we are pieces of ourselves,
constantly scattered.

a generation of milk carton children
we’ve soon forgotten.

we find ourselves
in the past or the future,
though never seeming to feel whole in the present.

You know, I haven't written in a while.
It's been hard, because I don't know what makes me smile
anymore. I see one's eyes, feel his fingers through my hair,
while, on another note, I cannot forget how another one cared.
I thought love was something that I once knew,
until my love for my best friend suddenly grew.
I fought and I argued and I justified the means,
but now my heart hurts from hearing my head's screams.
I'm torn, I'm broken, and my heart has been shattered.
I don't know what to think, as my romantic thoughts scatter.
I can't help that one is so close of the two,
but also can't help but wonder if the One is You.
Eenie, meenie, miney, mo;
why were you the one to go?
Why is another one so close by?
How can you both cause my heart's cry?
The time is not now, so I'll wait for it's end,
but it's difficult when some want to be more than friends.
I wonder if this collision is sometimes inevitable,
but if this is it, how could I feel so terrible?
I don't hate the kindness or subtle ways of affection,
but it feels like that's the surface of this overwhelming infection.
One overtakes me completely, working hard with great intention,
while another barely speaks, and he has all of my attention.
Which love is greater? Is there such a love as this
that can take my breath away with a subtle little miss,
or is it of another, the one who gives me all his time
to sweep me off my feet while the ground is one my mind?
Am I falling in love or caught in it's memory?
Can I call it quits now, or still wait for my legacy?
If I knew, I wouldn't be ranting in a poem.
I just wish I had closure, so I could better know Him.

Overly emotional
strangely proportional
partly suboptimal
highly improbable

Easily
devided
by truth and anger
and all that subsided

I'm trying
I'm hiding
Bad at denying
I need to feel
I need to scream
mostly defying
the urge to break
the urge to destroy
to disappear, to dissolve
I might be lying

To myself
to myself
My need for leaving or staying
is always unmet
with internal bleeding
my thoughts are paying
and these monsters
in my head
keep eating
Did I really put them there
myself?
Or did it happen back
when I was twelve?

I hear you
but your breath is so cold
I wanted to believe
in anything but you
But I think we got too old
and the house
my heart grew in
has long been sold

And when I'm drinking
you get angry
but what should I do?
My thoughts feel so scattered
and you can't pull me through

I'm trying
I'm fighting
Bad at denying
I need to feel
I need to dream
mostly defying
the urge to fake
the urge to decoy
to reappear, to resolve
I might be lying

to myself

Leaves of a branch sway.
Onto the ground it falls.
Venom engulfs its veins.
Instinct tells it’s wrong.
Neurotoxins overflow.
Grounding my feet deep.

Intoxication wraps my throat.
Seizures follow through my soul.

Hope remains still.
Awaiting despair.
Roses bleeding out.
Death hastens.

My thoughts are scattered again
Like a jar of mustard seeds
Fallen all over
the kitchen floor
from the window till the door

One flash of Your smile
They all come back as one
Mesmerized.

I guess I’m okay… What more can I say?
Forget it—never mind,
You wouldn’t understand anyway,
Would you even know what it's like?
Inside a scattered disconnected mind,
Employed to go on strike?
Where indirect misdirect
The sincerity at play,
When sinusoidal chaos spikes
And past meets the future present day?
As paranoid points outlandishly connect
At intervals of broken lines,
Memory lost in recollect,
An array of misshaped bells
Internally infect the eternal confines
Of infinite distributional decay,
Parallels with no intersect,
Streetwise cells with empty signs,
Burned out lights, potholes, and landmines,
Littered all the way.
How am I to convey that all those times
You let your mind wander away
That I was reading, thinking, dreaming,
Teeming, never idle, never strayed,
Seeing, being, so far and away,
Even the brightest intellect beaming,
Could not grasp the feeling
In the slightest of highest orders reeling,
Wound unbound, or as it would be seeming,
Imperfect, even to the disarray
Of the tamest prefect, whose verdict
Could not predict the reflect,
For in this world, seeing is deceiving,
As the lamest reject, defect,
Increasingly decreasing,
In simplistic bliss obey
Crowned unsound fallacies
That contradict all meaning,
Hiding behind reality, the actualities
Lest, protect the thoughtlessness perceiving,
Let me stop you if I may...
I must interject for I digress,
What nonsense was I weaving?
Forget it—I've lost my mind,
I best be leaving,
What more can I say?
It's periodic I must confess,
You probably don't care anyway,
Yeah, yeah, I'll be okay,
Until next time I guess,
I wouldn't want to be misleading.