that my light does not shine
it burns

You asked me "What's wrong?"
I asked you to count with me
One
One day you just stopped coming around
Two
Two days have passed since my last meal and I'm still staring down the toilet hoping to empty whatever is left of me
Three
Three words repeated over and over I love you I love you I love you I love you
Four
4:00 a.m. showers letting the bathtub flow over hoping to drown the girl I hate because that's the girl I have become
Five
Five bottles down moving onto number
Six
Six daisies making a chain around my neck like a noose holding the measurement hoping that I'll at least be pretty when I die
Seven
Seven days every week I didn't want to get out of bed because how could I try and stand on solid ground when I'm sinking and everyone else around me is flying like
Eight smoke rings escaping my lips as I wish that maybe my last breath will float up with it
Nine
Nine hours I should be sleeping but instead I stare at that pill bottle did you know that
Ten out of Ten doctors will prescribe you with pills if you're even the slightest bit imbalanced in the brain
Nine
Nine years of prescriptions piling up ignored in fear of becoming a monster like the one they're trying to create
Eight
Eight cancer sticks at the bottom of my bag because addiction is addiction because it hurts the same
Seven
Seven minutes I count over and over did you know that's how long it takes to die by hanging I know because of
Six words you said
Five years ago "Why don't you just go **** yourself"
Four attempts in one month why can't I just die
Three
Three hours spent sobbing on the bathroom floor with
Two bullets in
One gun shot bang!
Zero
Zero chances left

Sometimes when you go to bed, you know just the way you’re going to wake up.

It’s best when you’re excited, and it’s difficult to fall asleep.

But what’s more difficult, and most difficult of all

Is when it’s difficult because you’re afraid. 

You don’t want to get into bed

You don’t want to admit defeat.

Crawl under the bedspread and sheets

And know, 

Nothings been fixed

or saved.



it never ends

sometimes it bends,

but never breaches


It’s tattoo’d on 
your pitiful soul. 



So only you can see,

Forever, 

Who you really are



laying awake,

disgusted.